Dating Thread 224: Keeping it casual or searching for The One

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

I'll cut and paste the rules in a minute

@Heartbeats0708

It's all up to you *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* but personally I think there's no shame in retraining- it's interesting to talk about and you're clearly passionate about HR. Like dancer said, it's just a talking point, not everyone is out to judge. I was at the beginning of a scary health thing when I started dating and met Mr D. I was open in a 'btw this is happening' but didn't go on about it and to be honest, he was and is a lovely escape/distraction/positive influence on me and makes me feel "normal" for lack of a better word. Course I have off days/weeks but it's important to me not to get consumed by them and in that vicious loop of negativity.

Thanks @Heartbeats. I love HR.

I know there's no Shame in it, but I know some men find it a bit strange. I once had one man on Tinder, (I think) saying 'why are you a student in your twenties?' It put me off a bit.

Mr D sounds lovely and supportive. I hope to find someone for myself one day, but I know I need to get myself better before trying to find a boyfriend. ❤️

*talking

@VanGoghsDog

I don't like men (or anyone - except my mum, but that's a tax transfer anyway)) paying for me. I don't mind of they offer but it's distasteful when I say no and they try to insist. I dislike the feeling they are paying for the next date to happen, or sex.

Guy from 2020 used to employ an annoying pained expression on his face when I said no, I'd pay my share.

Once in an established relationship then obviously sometimes it's "my treat" or you take it loosely in turns.

People who get uptight about splitting the cost of a cuppa annoy me too though!

This is when you get into the nuances of dating, If I asked someone out for date 0 drinks/ coffee whatever, I would fully expect to pay, as I’m asking, and maybe proper date 1 as well

But when you get into a relationship, I feel it should go “turns” as well or 50/50 etc

@Heartbeats0708 sending you lots of love ❤️

That's just one guy @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards 💁 it could have been judgy, it's could've been a clumsy way of saying "so what made you decide to retrain?" or even simply just carrying on the conversation.
I was still technically a student at 28 and I used it more as a talking/joking point.
Thanks, he's marvellous and I feel very lucky to have found him!
You do what's best for you, there's no rush in this game. I would say though if you're anticipating a fibromyalgia diagnosis, bear in mind that it's not something many people 'get better from' and it's a learning curve of management 🤗 though a positive mindset goes a long way in most aspects of life (keep trying to tell myself this!).

@Heartbeats0708

That's just one guy *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* 💁 it could have been judgy, it's could've been a clumsy way of saying "so what made you decide to retrain?" or even simply just carrying on the conversation. I was still technically a student at 28 and I used it more as a talking/joking point. Thanks, he's marvellous and I feel very lucky to have found him! You do what's best for you, there's no rush in this game. I would say though if you're anticipating a fibromyalgia diagnosis, bear in mind that it's not something many people 'get better from' and it's a learning curve of management 🤗 though a positive mindset goes a long way in most aspects of life (keep trying to tell myself this!).

@Heartbeats0708 🙂 I know, with my cp, I'm used to things I don't get better from. I think that if I have a plan, I can start to learn to adapt.

You're very lucky and deserve every happiness 😘😘

Awesome that you were a student like myself ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards no way is being a student in your 20s old, that’s totally laughable. There are students out there in their 30s, 40s, 50s and older! Don’t let other people pull you down.

[quote Stayingstrongish]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards no way is being a student in your 20s old, that’s totally laughable. There are students out there in their 30s, 40s, 50s and older! Don’t let other people pull you down.[/quote]
@Stayingstrongish ❤️❤️❤️

Have just had a lovely weekend away with a friend, an old work colleague who I’ve stayed in touch with. It has made me think about the importance of friends, I want to make sure I prioritise friends whatever happens as they’re the ones I feel I can rely on when relationships hit the fan.

I don't post on here much as not dating atm.Can't even go out as my knee is damaged and needing surgery.I'm not whining on about it on a dating site!Fibro is not fun ,but certainly not as challenging as RA ,which is damaging and progressive.I've managed to date loads in the past and I'm double your age @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

@Stayingstrongish

Have just had a lovely weekend away with a friend, an old work colleague who I’ve stayed in touch with. It has made me think about the importance of friends, I want to make sure I prioritise friends whatever happens as they’re the ones I feel I can rely on when relationships hit the fan.

Couldn’t agree more @Stayingstrongish. Life wouldn’t be much fun without good pals!

