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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

i don`t think i can take this much longer

812 replies

mummyofaprincess · 27/12/2007 20:56

People might know my story from my other thread on here,

I found out my partner was cheating on me via a message on his phone form OW.

He left me, DD (3) and my 6 month bump.

Well i wanted to try he never even gave us chance he looked me in my eyes and said he loved her and wanted her, hes 26 shes 17.

He had brought her back to our place, he admitted this about 2 weeks ago now.

Well now ive found pictures of them together and its really cut me up, i cant believe it.

He looks so happy

How could he do this to me, we was together 7 years.

If it wasnt for my dcs then i dont know what i would do, i really hate myself, i keep asking myself why me?, it doesnt help that she`s younger and much better looking, thinner got a job with my xp etc

Why would she want my xp when she can have the pick of the croud?

Will this get any easier, its only been just over 5 weeks but i`ve come along way since then, but this has made me step back like 10 thousand steps

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 09/01/2008 22:11

i know now

I do feel so bad for DD but he just doesnt want to know and im not going to push him, theres no point as he will only hate me in the end.

The things im not getting at the moment he told me on the phone when i was going ... love you bye, then said oh sorry and then bye and phone went dead.

The sunday he called me babe (like he did before)

Then today at nursery he stroked my arm like he did in the past.

He also hugs me on his way out

Whats all this about, do you think he`s doing this so he still feels in control over me?

OP posts:
pinguthepenguin · 09/01/2008 22:19

100% about'keeping you there'- like a safety net,wat a prick

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 09/01/2008 22:21

hey pingu

I should have known shouldnt i, hes so sad, like i want that useless (bleep!) back

OP posts:
AnneMayesR · 09/01/2008 22:25

I think he is fucked in the head and doesn't know what he is doing.

I think he is going to be the one who ends up with a broken heart in the long run. You will have moved on and he will be thinking "oh shit".

He has thrown away a hell of a nice girl who loved the hell out of him, had his babies and is a good mother to his children.

Some men go their whole lives wanting that so so so bad and never find it. I know so many nice sweet guys who are a little nerdy but very sweet good guys. All they want is to find a girl like you and have a family with her.

But they get nothing but rejection from women and think that all women are cheating pigs who just use them for money for awhile until she finds someone better.

I have an interest in science stuff and hang out on a few internet boards that are mostly men and this is all they go on about.

They constantly whinge about how hard it is to find a nice girl who is mummy material that they can spend their whole lives with and have a family with. They complain that the younger girls now a days are nothing but morally bankrupt party animals. They sound a lot like us complaining about them ironically.

This girl ex-p is with now...she is selfish and immature and in the midst of an infatuation..it isn't love. She just wanted what you had. It will get old for both of them.

pinguthepenguin · 09/01/2008 22:27

Believe me- this is about ensuring that 'he can'- if he wants to. You are feeling extremely vunerable right now, and no matter what you may say on these boards- your heart may not let you refuse him if he ever did ask for a reconciliation. Be careful around him, give nothing away- because although this man clearly lacks intelligence, he aint fucking stupid when it comes to knowing that you love him.

for you.

pinguthepenguin · 09/01/2008 22:28

Anne speaks sense, lots of it.

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 09/01/2008 22:32

He does know doesnt he thats why hes playing with my feelings

I need to be very carefull i think, as i dont want him to think i want him back, as i dont.

But if he thinks i do then he will continue this behaviour, which does involve treating me and DD with no respect

I think he feels that if anything happend between them 2 then i would have him back with open arms, and if he is thinking this then he`s very wrong

OP posts:
Overtiredmum · 09/01/2008 22:35

Sorry I've been watching this thread but not said anything up til now but I just wanted to say MOAP you are a truly wonderful mum and person, I can't believe how incredibly strong you have been/are being. The guy is not worth the "dirt" on your shoe (I am trying to keep it clean!!! ). At the end of the day, he has lost something he will never ever be able to replace and I hope one day either this OW and any other one unlucky enough to fall into his trap hurts him the way he has hurt you and your dear DCs and that you are able to laugh in his face!

I never knew true love really until I had my DS and it is beyond me how any parent can abuse that love and relationship with their loved ones.

Stay strong and remember you have many, many friends on here who are here to help.

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 09/01/2008 22:38

thank you so much overtiredmum , all the support on here i have had does truely mean alot to me, without you ladies i would be a total mess

OP posts:
pinguthepenguin · 09/01/2008 22:47

MOAP- you say you wouldnt have him back, but I dont think thats entirely true. Please dont think I'm slating you, I'm not at all- you've done a wonderful job to get where you are now. But you are in an extremely vunerable position, not to mention you are reeling from the chock of it all. Even if you rationally tell yourself he is a shit, your heart tells you different- and I would say that 'THE FUCKER ( as he shall now be known) is well aware of that fact.

Please be wary of showing him even an inch of your feelings right now. He is out for himself.

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 09/01/2008 22:52

i think its harder as im having his second child

I dont want to show him anything, but im sure he can read me like a book, like i can with him.

But i dont know if he still loves me, or even wants me anymore, Ill never know that, but it is his loss

I do hope someone will love me and treat me much better then this

OP posts:
pinguthepenguin · 09/01/2008 23:14

I'm currently going through a crappy situation with exp, who left me when our child was born, another woman involved. It came out of nowhere for me too, and the shock and confusion was more than I could bear, given that he gave me no indication that he was unhappy or not in love with me. I've had to face up to some very difficult facts in the last few months, alot of which I didnt want to accept, and which hurt more than I can describe. Some of these are:

  1. He didnt (actually) love me in the right way.
  1. He didnt want me or DD enough to work things out.
  1. He preferred (rightly or wrongly) to be with the other woman.

