The silent treatment is so damaging

[Seashell2022]

My bf is currently giving me the silent treatment after a row I didn’t even realise was a row . A conversation that he took offence to.

He says he isn’t giving me the silent treatment but he is . It’s really messing with my mh. Any tips please ?

Other than dtb I guess

Stonewalling / silent treatment is abusive. How often does he treat you like this ?

It's a really horrible way to treat someone. Is this a new boyfriend?

If I ever say something in an argument that upsets him I think. Which isn’t often but it’s terrible when it happens as I am going through a hard time in other ways currently so feel quite vulnerable

We haven’t argued (well we didn’t even have an argument!) for ages which is why I am just so shocked and upset he is ignoring me.
we have been together for 4 years (don’t live together )

You leave him.

Silent treatment is a form of control. It is an example of abusive behaviour in a relationship.

Do not continue to coast into an abusive relationship.

What’s literally sending me nuts is that he says he isn’t ignoring me he said I’m imagining it . Think he has blocked me on WhatsApp !

Tips For You...

1. Be very glad you don't live together.
2. Remain in/return to your own homes.
3. Carefully consider your future with this abuser.

Hope this helps.

@takeanotherchillpill

Tips For You...

1. Be very glad you don't live together.
2. Remain in/return to your own homes.
3. Carefully consider your future with this abuser.

Hope this helps.

It really does thanks and yes am totally glad we don’t live together .

@TracyMosby

You leave him.

Silent treatment is a form of control. It is an example of abusive behaviour in a relationship.

Do not continue to coast into an abusive relationship.

He honestly makes out it is me being unreasonable

He honestly makes out it is me being unreasonable
So what? He isnt in charge of you. You dont like his behaviour. You dont have to put up with it.

This would be a major red flag for me. Deal with it now. You both need to agree that there needs to be constant verbal communication during all disagreements going forward. I would be done if this does not happen.

I’m just wondering how long have you been in this relationship?
Are you both quite young?
Is this the first time he has inflicted the silent treatment on you?
Silent treatment is definitely emotional abuse. It sounds like this is just the beginning of worse to come if you both cannot ensure that this does not happen again.

Note: It is okay to have some time out to think about/process events alone with your own thoughts, but then you both need to be able to come back together and communicate effectively whilst listening to each other views, respecting them and apologising if need be, even if you do not agree with their opinion.

Next time he does this, or even this time, just walk quietly away…this is abusive and him saying you’re imagining it is gaslighting which is also abusive…you are not imagining it, he is nasty and you deserve better (and I’m just leaving an abuser so I know hard it is to accept that’s what’s going on, it took MN to point it out to me )

@TracyMosby

He honestly makes out it is me being unreasonable So what? He isnt in charge of you. You dont like his behaviour. You dont have to put up with it.

But what do I say? He just says I am falking nonsense when I try and say it’s not acceptable

Block him on whatapp. Block him in contacts. Go out for the afternoon. Phone friends for a chat. Book something youve been wanting to do for a while but have not got round to doing.

Make your life better so you stop thinking a man who makes you feel bad is good enough for you.

Urgh, my DH does this for days at a time, it's horrible. Now I just ignore and carry on as normal for DC, he'll give up eventually.

But what do I say? He just says I am falking nonsense when I try and say it’s not acceptable
Why argue?

This isnt working for me anymore. I wish you well for the future.

@PurpleMauve

This would be a major red flag for me. Deal with it now. You both need to agree that there needs to be constant verbal communication during all disagreements going forward. I would be done if this does not happen.

I’m just wondering how long have you been in this relationship?
Are you both quite young?
Is this the first time he has inflicted the silent treatment on you?
Silent treatment is definitely emotional abuse. It sounds like this is just the beginning of worse to come if you both cannot ensure that this does not happen again.

Note: It is okay to have some time out to think about/process events alone with your own thoughts, but then you both need to be able to come back together and communicate effectively whilst listening to each other views, respecting them and apologising if need be, even if you do not agree with their opinion.

Hi no we aren’t young we are both in our early 40s (both divorced )

It hasn’t happened for ages but we have been getting on well for ages

If you're asking how to stop his behaviour, give up. If there was a way to get through to him and make/help him realise his behaviour is unacceptable, it would be worth millions and all over the news.

If you're asking how you stop it affecting you and fucking your mh, then ltb is the only true solution.

If you need momentary relief, go meet friends, occupy yourself, do not pay attention to him etc til he decides he's punished you enough. And then you'll be ridiculously grateful that it's over and pander to him to avoid stepping out of line (except you won't know where the line is cos he changes them) until he decides to punish you for some unknown transgression again. And thus the cycle continues.

@WinterOfOurDiscoTent

Urgh, my DH does this for days at a time, it's horrible. Now I just ignore and carry on as normal for DC, he'll give up eventually.

How awful for your children!

@TracyMosby

Block him on whatapp. Block him in contacts. Go out for the afternoon. Phone friends for a chat. Book something youve been wanting to do for a while but have not got round to doing.

Make your life better so you stop thinking a man who makes you feel bad is good enough for you.

Gonna go out tonight with some friends def

He makes me feel so guilty by listing all the things he has done for me

OP - I’ve just read your updates.

End the relationship. Thank f you don’t live together.
And yes, blocking you on SM is ignoring you.

He's abusive and he's gas lighting you. Take notice of the wise Mumsnetters on here and LTB.

@Thingsdogetbetter

If you're asking how to stop his behaviour, give up. If there was a way to get through to him and make/help him realise his behaviour is unacceptable, it would be worth millions and all over the news.

If you're asking how you stop it affecting you and fucking your mh, then ltb is the only true solution.

If you need momentary relief, go meet friends, occupy yourself, do not pay attention to him etc til he decides he's punished you enough. And then you'll be ridiculously grateful that it's over and pander to him to avoid stepping out of line (except you won't know where the line is cos he changes them) until he decides to punish you for some unknown transgression again. And thus the cycle continues.

Gosh yes exactly this (

@TracyMosby

Block him on whatapp. Block him in contacts. Go out for the afternoon. Phone friends for a chat. Book something youve been wanting to do for a while but have not got round to doing.

Make your life better so you stop thinking a man who makes you feel bad is good enough for you.

Excellent advice.

You don’t have to say anything to him. You don’t have to persuade him that he is wrong or that his behaviour is abusive.

Say nothing and make your plans. Ideally go for for counselling yourself ( and don’t tell him you are going ).

I know , I’ll never live with him

It’s such a shame because we are usually really happily (when I am stable and in a good place , but when my life becomes complex it hugely rocks the boat)