Dating Thread 224: Keeping it casual or searching for The One

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

I'll cut and paste the rules in a minute

here we go again….

Completely agree with other posters in that you say you find this thread supportive but I struggle to think of anyone else who is involved with so many arguments and deleted posts.

Case in point your discussion with @VanGoghsDog who commented on your (very woe is me)assertion that there’s nothing else you can do apart from HR. When gently challenged on this - in a way aiming to be helpful and help you feel more positive) you retaliate defensively and do what you always do - shift your position and claim actually there are ALLLLL these other reasons why you were right (once your original assertion is proved incorrect). The more robust response is to acknowledge that you’re wrong and accept the advice/support. But you’ve forever got response after response after response, with constantly changing positions, to demonstrate that you are right to keep on arguing the toss and everyone else is wrong. Again.

It’s exhausting.

@VanGoghsDog

but that's what she was saying? That's not being supportive.

That's how you read it, not me.

please read this. She implied that RA is worse than fibromyalgia.

She did say that, I read it. I can actually read words. I have no idea if one is worse or how anyone experiences any pain or illness. I didn't suggest she didn't say that.

I just interpreted the whole post differently to you.

know that you don't mean to wish me luck

And there you go again. Not taking posts as they are written, looking for the worst interpretation.

You could go and throw up in front of everyone in a pub garden and say it’s a safe space to do it, doesn’t necessarily mean everyone wants to see it does it.

Well, quite.

Also, I'd just like to point out that it's pretty bad form to bring up things said in other places in a group onto the board.

@VanGoghsDog she did imply that RA was worse than fibromyalgia. @Thisisworsethananticpated flagged this up as well, so it's not just me saying it.

I don't like people criticising me and then saying 'good luck.' It's false to me.

I said nothing about your reading ability.

And what I did I bring up? Generally puzzled at this.

Always kills any nice vibes on here stone dead everytime. Nice one!

Oh, I'm sorry, @VanGoghsDog. Didn't see that you've acknowledged it.

@ButterflyOfShay

Always kills any nice vibes on here stone dead everytime. Nice one!

If you mean me I don't post here very much, so that's a little unfair.

@Badbaddog also don’t see how it’s feminist to get a man to pay! To me going halves is more feminist. With Mr Beard we take it in turns or go halves.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs

here we go again….

Completely agree with other posters in that you say you find this thread supportive but I struggle to think of anyone else who is involved with so many arguments and deleted posts.

Case in point your discussion with @VanGoghsDog who commented on your (very woe is me)assertion that there’s nothing else you can do apart from HR. When gently challenged on this - in a way aiming to be helpful and help you feel more positive) you retaliate defensively and do what you always do - shift your position and claim actually there are ALLLLL these other reasons why you were right (once your original assertion is proved incorrect). The more robust response is to acknowledge that you’re wrong and accept the advice/support. But you’ve forever got response after response after response, with constantly changing positions, to demonstrate that you are right to keep on arguing the toss and everyone else is wrong. Again.

It’s exhausting.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs what deleted posts? I haven't been involved with any deleted posts on here, to my knowledge.

You can't really use my discussion with @VanGoghsDog as an example. As I said, I've been assessed as somebody with limited capability in work. That means I don't have many options available to me. Because my circumstances have changed, I now wouldn't feel able to do the jobs I trained for, which were admin/receptionist work.

So I'm training to work in HR. That was all I said.

And @ibelieveinmirrorballs, as I said, I don't want to be endlessly training for a new career all my life.

Ok so here's my take on all this.Clinically speaking RA is a disease which will destroy joints.Has to be controlled by immune suppressants,and can also affect circulation and heart.Fibro is a hideous pain condition with fatigue and brain fog.Crucially it does not damage the body,just makes life very difficult with pacing and rest.It's all just shit of course,and although I have both I didn't intend to make it a competition at all.This is a great thread for dating experiences and I was trying to give positive vibes.

I don't like people criticising me and then saying 'good luck.' It's false to me.

Ignore it then. Or, choose to believe it's genuine and say thank you. You do seem to have a tendency to see the negative in everything.

I said nothing about your reading ability.

I didn't say you did. I see in your next post you acknowledged that I had agreed with you after you had a go at me yet again and told me I was wrong. So maybe it's your reading ability in question? You just assume everything is against you. With every post.

And what I did I bring up? Generally puzzled at this.

You brought up a comment I had made on the WhatsApp group, when I'd had a particularly stressful day, which was actually meant in a light hearted way - I said "are you sure you want to be in HR" or something, when I was saying work had been particularly shit that day.

It's very poor form and if it happens again I'll have to leave the WA group as I don't trust the anonymity and you having my phone number and real name.

So I'm training to work in HR. That was all I said.

