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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

i don`t think i can take this much longer

812 replies

mummyofaprincess · 27/12/2007 20:56

People might know my story from my other thread on here,

I found out my partner was cheating on me via a message on his phone form OW.

He left me, DD (3) and my 6 month bump.

Well i wanted to try he never even gave us chance he looked me in my eyes and said he loved her and wanted her, hes 26 shes 17.

He had brought her back to our place, he admitted this about 2 weeks ago now.

Well now ive found pictures of them together and its really cut me up, i cant believe it.

He looks so happy

How could he do this to me, we was together 7 years.

If it wasnt for my dcs then i dont know what i would do, i really hate myself, i keep asking myself why me?, it doesnt help that she`s younger and much better looking, thinner got a job with my xp etc

Why would she want my xp when she can have the pick of the croud?

Will this get any easier, its only been just over 5 weeks but i`ve come along way since then, but this has made me step back like 10 thousand steps

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 20/01/2008 22:04

thats right its always the other persons fault...
Like when he punched his window through when he was argueing with OW, that was my fault! (so he says anyway )

I wonder if the shit will hit the fan?
Not that he would ever tell me if it did.

He called earlier for his mates number i dont have it, but before he asked he asked how i was and how DD was. He sounded really tired and he said he didnt get back last night till 2 then he was in again at 7 and hes doing all day today till 12. I dont feel sorry for him one bit, he doesn`t have to do them hours its illegal for a start!

He spoke to DD on the phone and she hasn`t asked for him since.

He only called because he wanted that number though, for DD

OP posts:
helenhismadwife · 21/01/2008 08:47

I dont think you will have to wait long for the shit to hit the fan MOAP because;

she is 17 fgs at that age you want to have fun, the novelty of the older man will very quickly wear off when she realises he has responsibilities especially the financial ones to you and your dc, which means that they wont be able to go out and have fun and act like teenagers, at the moment she thinks he is just an older man with a car and with money who can take her ou and now they can play house, when reality starts to hit house she will see that he will always have a commmitment and responsibility to your dc, I would not be at all suprised if she moves out of the house very quickly when she realises just how much it is going to cost. Because she has no ties to him it will be a lot easier for her to walk out and go back to her parents

her family I imagine will be very pissed off when they realise what he has done (to you and your dd) and that they are a couple, I have a daughter of almost 17 and would go apeshit and so would her father probably about the only thing we agree on is out dc

I bet the novelty of the young, selfish and brainless bit of fluff is wearing off already for your x, he must know everyone thinks he is a first class knob, it will affect any other relationship he ever has in the future. WOuld you want to get involved with someone like him? I know I would have run a mile from someone like that, if he can do something so shitty once then he can easily do it again.

MOAP when the hurt and everything starts to fade trust me it will be you and your dc that moves on to have a happy family life and really be a happy family not your x

Make an appointment to see a solicitor about access to your dd, it needs to be so its not disruptive for her and so distressing for you , you really dont need that at the moment.

ginnedup · 21/01/2008 17:31

Sorry you're still having a tough time MOAP. It sounds like his happy little life is unravelling a bit. How ironic that he's got competition from her 17 year old ex boyfriend. It would make me laugh if she dumped him for the 17 year old then he'd get a glimpse of what you've been going through.
I agree don't let him have dd overnight. He needs to see her a lot more regularly before she will be comfortable spending a whole night with him. He has broken her trust too and it needs to be rebuilt again.
Hope you have a good evening. I'll probably be on here moaning all night!!!

HansieMom · 21/01/2008 18:35

Here is what I can envision happening: ExP's relationship with his girlfriend crumbles (soon!) and she and her friend move out, without ever having paid back their share of the move-in costs. He's so mad--kicks a few holes in the walls.

There he is, no girlfriend, too much house, and there's this very cozy family back at his old home: MOAP (who used to love him), DD (little cutie who doesn't trust him now), and new LO who is snuggly and adorable. Why there they are: complete family, HIS family!

He decides to woo MOAP and ask her to move into his house with him. Why, it is bigger, has carpet, has a yard. Perfect solution! (Well, he does have to fix the holes in the walls.) Surely MOAP won't let a little thing like his adultery/abandonment stand in the way of getting together, will she? She won't mind that the house was meant to be a lovenest for him and his girlfriend, will she?

I don't know where poor little puppy ends up!

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 21/01/2008 18:56

Hi everyone,

Dd came out of school today and when walking home she said "ive lost daddy" I said you havent lost him i said right now he`s at work (which he is) and he will see you very soon, and then changed the subject.

I can tell she is hurting aswell and i do find it hard but i know that this will pass in time

If they leave the house he won`t be able to afford it so he would have to leave aswell!

I wouldnt want to live there in that house where they set up home, i also wouldnt have him back hes hurt me so much he has also hurt DD and i wouldnt let that happen to DD or me again, ever!

I dont know if they will last, i know xp will do everything in his power to make her stay with him (i know that much) He has said that he doesnt know why she puts up with his behaviour, but she`s still coming back for more! more fool her!

I think they will be engaged before i know it then theres only one more suprise then.... a baby!

I hope one day he does get hurt like me, but men like him never do, do they?

helenhismadwife i wouldnt want to get involved with a man who did this, she knew what he had at home, partner, family baby on the way and still she didnt mind! I know i could never go with someone who did that for the fear of him doing it to me, but saying that i think she knows that he thinks he can`t do better then her (she can dream lol) hence her not being bothered by all the above!
If anyone was to split the realationship up it would have to be her as i know xp would never do that!

