i don`t think i can take this much longer

[mummyofaprincess]

People might know my story from my other thread on here,

I found out my partner was cheating on me via a message on his phone form OW.

He left me, DD (3) and my 6 month bump.

Well i wanted to try he never even gave us chance he looked me in my eyes and said he loved her and wanted her, hes 26 shes 17.

He had brought her back to our place, he admitted this about 2 weeks ago now.

Well now ive found pictures of them together and its really cut me up, i cant believe it.

He looks so happy

How could he do this to me, we was together 7 years.

If it wasnt for my dcs then i dont know what i would do, i really hate myself, i keep asking myself why me?, it doesnt help that she`s younger and much better looking, thinner got a job with my xp etc

Why would she want my xp when she can have the pick of the croud?

Will this get any easier, its only been just over 5 weeks but i`ve come along way since then, but this has made me step back like 10 thousand steps

MOAP his bint is a little girl playing games and like most soft in the head blokes led by their IQ in their dangley bits he is falling for it,
She wants attention and she is getting it, she is playing mind games and he is being taken in by it.

I think you need to have a long talk with the CAB and sort out (and stick to) what YOU want the terms of access he has to your children to be.

HE has deserted his family and he has no leg to stand on, unless you are a depressed, child abusing, pissed up junkie,(and we know your not) he will not be able to take your children, HE will have to fit in around YOU.

Also I think AMR has made some wonderful points about your children going to a strange house where god knows what goes on,

You are doing so well, and when he gets over himself and his little crush he will be so so sorry.

I have seen this before you know. Here comes another longwinded story from AMR. Feel free to ignore.

When I was a teenager I worked at a fast food restaurant. I worked with a classmate of mine who was basically the town skank. She was 16 years old with the body of katie price and the sense of a goldfish. She had a really bad upbringing with elements of sexual abuse. She was suspended from school for coming to class with her 34DD chest hanging out of a half shirt.

We had this manager who was (or always seemed to be) a very nice upstanding guy about 36 years old. His world revolved around his wife and several young kids up until this dumb girl started playing with his head. The slutty little disaster on wheels set her sights on him. A 36 year old restaurant manager has a much bigger income than the teenage boys she hung around. She flattered him, batted her eyelashes at him, complimented him and giggled at his jokes while jumping up and down so her boobs would bounce. He fell for it hook line and sinker. Even after she told him that his kids were "funny looking" and "a pain".

It seems to me that even the most devoted happily married family man can lose the plot completely when an attractive nubile young ho flatters them. It really is true that blokes think with their dicks, especially when they don't realise they are doing it.

We noticed that they were spending a lot of time in the office together and we were like "eww gross".

His pregnant wife (who was lovely and pretty) found out what was going on when she walked in on them at the family home. After that he went completely off his rocker. I have know idea what happened to him. This was about 13 years ago. I was only 16 and stupid so I thought the whole thing was hilarious.

When I went back home to visit my parents last summer I saw this same little homewrecker in a Walmart. She had like 6 kids, a fag in her mouth and she weighed about 17 stone...was swearing at her kids and they looked so dirty and neglected. It didn't look they they had a bath in months. Her toddler was naked.

Total trainwreck.

AMR, that story would be hilarious if it wasn't so sad and pathetic.

Sometimes I am baffled by male behaviour...

MOAP, Glad you had a great sleep!

As for your XP...it does sound like he is going through some sort of breakdown.

AMR, it would be so nice if you could cull that type of woman, or at least spay them to stop the cycle of slapper and d*ckhead they produce.

Why are men so shallow?

"As for your XP...it does sound like he is going through some sort of breakdown."

That's not meant to be a sympathetic comment by the way!

How are you today MOAP?

hi everyone

Ive been out all day, just didnt want to stay in.

He called me not long ago, first question was where are you? ive been calling the home phone! Well he was planing to come on monday to see DD as it was his day off, he has said the rotas been changed so he can come on wednesday now instead, i said 3.30 he said oh can we make it 4 as ive got to pick her up from work at 3

I think its time he got he`s priorities right!

Well i`ve had a good day thank you

How is everyone?

AMR what a story Cant believe shes got so many kids now

I know, sounds like something out of bad soap opera doesn't it, MOAP?

Glad you've had a good day. Did you do anything nice?

"instead, i said 3.30 he said oh can we make it 4 as i`ve got to pick her up from work at 3"

Oh, FFS!!! Damn straight he wants to get his priorities right. First of all he changes the day..which you didn't need to agree to... THEN he can't come at the time you suggest. Hmmmm.

Surely at 17 she's resourceful enough to get home from work on her own. Just an aside..I travelled from one end of the country and back when I was 16.

Oh and what does he think he's doing checking up on you? It's none of his business where you are are what you do. Not anymore.

I went shpping for soem baby things, just really didn`t want to stay in today for some reason.