It wasn't all you said. You said HR was literally the only thing you could do.

This is exactly the point being made, you make comments then pretend you didn't, or add something else to support your "argument".

And you have had a post deleted in this thread. I've no idea what it said.

This is the last comment I'm going to post on the topic but both fibromyalgia and RA can vary wildly from person to person. Like with many chronic conditions there is no one box fits everyone. Leading it to be very difficult to compare how bad one condition is to the other.

@onwardseverstridingonwards you have as many options as everyone else as you have to be given adaptations by an employer. I really wish you would focus on the positives and the things you can do rather than on your pain and the things you can't do.
I haven't known a week where I haven't been in some sort of pain but I don't focus on it as I wouldn't achieve anything if I just focused on the negatives. I choose to focus on the positives each day

@ibelieveinmirrorballs

Couldn’t resist

Who is this man? He’s yummy!

I earn much more than Mr B so I pay more often than him. He cooks more often than me and I would honestly say takes way more of the mental load of our relationship 💕

When I was dating though I let the man buy the first drink/pay for a meal on the first date, I just reckoned that in my age group it was the approach that would be less awkward. Things usually quickly evened up if they progressed. I had one FWB though who got a weird power kick out of always paying and always cooking. Fuck knows what that was all about. He’s dead now.

I had one FWB though who got a weird power kick out of always paying and always cooking. Fuck knows what that was all about. He’s dead now.

Oh my goodness I'm crying here! 🤣

@PurpleStripyScarf

I had one FWB though who got a weird power kick out of always paying and always cooking. Fuck knows what that was all about. He’s dead now.

Oh my goodness I'm crying here! 🤣

I know, that really made me laugh too!

I assume he poisoned himself??

@PurpleStripyScarf

I had one FWB though who got a weird power kick out of always paying and always cooking. Fuck knows what that was all about. He’s dead now.

Oh my goodness I'm crying here! 🤣

🤣🤣 me too!

"I had one FWB though who got a weird power kick out of always paying and always cooking. Fuck knows what that was all about. He’s dead now."

I can see paying for things/careers/gender roles etc is something people have strong opinions on, but MURDERING THEM AND BURYING THEM UNDER THE PATIO IS NEVER OK .

@Dancerinthemoonlight

This is the last comment I'm going to post on the topic but both fibromyalgia and RA can vary wildly from person to person. Like with many chronic conditions there is no one box fits everyone. Leading it to be very difficult to compare how bad one condition is to the other.

@onwardseverstridingonwards you have as many options as everyone else as you have to be given adaptations by an employer. I really wish you would focus on the positives and the things you can do rather than on your pain and the things you can't do.
I haven't known a week where I haven't been in some sort of pain but I don't focus on it as I wouldn't achieve anything if I just focused on the negatives. I choose to focus on the positives each day

You've been on this thread longer than me dancer and I never knew you were in pain regularly. Sorry to hear that and respect to you for choosing to be positive and living your life to the full. Or half full... like many of us 😅

@ReturnOfTheBunk

"I had one FWB though who got a weird power kick out of always paying and always cooking. Fuck knows what that was all about. He’s dead now."

I can see paying for things/careers/gender roles etc is something people have strong opinions on, but MURDERING THEM AND BURYING THEM UNDER THE PATIO IS NEVER OK .

🤣🤣

@VanGoghsDog I didn't name you. I just said 'someone' that could mean anyone. I don't have your phone number. It's in the WA group, yes, but I don't have it stored. I did think it was odd that that perticular question was aimed at me, though.

Can we draw a line under tonight's argument and move on now, please? Thank you

The only post I remember being deleted was a post of mine in an AIBU thread. I've asked for one of two posts of mine to be deleted in these threads, which MN has done ✅

That's the last thing I'm posting, then I'm going to leave for a while.

@ReturnOfTheBunk

"I had one FWB though who got a weird power kick out of always paying and always cooking. Fuck knows what that was all about. He’s dead now."

I can see paying for things/careers/gender roles etc is something people have strong opinions on, but MURDERING THEM AND BURYING THEM UNDER THE PATIO IS NEVER OK .

Oh crap, if anyone see a couple of motorbikes come up for sale in Wales, you’ll know ms W has done me in !

@wewantthefinestwines I just see it as one of those things. It's part of me and not something I can change so I just have to make the best of the hand I have been dealt. I suppose that's also the benefit of having an invisible (apart from my scars) condition is that to most people I look perfectly normal when about 80% of my body I effected by the condition I have.
The only reason I'm not currently dating is because of the work situation and as I'm actively trying to change it I will get back to dating soon. I'm the first person saying yes to things as I find a way round issues and if something causes me a trip to a and e then it just adds to the list and is an unexpected adventure (probably a weird way of looking at things but that'd just me)