Dating Thread 224: Keeping it casual or searching for The One

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

I'll cut and paste the rules in a minute

[quote SortingItOut]@Stayingstrongish I agree that there is a chance she didn't know until that day but the month before she'd done the open evening at the new school but due to Covid only 1 parent allowed and there was talk of there being another one.

I agree that having 3 other children must be hard work, she also works part time and her new partner is useless. I do feel sorry for her - the 2 stepkids are new additions in the last 6 months as they were removed from their mother. She has always been very laid back and Mr K is used to her.
I would never share my thoughts with Mr K as its not my business but wanted to give an insight in to why meeting more than we do isn't possible and its nearly impossible to plan ahead too much.

Apparently she has asked to meet me😱
I don't feel the need to meet her as I'm not involved with their son but if I was I'd definitely meet her as its nice to know who is part of their life.[/quote]
Ok, that down time comment wasn't fair of me at all! I have a friend with 4 and she's always running late, changing plans etc. It drives me mad but as the DC get older I'm sure it will get better

@gelatodipistacchio

On this topic, I'm mildly concerned that my CV and life are a bit off-putting. I think a lot of men do not want educated or independent women.

One time I met a man for a date who was definitely well-educated and well-connected. My profile has no information regarding my background. He hopefully asked if I am a waitress when I said something that for some reason could be interpreted that way, and his face absolutely fell when I told him my job.

I agree that it's possibly best to leave it until meeting in person to see how they react! Can help you to filter out the sneerers and jerks, maybe.

Not an issue for someone who is happy with themselves, I was generally looking for independent women ( I think that’s kinda sexy actually.. ), Plus I don’t think education really means much beyond about 25, my degree helped me get my 1st “proper” professional job, but didn’t matter after that, and I never tell anyone and it’s doesn’t matter, it’s all about self improvement after that, and keeping my professional qualifications and experience updated and current

Most people think I’m some kind of idiot or joke (which if fine by me), respect is earned not given.

I’ve got a qualification for my hobby as well, but I don’t tell anyone as it’s boring (apart from hobbyists)

@BelladiMamma true! My current working plan is always to start with video chats. (I'm largely following FDS principles, if you're familiar with that!) This way I can (for example) see if there's any sneering or such without leaving my home!

@BelladiMamma (i realise that i literally said "meet in person" in my earlier post - i misspoke!)

Looks like the mumsnet positivity might be shining down on me as I've tested negative! Day 11!!!

@Eesha

Looks like the mumsnet positivity might be shining down on me as I've tested negative! Day 11!!!

Yay! Sooo happy for you 😁

[quote gelatodipistacchio]@BelladiMamma true! My current working plan is always to start with video chats. (I'm largely following FDS principles, if you're familiar with that!) This way I can (for example) see if there's any sneering or such without leaving my home![/quote]
No I'm not sure I know FDS? Hope it's working for you 😊💖

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I'm sorry. That's so disappointing! You're handling it amazingly.

Truthfully I haven't dated anyone with my level of qualification however most have been extremely smart. I don't really believe my academic background says too much about me.

ibelieveinmirrorballs
💪💪💪
I love you are feeling more resilient
Good
Love hurts a bit doesn’t it ? I cried when I deleted the first one I really liked !!!

@SortingItOut . I don't need him but I want him and I think that counts for more. Exactly this! Sometimes I am frustrated because I had a very good material life with my ex (despite his financial abuse), but some toxic men want to be a provider as a means of control. Living parallel lives with someone who is happy and independent as well seems safer to me for now. Sounds like this is what you're going for too!

@Eesha

Truthfully I haven't dated anyone with my level of qualification however most have been extremely smart. I don't really believe my academic background says too much about me.

This is also true. It's all about the male reaction to female power, in what we form it takes.

I think my ex thought I'd be good breeding material, and was bitterly disappointed when our two turned out to be above average rather than genius level.