Its only one bus from the work to where they are living, but i know my xp, he would want to pick her up he was like that with me, some things never change!!!

I can understand that MOAP. Sometimes just getting out and doing something can make you feel better.

Sounds to me like he is a bit controlling, If he's insisting on doing the pick up thing and was like that with you too.

I have just spoken to one of my friends who works with him and she said that he partner a manager above xp has been suspended and that xp is going to have his job, not given reasons for this, so xp and her are over the moon as he did the last course on wednesday for this.

My friend is so upset by this, and them 2 are rubbing it in, also going on and on about this house of theres.

Funny isnt it that hes not been a manager long and the she suddenly realises that she wants him

My friends are now leaving the place, which to be honest wouldn`t be a bad thing as that place is poisonous!!!

I feel so sad for them though, as they saw this coming, they xp always said to me he would have his job

He has got everything hasn`t he, why do these people get everything on a plate

MOAP, I would definately definately go and see a solicitor, go back and read through this thread, I have just done it and it makes very sad and horrible reading, he is a manipulative and abusive twat, this man (and I use the term very loosely) does not deserve to be alone with a goldfish never mind your dc.

You, your lovely daughter and your bump deserve some peace and happiness and whilst he is swanning in and out of your life he is still effectively controlling you and pulling the string, and worst of all he is continuing to hurt you and your dd with his self centred and couldnt care less attitude.

He is the father of your dc nothing can change that, but he is not the man you thought and hoped he was, and you will be happier if you can effectively ignore him, I know you said your daughter was getting upset and asking for him, my dd is 3 as well and that would break my heart and I can only imagine how hard it is for you but distract her with lets make some cakes/gingerbread men/ do painting when we get home, or have a picnic tea on the sitting room floor anything to distract her. Your dd will be happier and then so will you.

You are doing so well and trying so hard to move on, but it seems to me everytime you take a step forward and start to look and feel more positive about the future this arsewipe knocks you back down and makes you doubt yourself and feel hurt all over again that is abuse, he has hurt you enough. If he comes over and mentions ow interupt him say anything 'oh did I tell you I have joined a dating agency' or 'I won £600,000 on the lottery' both of them should make him shut the fuck up.

If you try to see him how we all see him it will help you feel differently about him, if he wasnt your xp and it was someone telling you all this about how their ex was behaving what would you think of the behaviour? you would Im sure think what a silly pathetic sad little man and that is what he is, as many others have said you will meet someone else and hopefully have fun finding that special one.

I have a different sort of experience, I was in a very unhappy and abusive marriage/relationship for 17 years I never thought I would love anyone again or get myself into a relationship, the experience and hurt made me a lot stronger person and a lot more able to walk away from anything that didnt feel right both professional and relationhsip, I didnt want anything serious but I had fun looking then met my dh and knew he was the one.

sorry for the essay, the bad days will get less as the hurt starts to fade, and in the future you will honestly feel absolutely nothing, I look at my ex and actually cant believe he was ever part of my life.

Take care of yourself, dd and bumpsy

If I ever have a drink in the west midlands I am going to go to each and every wetherspoons, then I will ask to see the manager and throw my drink at his crotch. He is an abusive jerk.

More pay for him means more child support for you.

He probably did something to get the other guy suspended...I wonder.

Glad you laughed at the story I posted before. That would have been during the years I lived in Kentucky after we left New York State. I am sure you can tell The funniest part of that whole thing was the surnames of the people involved but I cannot post that.

helenhismadwife , thank you so much for taking the time to read through the posts i have put on here, i do also think i have come along way and you are right when you said about being knocked back over and over again when i was doing so well.

I can see there is light at the end of the tunnel

Im so happy for you, i hope one day i can come on here and say how happy i am, which im sure i will at some point

AMR if you ever find yourself in the west midlands then please let me know as i would love to see you chuck a drink over him

I was on the phone to my friend who works with them for 2 hours last night, xp wasn`t very happy yesterday and he was taking it out on everyone including her

She said xps gf was talking to her friends (boys) and xp didnt like this and he went off in a huff after having a go at his gf and the punched the wall and slammed the door at work! She went over to him and told him to take control of his anger and that he was at work etc..

The thing is i know my xp better then anyone else, and he is a very jealous man, i think its a shame as OW has only every seen him at work before and i hope now she realises what she has let herself in for!!

I am so glad he`s out my life, I only have to see him for a few hours a week.

I need to get access sorted out this week and thats my plans for this week!!

I can`t wait till he gets this promotion as he will have to pay more, he will HATE this, even though these are his children!

But will csa take more then what they are taking now, as ive heard they dont check up to see if he is earning more if he pays regular and on time.

Hopefully the CSA stuff will all go through after he gets his raise. Two kids? It will cost him! Does he know about the CSA yet?

