i don`t think i can take this much longer

[mummyofaprincess]

People might know my story from my other thread on here,

I found out my partner was cheating on me via a message on his phone form OW.

He left me, DD (3) and my 6 month bump.

Well i wanted to try he never even gave us chance he looked me in my eyes and said he loved her and wanted her, hes 26 shes 17.

He had brought her back to our place, he admitted this about 2 weeks ago now.

Well now ive found pictures of them together and its really cut me up, i cant believe it.

He looks so happy

How could he do this to me, we was together 7 years.

If it wasnt for my dcs then i dont know what i would do, i really hate myself, i keep asking myself why me?, it doesnt help that she`s younger and much better looking, thinner got a job with my xp etc

Why would she want my xp when she can have the pick of the croud?

Will this get any easier, its only been just over 5 weeks but i`ve come along way since then, but this has made me step back like 10 thousand steps

I hope i find one

Its funny as when i walked past there place of work the other week my sister said to me oh he looks happy and whos that standing next to him and i said oh its her my sister looked gutted and shocked, and i didnt at all, i didnt even feel jealous.

I just looked at them and walked away (they didn`t see me as they was inside working)

He normally just texts, the arraingement was that he was to tell me every weekend what his next week days were off and i was to say what time he could come and see her because of school etc, but he hasn`t stuck to that at all, and when i bring it up he has a go at me.

god can you imagine living and working together, it would drive me mad. You will find a great guy one day and think why was i with that asshole for so long.

HAs a go at you? (Fuck him) well just remember you are doing all the right things, if he doesnt want to see his dd thats his problem. My sisters kids totally hate andresent their dad now coz he just wasnt there and couldnt commit to any arrangements, They really hate him now and he knows it. This guy has no life now even hisparents dont talk to him. But are cpoing amazingly.

i would hate that aswell, i used to love it when he was at work some days just so i could get on with things without having him glued to my side, the funny thing is my mates who work with him are also a couple and he used to slate them all the time.

The thing is he used to love coming home putting his feet up and telling me all about his day and whats been going on, but if you work together you already know about it..

Mind you he still tells me now, hes lacking in friends outside of work i think and its not like his parents wants to know whats going on at work lol I dont want to know now either!!

I used to love the stories but now i think to myself thats your life and i`ve got my own!!

Thanks everyone for letting me have a rant

critterjitter is another who speaks mch sense. It is indeed unwise to jump from one relationship to another. Even if you think your relationship was over, you need time to get over it. Jumpingstraight to another person doesnt give you time to 'put it to bed', as such. Like MOAP, my exp recently left me and our newborn for another woman- a fact he vehemently denies. He claims its mere conincidence that he is with this woman a week after we split (how niave do these men want us to be?)
Anyway, I've no idea if it'll work out between those two, and i'll be honest with you- its a fact that Ive simply tortured myself with. It helps me immensely to think it will all come crashing down around them, however pointless that may sound.

moap,

Sorry to diappear last night went to feed dd2, but ended up wearing it [grin}.

She was lucky as in the silly games only lasted a month or 2, but she did have to have a row with him to make him understand that she doesn't want or need to know what they were upto anymore then she would tell him what/who she was seeing/doing.

Then he started be a proper dad he see his children once during the week and has them on a saturday night at his mum and gives my freind over and above money for maintenace that he would need to so his children don't suffer.

The children still haven't met the ow.

I am so proud of you MOAP!! You are doing so fantastic. He has lost an amazing woman. LOL at the dumbass.

I know that right now you just need to get through the day and focus on DC's. But one thing you might enjoy doing after the baby is born and you are settled into a routine is taking some college/uni classes here and there. Because you are a single mum you will get loads of financial help if you want to do some kind of training program! Use the system. I think you are a bright girl with a good head on your shoulders and have the potential to do very well.