Sorry to bring up my unfortunate health condition again!
My best friend last night questioned why I have to disclose
Said you wouldn’t need to disclose a cold score
So same for a vagina version of one
Said to use protection

I’m still thinking I should maybe say something

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards At least it's not like mine, mine is embarrassing

Obviously I have no idea what your job or CV are, but I firmly believe that you shouldn't be ashamed of whatever it is. We all do the best we can and our education/careers don't define us.

Additionally, if you are down on yourself, I think that this truly affects the way men perceive and treat you. This has been a difficult lesson for me to learn, but IME toxic men love to latch onto women who are not secure in themselves.

Finally, it's all relative. I'm quite proud of what I have achieved, especially given my own background (neither of my parents went to uni, they have given mixed signals about my education, etc), but my ex still managed to put me down and suggest that I wasn't achieving enough.

@Thisisworsethananticpated I think you absolutely should disclose.

@Thisisworsethananticpated I don't think many do disclose but I think it's about respect for the other person in case they really have an issue with it. I also genuinely think so many have it lying dormant.

@BelladiMamma FDS is female dating strategy. It's a radical feminist view on dating that I think started on Reddit. It's probably focused more on younger women, but it starts with the premise that we are living in a patriarchy and it's essential to aggressively vet men for toxic views and behaviours before getting involved.

They have some rules that I probably wouldn't follow to the letter, and it has been criticised as being anti male, but I have been following it on Reddit and listening to the podcast, and I think they offer a valuable perspective.

@BelladiMamma my ex thought I'd be good breeding material

My ex MiL (who is lovely) once made a comment about how our daughter obviously would be super intelligent and I remember being so shocked! I can only assume that my ex had the same objective in siring a child with me

I will
Can’t say it’s a conversation I’m looking forward to !!!!!

If it was 100% dormant I probably wouldn’t
But , it’s not
Thanks ex and thanks covid

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Sorry to bring up my unfortunate health condition again! My best friend last night questioned why I have to disclose Said you wouldn’t need to disclose a cold score So same for a vagina version of one Said to use protection

I’m still thinking I should maybe say something

I think it’s worth talking about. If you encounter someone that hasn’t picked up HSV-1 or -2 and it happens to be transmitted, they’re going to knocked out for a week or two with quite a powerful virus (similar feeling to adult chicken pox, without the pox) and develop some sores and ulcerations and worst case myocarditis. It’s better that both have researched and are aware of the risks and mitigations. If this happened to you without such disclosure and discussion. I’m really sorry.

Well as I lay there Friday with two male doctors and torch 🔦 examining me (😁) I asked ‘could this have laid dormant for 17 years’
They were like ‘hmmmm probably not ‘
That said ex didn’t suffer from it
I unfortunately do

I will but have a feeling it’s going to be a problem

@Thisisworsethananticpated that sounds like such an uncomfortable situation. Sorry that you have to deal with this.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Sorry to bring up my unfortunate health condition again! My best friend last night questioned why I have to disclose Said you wouldn’t need to disclose a cold score So same for a vagina version of one Said to use protection

I’m still thinking I should maybe say something

Yes, think absolutely need to discuss this, with any future partner,

It is what it is
There is a dating app called positive singles
For us hpv and hsv2 folk , I’ll head there if the hinge men have a problem with it
Yay 😁

One I caught innocently
One was from a fellow that kindly gave me genital warts in my 20 after I messed with him and his friend in a jacuzzi

It’s not really helping my shame issues shall we say

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Well as I lay there Friday with two male doctors and torch 🔦 examining me (😁) I asked ‘could this have laid dormant for 17 years’ They were like ‘hmmmm probably not ‘ That said ex didn’t suffer from it I unfortunately do

I will but have a feeling it’s going to be a problem

While I realise it’s not funny, when I went to the dentist a few weeks back, he was wearing a head torch like a miner would, I hope your dr wasn’t wearing one of those