@Caramelblonde

I don't post on here much as not dating atm.Can't even go out as my knee is damaged and needing surgery.I'm not whining on about it on a dating site!Fibro is not fun ,but certainly not as challenging as RA ,which is damaging and progressive.I've managed to date loads in the past and I'm double your age *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards*

Well, good for you. Caramel. Very pleased for you. I'm in a very different mindset at the moment, but I'll get there 👍🏻

And I'm not dating either. So that makes two of us....

@Caramelblonde you do know it's not a competition, don't you?

I went back to uni in my late 30s and retrained to what I'm doing now. I think most people admire those who have decided to pursue something they're passionate about as many continue to do jobs they hate because they are afraid to go back to square one.

Everyone is not judging you onwards - work/studies are such an obvious subject for dating small talk that if you decide you are not going to talk about it, that is the thing a potential iron will find weird. Not what you're doing, but that you won't talk about it. Everything is not loaded, people just want to find out about people.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

I went back to uni in my late 30s and retrained to what I'm doing now. I think most people admire those who have decided to pursue something they're passionate about as many continue to do jobs they hate because they are afraid to go back to square one.

Everyone is not judging you onwards - work/studies are such an obvious subject for dating small talk that if you decide you are not going to talk about it, that is the thing a potential iron will find weird. Not what you're doing, but that you won't talk about it. Everything is not loaded, people just want to find out about people.

I know that, I think that I'm just put off a bit. ❤️

I just say that I don't like to go on about it....

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@VanGoghsDog if I wasn't qualified I wouldn't be able to say I'm an associate.

I remember Mr HR telling me that you can do HR remotely.

[/quote]
I'm sorry I don't keep every detail you post in my head at all times

And employers do have to give you a reasonable adjustment if they know or have reason to know that you have a disability.

I KNOW. I said that myself. Are you seriously explaining HR and employment law to someone with 25+ years experience, much of which in senior positions, who has a law degree and runs her own consultancy representing people at tribunal? Are you?

@Stayingstrongish

Have just had a lovely weekend away with a friend, an old work colleague who I’ve stayed in touch with. It has made me think about the importance of friends, I want to make sure I prioritise friends whatever happens as they’re the ones I feel I can rely on when relationships hit the fan.

I agree with this 100%. I put friends very high up my list of priorities, above Mr B - he is the icing, and that’s great, but friends and family (and work, and my dog) are my actual life.

Can’t get my head around it being feminist to get a man to pay. What bollocks!

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards you’ve been getting a bit of a hard time here, I don’t really understand why. As I see it, you have a lot on your plate currently but you’re keeping your eyes on the prize: a career and a loving relationship. Staying on this thread helps you with that so why should you stop contributing?

Haha @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards you're sarcastic,rude and aggressive.

@Badbaddog ❤️ it's because I moan on here a lot! I don't mean to, when I talk here it helps me get my feelings down a bit, and I've been on here a while.

I know I infuriate some people here, which is my fault. 😘😘

@Badbaddog because @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards regularly posts about miserable things/woe is me and argues with other posters if they dare question her. Case in point, today's targets are @VanGoghsDog and @Caramelblonde.

[quote Burnttoastagain2]**@Badbaddog* because @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards regularly posts about miserable things/woe is me and argues with other posters if they dare question her. Case in point, today's targets are @VanGoghsDog and @Caramelblonde.[/quote]
@Burnttoastagain2 I do get that, and I too am not a fan of moaning, but as someone who in the past has benefited hugely from the insights and support offered on this thread, i would hate to deny that to someone else who is struggling. And @VanGoghsDog* seemed to cope pretty well I would have said - it was an interesting debate!

@Caramelblonde

Haha *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* you're sarcastic,rude and aggressive.

@Caramelblonde I'm sorry, I'm probably going to get flamed for saying this, but I feel I have to.

You write like these things are a competition.
Todays post to me reads to be like you saying 'well, I'm worse than you and I go on dates.' Which as I say is good for you, but if other people like me don't want to do it just yet, that's fine too. I'll get there in my own time.

Fibro is awful. I may not have a diagnosis yet, but I'm living it.

I know I moan a lot on here, but I feel that this is a safe space to get my feelings out.

If you have fibro yourself, than you should know what I'm going though.

If I asked someone out for date 0 drinks/ coffee whatever, I would fully expect to pay, as I’m asking, and maybe proper date 1 as well

@curmudgeonly007 - see, I don't agree with this either actually.

If you met someone in the pub, or through a friend, and asked them out to dinner, then I agree you did the inviting and you should expect to pay (but graciously back down and accept 50/50 if preferred by your date).
But my view is that through the dating apps, you're all (theoretically) there to date, so I don't feel you asking first makes any difference. Being on the app in the first place means a woman is asking you to ask her ......

Anyway, I just don't like men to think they have to pay.