Is there anything you like to do? I went through a terrible break-up when I was 18 and two months later I commenced classes at uni with a double major in biology and nursing (this was in the USA where nurses have a high starting salary compared to other University grads).

I focused on that and did really well and graduated with honours. Never EVER thought I was clever enough for any of that. My ex who dumped me still works in a dead end job and I make triple the salary he ever will.Ha ha ha.

The best revenge is doing well. I knew a girl who was a single mum and she got help to pay for schooling and she did really really well. When her kids were little she took a couple of basic courses here and there because she was so tired but continued on with it. She got a degree in criminal justice and is now heading to law school. She was a terrible student in high school (like me) and didn't think she would get very far.

The sky is the limit so kick some ass.

thankyou pingu also thanks for getting back to me lizziemun

Well today he came20mins late as soon as he stepped through the door he said he was really sorry, i just ignored him and carried on doing what i was doing as i didnt want to argue infront of DD, i did say when DD was in the bedroom that he cant keep turning up late otherwise this isnt going to work and DD is missing out on her time with her daddy and i think it sunk in as he didnt shout or say a word.

DD and daddy was playing while i got on with things round the place i needed to do and i heard DD say to daddy i love you, and that came out of nowhere and it really touched my heart and her daddys aswell

He stayed with DD till school time and he took DD to school with me and she loved the time she spent with her daddy.

I dont know when he will be seeing DD again as he has only said one day off next week to me and thats monday the day hes moving and he said he cant see DD that day, he just said ill call you for DD!

He didnt hug me on the way out this time i think he is trying his hardest to distance himself now and it shows to be honest. He had this very sad look on his face today i didnt ask why, but i know he hasn`t got any money and i think thats the reason

AnneMayesR i did childcare before i had DD i left in my second year when i fell pregnant.
I will be going to college but not till september as i really want to spend some time with my DCs, DD will then be in full time and LO will be able to go to the colleges free nursery they provide I have had alot of time to think about my future and i dont want my life to pass me by, i want to show people that i`m not going to sit on my bum till the DCs are 18 but most of all i want to prove to myself that i CAN do it!!

When i had DD i chose to be a SAHM me and XP had a long chat about this and we agreed but he seemed to throw it in my face all the time!
Now shes in nursery i have thought alot about what i want in life, i really want to learn to drive and have a good well paid job and these are my goals, i will have to work hard i know but it WILL be worth it in the end

Oh forgot to say it will be childcare that i will want to study again, and maybe english aswell as my spelling can be very poor at times

Glad you had a better day today.

That will be the best type of revenge, go back to college and be successful and prove to him that you don't need him.

lizziemun i don`t think he will care to be honest.

But when i`m in a nice house and i have a nice car and a nice lifestyle i will look back at this and think what an idiot he really was.

He really has done me a favour as i wouldn`t be thinking like this if we was still together!

"He had this very sad look on his face today i didnt ask why, but i know he hasnt got any money and i think thats the reason"

It's probably because he knows that he walked out on the people who love him most to hook up with a selfish, materialistic, worthless nasty little cow....and he is realizing that supporting two households will be a complete drain on his finances.

Don't ever expect him to admit he was wrong though. Men can't do that.

Even if she takes all of his money and throws petrol in his eyes whilst lighting him on fire he will NEVER admit that he screwed up and made a mistake.

Oh well it is his mistake. He is hunkered down with a selfish little troll and you are totally FREE!!!!

your so right i am totally free and i love my new life

Yes i miss my old life aswell but i will never get that back, even if i had him back for what ever reason it will NEVER EVER be the same again!!!

I wouldnt have him back its not worth it, i love my life and i respect myself to much now, even when im down i only have to look on my threads and then i realise i have come a long way

Without all this support on here and off family and friends i wouldn`t be where i am now i can promise you that much!

He is so wrapped up with his silly life he can`t see what he has lost, and its a shame really!!

You love your new life! Yay! That's where you need to be! Congratulations.

