i don`t think i can take this much longer

[mummyofaprincess]

People might know my story from my other thread on here,

I found out my partner was cheating on me via a message on his phone form OW.

He left me, DD (3) and my 6 month bump.

Well i wanted to try he never even gave us chance he looked me in my eyes and said he loved her and wanted her, hes 26 shes 17.

He had brought her back to our place, he admitted this about 2 weeks ago now.

Well now ive found pictures of them together and its really cut me up, i cant believe it.

He looks so happy

How could he do this to me, we was together 7 years.

If it wasnt for my dcs then i dont know what i would do, i really hate myself, i keep asking myself why me?, it doesnt help that she`s younger and much better looking, thinner got a job with my xp etc

Why would she want my xp when she can have the pick of the croud?

Will this get any easier, its only been just over 5 weeks but i`ve come along way since then, but this has made me step back like 10 thousand steps

i think i need to have a long chat with him again but i know nothing will change, he has a new life now and he doesn`t see the hurt i see in DD eyes.

I just dont know what to do now, im so upset i tell DD that mommy and daddy loves her very much, but she wants him here with her, and he can`t.

God MOAP I feel for you. What other support do you have? Sorry havent read all the posts.
I just wanted to say that i think you've come an incredibly long way in such a short time. I hope you have lots of people around you to help you feel strong. XXX

i have my family , most of my friends are his friends so not much i can say to them really

mehdismummy that would be lovely thank you , also i don`t live anywhere near you

?can i not bus or tube it to you

Hi MOAP. Have just caught up with this thread and I'm so sickened by his behaviour towards your little dd. It sounds hard but there really is nothing you can do except love her and be there for her when she is upset. You can't make her arsehole father see her more but you are doing a great job and you will have to be mummy and daddy to her for a while. As you know I went through the same and I have such a close relationship with my ds's now, they do love their dad but I am 100% number one in their lives and I'm so proud of them both.
I'm glad you didn't take revenge on xp and the slut. As so many people on here have said the best revenge is to have a good life and to be happy without him.
Keep strong - you are doing great

thank you ginnedup
how are things with you? x

I'm OK MOAP, very up and down but just getting on with it really. He's still moved out and I'm missing him, but I know its for the best.

I hope you are having a better day MoaP

AMR yesterday was a bit hard, DD was asking for daddy again

In the end i called him so he could talk to DD.

He said he will come and see DD in the next couple of days to me and thats it, I hope for DDs sake he doesn`t just come for an hour!

I have put some things down in a letter for him to read about DD, as i just can`t talk to him without him shouting at me.

I hope he realises just how hurt DD is about all this, i don`t want to make him feel guilty i just want him to make more time to see DD.

I think i know what he will say, "im busy now ive moved into this house, got loads to do etc etc"

Thank you for asking how i`ve been x

I think the letter is a very good idea. Hopefully you will be able to get through that thick skull of his. That ego of his is probably making him thing that you are only contacting him because you "want" him.

He's going to have to understand that the only thing you care about is DD and LO and that you will do everything in your power to stop them from being damaged by his behaviour and that you DO want the children to have contact with him...just not in a half arsed dysfunctional way.

I hope you can get through to the guy without him shutting down mentally and turning on you.

I think he might turn on me over this, i think he thinks he`s doing nothing wrong.

Thats because he doesn`t see what i see everyday.

When i called so DD could talk to him, he said to me when DD pasted the phone back is that all you wanted WTF!

DD wanted him otherwise i wouldn`t have called him.

I never say anything to him that would make him think i want him back, i just don`t understand him.

He is being pigheaded. He is being selfish. I really wish someone would put him in his place. I would love to have a 5 minute chat with him, really I would. A third party would put him in his place. But I think he needs to hear it from a guy.

Do you know of anyone that would act as a third party and try to get through to him about DD. He will not listen to you, MIL, or your parents as he already has pre-concieved notions regarding anything you or they will say.

He won't see what you guys are saying he will just look for an ulterior motive and see himself as victimized and set upon.

When men shut down like this they protect themselves by telling themselves that anyone close to them who is saying something they don't want to hear is just plain wrong and doesn't deserve to be listened too.

Believe me, I have lived this. When my BIL would bring weird druggie blokes into the house and around my babies and leave a big mess everywhere and tell me to fuck off I would complain to my DH. DH was prejudiced to believe that I just had it out for BIL and wanted to be bitch for no reason instead of seeing that BIL was actually doing something wrong.

It is like we lose all credibility with them when we point out something that they are doing that is wrong. Suddenly we aren't worth listening too anymore.

Is there a neutral person out there that he respects that would be able to get through (other than OW). It would be better if this person was a male but not someone who he would think you may be romantic with.

I elicited the help of my DH's much older brother who lived far away and is a copper. I poured out the whole story to him and he let DH have it and finally DH saw the light.

Men are slow thinkers and their emotional intelligence quotient is very low. This is a proven fact and it has been well researched. Women's brains are often crap at things like technical stuff and spatial awareness. Men are retarded when it comes to empathy, seeing things from others perspective and objective introspection.

He will realise what he has done eventually...but in the meantime he will lie and lie and lie to himself and everyone else and blame you as a defensive mechanism in order to protect his own ego. Unfortunately you will have to ride this one out because you are the mother of his children.

Hugs to you. It sucks to have to deal with the men we love when they shut down like this. I got so fed up I walked out on DH and the kids and got on a plane and went to my parents for 3 weeks in America. I am not proud of walking out on my kids for 3 weeks but i didn't know what to do and had no one to turn too. That is when I called my older BIL and told him where I was and why and he sorted those shits out.

I took a good 18 months of abuse from DH and younger BIL before I walked out on the kids for that short period of time so hopefully that makes me sound less horrible. I did try to get dh and BiL out of the house first.

