Dating Thread 224: Keeping it casual or searching for The One

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

I'll cut and paste the rules in a minute

@Thisisworsethananticpated they say best to disclose herpes but also added many wouldn't disclose. They really think nothing of it unless the woman is pregnant. They also emphasised so many have it but don't know as it lay dormant. I was worried in case I got it then my kids via sharing of towels but my friends said if a child got it, it wouldn't be to do with towels, more something social services would need to get involved in.

[quote gelatodipistacchio]@WeWantTheFinestWines i haven't fully sorted out my views on this particular issue. I think that there's a delicate balance in living within the patriarchy, and wanting to succeed within it, while still trying to change it[/quote]

I have that internal conflict - playing the system or rebelling against it - about the education system and the pursuit of money. Less so about dating.

[quote BelladiMamma]**@WeWantTheFinestWines* @gelatodipistacchio* @curmudgeonly007

The best date relationships I've had in recent times are with the guys who show up, give a shit about equality and want to learn.

I think that's a deeply sexy trait. When you find it @gelatodipistacchio you'll know, as conversations won't feel like games or like they're in another language.

We are all responsible for smashing the patriarchy and the first thing that we can do as women in OLD, is to not fuck any misogynistic male that comes our way. It's basically a sex strike 😜[/quote]

I absolute agree. There should be no rewards for misogyny. We have power.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

For context, I used to be a receptionist. I can't do that anymore because now I can't sit for long periods.

My last job was in financial services. I nearly had a nervous breakdown.

Now I'm retraining to work in HR. I was asked recently 'are you sure you want to do that?' The short answer is I have to be, because I've got no choice.

There's a million choices.
HR is entremely stressful. I know people think it's not, but it is.

Also, there's no rule that receptionists have to sit down - being allowed to stand all or some of the time and/or having a perch stool would be reasonable adjustments you could ask for and expect.

[quote BelladiMamma]**@WeWantTheFinestWines* @gelatodipistacchio* @curmudgeonly007

The best date relationships I've had in recent times are with the guys who show up, give a shit about equality and want to learn.

I think that's a deeply sexy trait. When you find it @gelatodipistacchio you'll know, as conversations won't feel like games or like they're in another language.

We are all responsible for smashing the patriarchy and the first thing that we can do as women in OLD, is to not fuck any misogynistic male that comes our way. It's basically a sex strike 😜[/quote]
This is where things get more difficult for me, as I believe in equality, but the ppl I’m looking to date would be in the 44-55 range & I would expect them to be established in life, so anyone pulling the I’m not going 50:50 or you should pay for everything because you have a penis is going to get pretty short thrift

I don't like men (or anyone - except my mum, but that's a tax transfer anyway)) paying for me. I don't mind of they offer but it's distasteful when I say no and they try to insist.

I dislike the feeling they are paying for the next date to happen, or sex.

Guy from 2020 used to employ an annoying pained expression on his face when I said no, I'd pay my share.

Once in an established relationship then obviously sometimes it's "my treat" or you take it loosely in turns.

People who get uptight about splitting the cost of a cuppa annoy me too though!

[quote gelatodipistacchio]@curmudgeonly007 i forgot to mention above that on the podcast, the hosts also mention how much money women have to spend even to get ready for a date in this selfish hellscape.

Again, by way of example, I don't even care about this date I am going on later, but I have spent loads of time shaving my legs, doing my hair, then I will put on nice clothing and jewellery, expensive perfume, expensive makeup, carry my stupid nice handbag. It's a huge effort and expense I am expected to go through before a date because I am a woman. What is he going to do? Take a shower?[/quote]
With our being rude, this is your choice, I have Churches shoes, £500 watches, £100 cuffliinks, expensive cologne etc, nobody makes me buy them or wear them, I do it because I like them, I could easily wear hundreds of pounds of gear on a date, but underneath it’s still me.

@VanGoghsDog as I've explained, I've been assessed by the Department of Work and Pensions as having limited capability for employment.

That means that unlike you, I don't have a lot of choice about what I do for work.

For example, I couldn't get a job in a shop or a restaurant, because of getting around physically.

I've been a receptionist, and unfortunately they do have to sit down for long periods of time, and take calls. That's what they're employed to do. That's why I can't do it anymore.I'm not as fit as I was, and I wouldn't want to have a job that I'm not able to do. I've been there before, and I don't want to do that again.

I've no doubt that HR can be stressful. All jobs are stressful in it's own way, but you could always do something else if you wish to. I don't have that option, unfortunately.

You haven't met me in person, so you can't access what choices I have.

I've also been assessed as having LCDWRA (limited capability for work related activity)

I'm retraining in HR because it's interesting and I want to look after the interest of a business and it's employees.

I also want to ensure that disabled people in the workplace get all the help they need.

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@VanGoghsDog as I've explained, I've been assessed by the Department of Work and Pensions as having limited capability for employment.

That means that unlike you, I don't have a lot of choice about what I do for work.