I cannot believe his behaviour at work! If you ever feel the need take a restraining order out on him.

I think he sounds like an angry,controlling,mentally unstable, emotionally abusive, coarse, vulgar, nightmare on wheels.

Did he really used to be nice?

Doesn't say much for his employer to have someone like that on staff. ...and as a manager? Sounds like the NHS!

That should have read:

If you ever feel scared don't hesitate to take a restraining order out on the guy.

He sounds spookily like a recent ex of mine. Not DS's dad, but more recent - we were together for 6 months.

This guy was funny (well, it wasn't at the time but it is now I'm well out of there).

He used to go ON and ON about I'd be 'perfect' I just lost a bit of weight/had a flat stomach etc etc. Oh, and he NEVER missed a chance to pass comment on how gorgeous other (usually younger) women looked, and if I objected I was jealous and past it. He would wind me up into tears over this.

Anyway, despite the fact that I was clearly old, past it and imperfect, it didn't stop him interrogating me jealously about EVERY SINGLE MAN who I came into contact with. This is including the guys I work with who are 50 plus (very nice blokes by the way but...well..YKWIM). He was also convinced that I was still sleeping with DS's dad who by this point had set up home with someone else.

Well, he did plenty of other stuff and this isn't my thread so I'll stop going on..and I;ve forgotten my point!

Oh yes, he was capable of being lovely as well. The first night we met he picked me up and carried me down the street and told me I was beautiful (lol I'm a sap).

So I know these guys are capable of charm.

I must be really naive.

But they do say that the ones who seem the most charming can very well be the most abusive. I think that if me and DH split up I will stay single. Men are well and truly very scary.

He wasn`t this bad with me as over the years i came to realise what he was like if i talked to any other men so i avoided them uless they were both our friends.

I didn`t even have a mobile as he used to read my messages even if they was off my sister, so i gave up on one when we had the house phone put in.

The first thing i did when he left was get my old mobile out

He still asks whos texting me now and we arnt together!!

He knows he will always see me, and i think he may feel he still has a bit of a hold over me. (he can dream on)

He can be the nicest man in the world, but i don`t think he will ever be like that again to be honest, something inside him has changed and its not for the better

He is going back to his teenager days lol

My friend also said that the friend who is living with them said she wants the old him back, he will never be that old self now, that was the xp when he was with me, he will never be that guy again EVER!!
He has changed and everyone can see it!

"But they do say that the ones who seem the most charming can very well be the most abusive."

I think that is absolutely true AnneMayesR, because the the one I went out with was. he could be utterly lovely (see above) but correspondingly he could be absolutely evil. And that's not melodrama.

I have come to learn that aswell, its only when you step back you realise it isn`t it

Sorry that last post sounds a bit illiterate..I'm very tired!

MOAP all of your posts indicated that your XP has controlling and abusive tendencies.

The funny thing is guys like that can make you feel their way of going on is normal/acceptable - they have various tactics - and you end up going along with it, just for a quiet life, because you love him and want him to be happy etc.

"He still asks whos texting me now and we arnt together!! "

Yes, I bet in his mind you are still 'his' and you should be jumping to his tune. Of course you are getting stronger now so he will up the ante.

In time maybe it will come about that you feel you have had a lucky escape.

I know I said some really nasty things about his little skank girlfriend and I still think she is a selfish, evil nasty little git. Either that or she is dumber than a goldfish.

But if she continues with him she may very well get all of the abuse and the smack downs that we have been (tongue in cheek) saying she deserves. And it will come from him.

I do think he is a feeling some guilt deep down and is a few sandwiches short of a picnic. It will get harder for him to take it all out on MOAP because he doesn't see her as much. He will transfer his frustration, anger, and self loathing on OW who is about to become an emotional punching bag for him.

He will blame her for all of his "problems" i.e child support payments, not seeing his kids, people thinking he is a twat etc.

Just a premonition of mine that the shit is going to hit the fan at their house bigtime.

Feel bad for the puppy.

Janos i think you might be right there

"I do think he is a feeling some guilt deep down and is a few sandwiches short of a picnic. It will get harder for him to take it all out on MOAP because he doesn't see her as much. He will transfer his frustration, anger, and self loathing on OW who is about to become an emotional punching bag for him."

Yes, I think that's extremely likely AnneMayesR. He'll transfer all of his issues on to her..that's what my XP (DS'dad) is like.

Abusers never think there is anything wrong with their behaviour so they don't see any reason to change. It's always the other persons fault. ('X' made me have an affair because she nagged me all the time, 'Y' threw herself at me, therefore she's a slut and its not my fault etc etc ad nauseum).

It's very sad that people behave like this. The damage they cause is just awful and they seem to walk away from it unscathed. I could tell you all about my XP but MOAP don't want to take away from your thread.

None of this is your fault and you dealing with it all so well!