Definitely think about finding a neutral third party though.

I only have two male friends one he works with and the other has been his friend since junior school, but xp thinks i have been involved with him ( it think thats just his own guilt talking)

So there isnt any other male i can think of right now, he has two brother but he doesnt talk to them.

To be honest i have never known someone as two faced as him, the names he called this girl hes with now, and the house mate he hated so much and used to alway slag her off to me (i dont know this house mate and have never spoken to her so i never used to say anything i would just listen to him) But he`s the same with everyone and i have only just realised this since he moved on.

He also only wants people when he wants something!

How sad is he.

AMR i do think you did the right thing going to your parents they help us out so much in these situations.

I hope this Ow realises what he really is, but if she is as bad as him then they are well suited and will never learn.

How they can live with themselves is behond me, but i bet xp has slagged me off rotten to her and she probably believes his every word, but not to worry the truth always comes out one way or another

Im going to have a long hard think of who i can trust to talk to him, its so hard though as i dont think he will listen to anyone, "he`s always right"

But soon it will be to late for him to book up his ideas as i will have moved on and so will the DCs

AMR your not a bad person at all, so never think that, i think if there was somewhere i could go for a while i would, i would ask my parents to have DD so i could have some time out, but theres no where for me to go

To be honest I would like to sit here from my living room 250 miles away or so and say "cut him off completely" "have no contact whatsoever, ignore his texts and lock the doors if you see him pulling up outside the house" because he might always let you guys down and never understand nor change.

But, for the sake of the children having their dad in their life and having a healthy relationship with him, I guess you have to try and make him understand and continue to try and get through to him.

If all of your efforts to make shitface into a responsible father continue to fail, and he continues to be a dick, then at least you did your best to communicate and help your children. You should feel no guilt at all for any of this. If he doesn't want to play ball then he doesn't want to play ball. You can lead a horse to water.....

21 years old is way too young to be managing a situation like this singlehandedly. Most 21 year olds cannot even manage their social life or their university schedules. You are doing really well. I really think that you have the traits to do anything you want with your life and be very successful.

AMR I just wanted to thank you so much for your continued support, i do hope he wakes up and smells the roses but its all 50/50 right now.

I will in time give up as theres only so much i can do like you say.

To be honest i would love nothing more then to shut him out of my life for good, but i know my DCs will only hate me in the future for this, so i will sit it out till he says he doesn`t want to see them, i hope he does change but the chances are slim i think.

I do hope that i can move on from him and get myself a real man!

He isnt any good for anyone i dont think, unless shes the one and he treats her so much better then he has done with me!

I do miss him, but i miss the old him, the new him is vile!!

It is so sad and hard to watch this man turn into an idiot, but i think if he had stayed the same it would have made it 1000x times harder for me to stop loving him and wanting him back.

My dc`s will grow up knowing i will always love them and i was the one always there for them whenever they needed me.

He can`t even turn up on his set times, so i know he wont be there when they need him.

He has this lovely new life now, and he cant see what he has thrown away and i fear he never will, im sure in his head im this horrible slapper (as he calls me) and im not worthy of him, as i always got the "all you do all day is sit on your arse" as i was a SAHM we agreed this would be best for DD till she went into full time school.

I know i`m ranting on again but all this is still in my head.

Dd was asking for daddy this morning and i said to her you will see him soon, then i took her mind off him, this is for the best.

Hi MOAP. How bloody dare he call you a slapper and as for sitting on your arse all day - he should have tried it. Being a SAHM is the toughest job in the world and imo the most important!
I know how you feel, missing the old him. I miss the lovely sober dp who was my soulmate and my best friend, but when I see the drunken excuse for a man he is lately I'm glad I got away.
I completely agree with AnneMayesR, for 21 you are showing more maturity and intelligence than a lot of 30+ year olds I know. You really can do anything you set your mind to and I believe you will be successful and happy in years to come, whereas H and his slapper will no doubt end up miserable and full of regrets.

i hope so.

XP hasn`t ever had DD on his own for more then 10mins, i was always with them, not my choice just the way it was.

He used to moan if i asked him to take DD with him while he went to the shop in the car so i never bothered asking him to take her anywhere on his own.

I remember not long ago xp said to me you can go to bed and i`ll settle DD, all went quite so about 5 mins later i went into the living room to find xp on the floor asleep and DD wide awake watching telly

MoaP. I work as a staff Nurse on a general medical Surgical ward now. I used to be an ER nurse. I often worked 14 hour shifts on my feet the whole time with life and death responsibility and more patients than I could handle. I often was too busy to take a break in those 14 hours. I thought that was tiring until I had kids.

Do you know what sucks more than working as a Nurse? The time in my life when I was a SAHM. Being a SAHM is harder because it is 24/7 and it never ends. I was crap at being a SAHM and didn't have the stamina to continue doing it so I went back to Nursing part time to escape into the adult world.

Don't let him get you down with the SAHM stuff. He has no way of comprehending what a SAHM actually does. It is completely beyond him mentally....like a hamster trying to understand quadratic equations.

If he calls you a slapper again I will come done there and slap him!!

I love these dumb assholes who think that going out and working 40 hours a week is harder and more tiring than being a SAHM.

I could stone the whole lot of them. There should be crimes and jail sentences for stupidity...but all the men would be in prison then.

I'll be there too AMR - bastard . How very dare he!!

Sorry to triple post but dh and I swapped at one point and he stayed at home and handled everything there while I went to work.

Going out to work 40-45 hours a week and having your meals cooked for you, your clothes ironed for you, your kids fed and bathed for you....is such an easy life.

Once the reality of being at home set in with DH he wanted to be back at work. I was so bummed.

Oh no - I meant I'll be there to slap him with you, not in prison
Crossed posts lol