None of the above facts excused his leaving us when he did, but my hurt, pain and indignation at his behaviour changed nothing, and the facts remained the same: he didnt want to be there.
When I accepted these facts, and I faced them head on(Its a daily battle tbh) it enabled me to let go slightly, and to concentrate on my recovery. Up until that point, I simply wasted my days obsessing over why he left/how could he/will he come back/why/why/why.

The fact is- he did, and he's a shit for it, but I'm telling you this, because you need to do the same.

x

AnneMayesR · 09/01/2008 23:22

It's an awful thing to face but I think Pingu is right.

I was dumped horribly and suddenly by my first love. I didn't get out of bed for the first week and it took me ages to feel alive again. I don't know how you girls do it. There was no kids involved in that relationship and I was only 18. I couldn't even hold it together at all. I wouldn't begin to know how to cope with kids and the adult world on top of dealing with that kind of pain. I'm such a total wuss compared to you guys.

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 09/01/2008 23:38

pingu i hope i cope as well as you have, you have come so far now haven`t you your such a very strong and good mummy to your DD, so proud of you

I do blame myself some days but i know deep in my heart that non of this is my fault and theres nothing i could have done to stop this happening

AMR i think i would have been the same but i knew i had to be so strong for my DCs, if it wasnt for them then i dont know what i would have done, as it was such a shock to me

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 09/01/2008 23:42

pingu do you think you would have him back now if he came begging?

OP posts:
ginnedupudding · 10/01/2008 18:10

Hi MOAP. Sorry haven't been around on here for a while (see f&g thread). Just popped on here to catch up and see how your doing.
Glad mw appointment went well and sorry xp is still being a git.
Pingu and AMR are spot on - he wants to know that the door is still open if it all goes tits up with the trollop.
You deserve better than being on his 'back burner' ffs.
I bloody hate men atm. Hate them all .

AnneMayesR · 10/01/2008 18:12

" everything goes tits up with the Trollop"

That sounds so funny I just spit my coffee out all over the place.

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 10/01/2008 18:20

GU you have made me laugh thanks

I will check it out now, i hope everythings ok though..

Well i`ve had a very nice day today, it was dds first day at school on her own and she loved it, but when she came out she said wheres daddy i think it was because he was here yesterday when she went and we stayed with her

Well i called him today to ask him if he could take DD to school as i knew he wasnt in work till the afternoon and it was very windy and chucking it down, and he said no sorry im busy and that was that!

So i got DDs wellies out, her long coat and her umbrella and we walked it to school, i knew i shouldnt of asked him but it thought it wasnt very nice for DD to turn up on her first day soaking wet

The rain calmed down and we didn`t get soaked in the end thank god.

Anyway he called about an hour after DD got home from school to see how it went and to say he was busy sorting things out (hmmm thats always the excuse isnt it) and that he wanted to come in the morning to see DD and take her to school as hes busy in the afternoon with her as they are going shopping for new things for there house (ffs i really couldn`t give a shit, so i said oh right how nice for you???!!!!!) what does he want me to say???

OP posts:
AnneMayesR · 10/01/2008 18:27

God I would love to meet the two of them in a dark alley with a tazer, a baseball bat and a set of pliers.

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 10/01/2008 18:27

GUP WTF was he thinking???

I am so shocked, i haven`t got a clue what to say!!

I hope the cups make him happy!! FFS what would he want to take them for??

This PC im on now my XP brought it me so i need to watch out dont i, but its in my name and so is everything else in here, was the pc in your name when you brought it?

I hope he didn`t do all that infront of the DCs

So for you right now, and guess what i hate all men right now aswell

OP posts:
ginnedupudding · 10/01/2008 18:30

Oh how nice of him to tell you that.

Glad dd is enjoying school. You will probably find that the bedtime routine gets easier now she is at school as she will be really tired by the end of the day.

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 10/01/2008 18:37

He makes sure i know, i don`t know wether it is to rub it in or that he thinks for some reason i really want to know

I`m sure he wont stop talking about himself tomorrow

I hope she bloody breaks his heart into a million pieces, mind you his mom and dad would have him back anyway so he`s not going to be at a total loss.

GUP i think we are soo much better off on our own to be honest, we don`t need there cr@p anymore

DD is still awake but she is very tired so wont be long now

OP posts:
lizziemun · 10/01/2008 20:34

MOAP

He is playing games with you, with hugs as he leaves ect.

FWIW a freind of mine husband left her 14mths ago for a 19 yr old (what is it with 30 yr men) and he played these sort of games with her until a month ago when she told him that she was seeing some else and he broke down and cried when he finaly realised the door was firmly shut and he was left with what he thought he wanted (a 20yr old and only seeing his kids 2 twice a week.)

So hold your head up high and you will have the last laugh.

If he tries to hug you when he leaves then step away and tell him no, he gave up that right when he left you.

Original poster
mummyofaprincess · 10/01/2008 21:06

lizziemun sorry if this sounds nosey but how did your friend take this behaviour off her xdh? You havent got to answer that if you dont want to.

Bit with myself for letting it happen to be honest, its like i loose my voice when it happens as it comes as a suprise mostly, the on the way out thing happens 7 times out of 10 visits iyswim

OP posts:
critterjitter · 10/01/2008 21:45

Hmmm...17? It won't last long. And he's behaving like a 17 year old too, not facing up to his responsibilities. He'll be back.

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