Xp only split with me because he thinks the grass is greener and she can give him freedom a new life etc
I know he wont look anywhere else now for someone new, He only left me i think because he had to, as he knew it was me or her, and she is young etc so he chose her, I`m so glad he did!!

ginnedup how are things now? x

OP posts:
AnneMayesR · 21/01/2008 19:27

Men get hurt too. It seems like the nice girls end up with jerks and the nice guys end up with cows.

"I've lost Daddy"

He and OW are two sick bastards.

AnneMayesR · 21/01/2008 19:31

I wouldn't care how "in love" I thought I was. I wouldn't care how "wonderful" or how much I thought that this guy was right for me...I would never cause hurt to a child. I would never hook up with a married/committed man.

People who do this have all sorts of excuses. If they are so "in love" then can't they take things slowly and wait until the kids are settled and dealing with the shock of a traumatic break-up of their parents BEFORE they get serious together?

My parents were apart for a year before they started seeing others.

AnneMayesR · 21/01/2008 19:32

I should have added to my first post that they are two sick evil twisted bastards together.

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 21/01/2008 19:57

They wont think like that will they though there to wrapped up in there own silly lives to notice the hurt they have caused

OP posts:
ginnedup · 21/01/2008 19:59

I'm OK thanks for asking MOAP.
Had a lovely weekend with xp, he turned nice and caught me off guard but now he's turned back into a shitbag again and I'm left wondering wtf happened!!!
Better off alone I think.
Poor little dd saying "I've lost daddy". That must have broken your heart. You should tell him she said that, not that it will make a difference but might just cause a twinge of guilt.

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 21/01/2008 20:01

ginnedup so for you, maybe we are better off alone

I will tell him but it know he will only think i`ve said that to get to him, he wont want to believe DD said that

OP posts:
AnneMayesR · 21/01/2008 20:18

If he says he won't believe it whisper the words "denial" loud enough for him to hear.

Kimi · 21/01/2008 20:28

DH1s sister is a nasty skank of a woman, and she got herself involved with a chap who was engaged to be married, followed him everywhere and played up to his ego and so on and in the end he slept with her, she took great delight in telling his girlfriend he had done so, she then told him she was pregnant and he stood by her, left his girlfriend a few months before the wedding, after 14 months YES 14 months she had a baby telling him she has two wombs (lost first baby and then as if by magic one grew in the 2nd womb (no medical evidence of any of this). Anyway she thought she was the dogs dodah getting this bloke, BUT as I said to her at the time, he cheated with you why do you think he wont cheat on you??? He had 4 affairs before leaving her (she could not work out why).
What goes around comes around and he was a male whore and she was no better.
Shame it ended in divorce really because those two really did deserve each other.

MOAP you your DD and bump are so much better off without him, and you will see that in time.

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 21/01/2008 20:31

Thank you kimi

I try and tell myself that at least once a day

OP posts:
ginnedup · 21/01/2008 20:35

Kimi @ sil and her 2 wombs!!!

Some people!

Kimi · 21/01/2008 20:36

Not wishing to speak out of turn but I think you sound too nice for him in the first place, you can do SO much better.

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 21/01/2008 20:39

i found the womb thing so funny, men are so stupid sometimes lol

Kimi thank you, That really means alot

i really do hope theres someone out there for me who will treat me right

OP posts:
Kimi · 21/01/2008 20:41

MOAP, I but once the news you are single gets out you will be beating them off with a stick .

AnneMayesR · 21/01/2008 20:43

MoaP, there are nice guys out there who would kill eachother in a battle to the death in order to have a sweet girl like you as a life partner.

He's out there. There are lots of nice guys out there. You just have to be careful and watch out for red flag warning signs that they might be jerk.

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 21/01/2008 20:55

I don`t think i will be as trusting next time, maybe that will change when a relationship starts forming.

I hope i can let someone else in as i know i have this very big lock on my heart as i don`t want to ever be hurt like this again.

OP posts:
normajean · 21/01/2008 20:56

Hi princesses mummy! Eventually she'll get bored, tired of his kids every weekend, giving you money, never a christmas day to themselves, or a sunday morning lie in! You make sure he has the kids every weekend, that will finish them off.

Shes only a kid herself probably wont be able to cope. In the meantime you'll have weekends to yourself to relax, do your nails, see your friends and have a sunday morning lie in. My mum had this happen to her, except his girlfriend was pregnant at he same time as she was!

Dont let this define you as a woman or a mum, this will probably be the making of you. There is nothing stronger than a mothers love for her children, that will keep you going. and if it helps I'm the little girl that lost her daddy as well, it hurts but my mum was a brilliant role model for me. Strong and full of love for her kids. Fu@k him and his trollop, you'll be fine, I promise!

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 21/01/2008 21:28

hi normajean thank you!

I am much calmer now, stopped shouting so much and i havent got someone on my back 24/7 telling me what i havent done around the home!

The only mess now is DDs and i clean that up in no time at all

I am happy, but i do sometimes have my down days

I will let him have DD on weekends when he proves to me that he can be a good daddy again, might be a very long time away yet though!

I think i would benefit from having lie ins as i am up in the night with DD, but at least i will be used to it when i have LO

OP posts:
Kimi · 22/01/2008 08:18

Good morning MOAP.

Hope you have a great day.

Just wanted to say HI!

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 22/01/2008 09:43

Hi Kimi so far my mornings been great!!!

DD and i had a lie in just what i needed i think!

I hope the day stays great, and i also hope you have a nice day x

OP posts:
ginnedup · 22/01/2008 12:07

Hi MOAP. Glad you had a good lie in (I'm )
Well the sun is shining today so hopefully 2008 will start looking up from now on.
Hope the rest of your day is good.