Hey glad things are going well for you MOAP. Sounds like things are getting better every day

And can I just echo AnneMayesR's admiration? I'm in my mid thirties and to be honest I could not have coped with your situation when I was 21. I just wasn't mature or sorted enough.

Really you are one strong woman. Your XP is a bloody fool, but that's his loss. Your DD and new baby are so lucky you are their mum .

i can`t stop smiling at the above posts thank you

Agree with AnneMayesR. Its finally sinking in what he's given up to go out with a teenager (who will probably go off him next week because he's not wearing the right type of trainers/ shirt/ whatever)!

How is the mother-in-law about this? I would suspect that she won't be best pleased having a teenager visiting for tea on sundays rather than her grandchild! I think its only a matter of time before she pulls him aside for a "little chat."

Can't wait to hear about how little witch reacts when the csa gets in touch with him.

I bet she doesn't realise that it is a father's responsibility to financially support his kids even if he decided to abandon them and be with her.

She'll get a rude awakening.

His mom and dad have said that she isn`t welcome in there home, but i know in the future they will have to + if she has a child with him aswell!!

Well she brought him a new top for xmas and its bloody horriblew, something a 16 year old would wear, he doesnt know ive seen it as his mom showed me, i wanted to see it!!

So, their relationship has all the ingredients of success (not): - they will be poor;

• sharing a house with someone else (so little privacy);
• there is a 9 year age gap;
• his family are against their relationship;
• he has major baggage: an ex wife/partner, child and another one on the way;
• his DD will grow up talking about her mum all the time (in front of her);
• the CSA will soon be on the case taking a nice chunk of their drinking money away at source; and
• there may be legal custody/contact wrangles which can be lengthy, exhausting and very expensive.

Hmmmmmmmmm. Shall we all put bets on how long this one will last? Me thinks 3-4 weeks??????

P.S. I would doubt if the 17 year old will have a baby with him. Remember that one of their preoccupations is their appearence and being thin, thin, thin!!!!!!!!!!

And if she does he will get sick of her shit real fast.

Who wants to deal with a idiot teenager let alone a moody pregnant one? She will be so self conscious because she knows he left a pregnant woman in the past and she will drive him nuts. What a mess.

Meanwhile MoaP will be living in up having a nice life, controlling her destiny and not dealing with any bullshit.

I really wish i could have a little glimpse of the future, but then life wouldn`t be fun would it

All i know is, is that he has moved on and he says he`s "happy" even if he looks like he has been kicked in the face

To be honest i think theyw ill stay together to prove a point that look "we can do it"!

I do think it will be so hard living with another person though as they will get under each others feet, all working and living together!

I wish i knew someone in there street so i could get the gossip

He did say today that because hes moving to a diffwerent town he will have to travel more to get here (so what hes really trying to say is i wont be coming very often to see DD)

I dont know wether this is her saying to him you better not be going to her place all the time when we move in together, or wether he just dont want to come here anymore, who knows!

Poor DD hasnt got much of a dad now so god knows what hes going to be like when he moves there!!

I think you should be calling the shots in terms of when and how often he sees DD. He needs to be commiting to regular contact, not turning up willy nilly when the mood takes him.

Work out a slot that would suit you ie. saturday morning and dictate times - so explain the exact times you want her picked up and dropped off and whether or not she will need meals during those times.

Make sure he drops her back off in good time for her evening/ afternoon meal, bath and bed. Stipulate certain things such as "don't fill her full of sweets and then drop her back off", and "she'd like to try swimming/ skating/ the trampolines etc" (you'd be amazed at how many ex partners I know through friends who will spend their entire contact time with their kids sitting in McDonalds and then drop them off late full of junk and unable to eat their dinner at home.)

Sounds like some ground rules would benefit everyone. He has to see that you mean business.

I agree with you critterjitter but it seems like everytime she tries to set reasonable ground rules to protect their daughter he acts like a jerk.