For example, I couldn't get a job in a shop or a restaurant, because of getting around physically.

I've been a receptionist, and unfortunately they do have to sit down for long periods of time, and take calls. That's what they're employed to do. That's why I can't do it anymore.I'm not as fit as I was, and I wouldn't want to have a job that I'm not able to do. I've been there before, and I don't want to do that again.

I've no doubt that HR can be stressful. All jobs are stressful in it's own way, but you could always do something else if you wish to. I don't have that option, unfortunately.

You haven't met me in person, so you can't access what choices I have. [/quote]
Well, I sit down 100% of the time in my HR job, unless I'm walking to the loo. (But, a reasonable adjustment if I needed it would be to have a convertible sit/stand desk and a perch stool)

I have employed and recruited hundreds of receptionists. I have assessed god knows how many people with disabilities and I have explored and put in thousands of reasonable adjustments.. I have discussed with numerous clients how they need to make adjustments. I have 25 years experience in HR across countless types of company with hundreds of job roles, including financial services. I've met and spoken with numerous people with a huge range of disabilities and limitations. I've specifically employed people with disabilities and worked with charities and agencies to enable that.
I've worked with agencies to support getting the long term unemployed into work, and have several success stories.

I've most definitely provided perch stools for receptionists (and shop workers, as just another example), and as I have written their job descriptions I'm aware of what the job involves.

I did not attempt in my post to assess what choices you have. But to suggest HR is your only choice is very odd. Especially if the reason you can't be a receptionist is due to the sitting down, HR also sit down (though, as I have pointed out, neither need to).

But don't try to tell me I don't know what I'm talking about because I do.

I also want to ensure that disabled people in the workplace get all the help they need.

But you somehow think other HR people don't do that or understand it? OK.

@VanGoghsDog I haven't told you that you don't know what you're talking about at any point.

I've got no choice, literally. Weather you think that's odd, that's your choice to think that.

I can't be a receptionist any more. I can't sit and stand for long periods. I can't spend a lot of time sitting on a a stool, because I have problems with a back. I had to take a lot of time off my NVQ studies due to this.

My last job was working in a call centre, I was in terrible pain every day and as such any targets were totally unworkable for me. I could barely work. I nearly had a nervous breakdown too.

I've helped to support reformed prisoners in to work. I unfortunately, That was a thankless job because of poor management.

What would you have me do? Mindlessly photocopy and file? When and if I have the opportunity to go back into work, I want to do something interesting and worthwhile.

I

*my back, rather!

@VanGoghsDog

I also want to ensure that disabled people in the workplace get all the help they need.

But you somehow think other HR people don't do that or understand it? OK.

No, it's just what I want to do. In my old workplace, they didn't even attempt to get me the help I needed, until it was too late.

This is why I don't talk about this to any potential dates, they think badly of me.

Noone "thinks badly of you", and I didn't say I thought it was odd.

You originally said you chose HR because you don't have any choice. Those were your words. There's nothing unique about HR that makes it the only job you can do with your limitations, that's my point. I never said anything about filing - noone does filing any more, documents are all computerised.

HR is glorified admin.

Perch stools don't usually have backs by the way, that's the whole point of them.

Excuse me @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards, you seem strangely argumentative when you are on here. I believe @VanGoghsDog knows a lot from what I have read so far.

How would you know that none of my potential dates have thought badly of me? They ask what I do for work, and I have to say I'm a student. Either that or get them to stop talking about it. I hate taking about my work situation. I always end up with people with more impressive jobs and qualifications than I do 😂😂

Yes, I'm aware HR involves a lot of admin.

I want to do HR because of the reasons that I've already explained. And yes, I do feel
It's my only choice, that's my view based on my current situation, bearing in mind that I don't yet have a fibromyalgia diagnosis.

I wish I could have more choice, but it's impossible.

@Burnttoastagain2

Excuse me *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards, you seem strangely argumentative when you are on here. I believe @VanGoghsDog* knows a lot from what I have read so far.

I'm just trying to get her to understand that I don't have many job options as she thinks.

I'm not being argumentative at all.

@Burnttoastagain2 I'm a HR student. So I'm familiar with her profession. I didn't say that she doesn't know anything, just that I can't be assessed on a forum.

I've got no choice, literally. Weather you think that's odd, that's your choice to think that.

It's just not true, because HR is not unique in its requirements. That's my point.

@VanGoghsDog

I've got no choice, literally. Weather you think that's odd, that's your choice to think that.

It's just not true, because HR is not unique in its requirements. That's my point.

As I said, that's your opinion. You think it's odd, that's fine.

You can do HR remotely, which is what I need.

Okay... so I'm a young woman, in sometimes crippling pain all over my body, easily fatigued... what other choices to I have?

And of course I'm already qualified, being an associate, which you are aware of. So if I do go back to bring a receptionist, my HR qualification will be a huge waste of time.

Sorry, my hands are killing me today.

And I don't want to be a student or in training for the rest of my life.