Dating thread 223; Fresh starts and love hearts

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

TedMullins
That’s a disappointing date for sure 😣
I hope you can brush yourself off and not feel too downhearted
It can be , disheartening

teesguy

It sure is . I don’t have an easy answer for you either , I’m relying on expensive babysitters so IF I got jiggy (ha !) I’d have to spend £60 and get a bloody Uber home
I’m curious if you can
Leave your DD home alone and maybe visit your cycling iron ?

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Thanks to the many many posts around casual You lot are fantastic ! I need to unpick my thoughts around this

On a basic level I do want sex
I know that because when people post romance updates I’m not envious
But when they post sex updates I am

The fact that’s how I discern what I want , is concerning me !!!!

I don’t think it’s a bad way to discern what you want! I do think though that there’s more options than nsa sex or ‘sex with romance’. I’m not sure I’d say I have romance with my iron but we fancy the pants off each other and make each other laugh a lot.

ibelieveinmirrorballs

I think I need to spruce myself up , follow the advice and be a bit braver

Im worried my photos are too flattering and then meet me and don’t fancy me
But surely everyone has that insecurity

@SortingItOut thanks so much, that has given me a lot to think about. It I’m honest with myself, it sounds like what you have with Mr K is exactly what I would love to have (I’m not interested in a traditional relationship- for example I will never live with a man again).

I guess I am slightly worried that I won’t be able to maintain that distance. I came out of a long sexless relationship and I can’t work out whether it’s just sex I miss, or something more. What you have found sounds ideal! But I take your point that you can’t go into casual hoping it will turn into something else.

@teesguy

Lovely evening with MsCycling yesterday. She came over to mine while my DD was at her friends. Just got a takeaway and spent the evening chatting and smooching on the sofa......felt like I'd gone back to my teenage years!!

Having a call with my ex today to discuss her having DD on a weekend. Going to propose alternate weekends. No idea how to chat to DD about it. I don't want her to think I don't want her here but I also want some time where I can do my own thing. It's so difficult

That sounds like a lovely chilled evening - I love those times when you feel carefree and reliving our younger days… and why not?!

Good luck arranging something with your ex - having regular planned space for yourself is very needed.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

teesguy

It sure is . I don’t have an easy answer for you either , I’m relying on expensive babysitters so IF I got jiggy (ha !) I’d have to spend £60 and get a bloody Uber home
I’m curious if you can
Leave your DD home alone and maybe visit your cycling iron ?

She is 14 she can be left, but she wants to go to friends on a weekend so I end up being dad taxi and then waiting to see if she needs picking up. MsCycling is about 30 mins away from me so I'm always a bit on edge that DD will call with a problem and I'm not close.

@Thisisworsethananticpated thanks for starting this discussion, I feel the same as you- it’s a lot to think about!

@Thisisworsethananticpated

ibelieveinmirrorballs

I think I need to spruce myself up , follow the advice and be a bit braver

Im worried my photos are too flattering and then meet me and don’t fancy me
But surely everyone has that insecurity

I don't have that insecurity, I think my photos are terrible and I can only hope I look better in real life.

I don't have that insecurity, I think my photos are terrible and I can only hope I look better in real life

Well it isn’t holding you back !

Another learning from today’s chat
Even if it’s casual only i have to have a conversational spark and good chat 💬

I’m talking to the most lovely iron
I mentioned asd in my
Profile and it’s sparking some good conversations

This one is lovely
But he’s 22
That’s wrong isn’t it ?

@Thisisworsethananticpated I'm not photogenic in the slightest, I put up the best (of lots of bad ones) and hoped they'd be ok.
When I met people in person they said I looked better than my photos....that shows how bad they were 😂

[quote Gettingonwithit12]@SortingItOut thanks so much, that has given me a lot to think about. It I’m honest with myself, it sounds like what you have with Mr K is exactly what I would love to have (I’m not interested in a traditional relationship- for example I will never live with a man again).

I guess I am slightly worried that I won’t be able to maintain that distance. I came out of a long sexless relationship and I can’t work out whether it’s just sex I miss, or something more. What you have found sounds ideal! But I take your point that you can’t go into casual hoping it will turn into something else.[/quote]
I’m finding it quite easy to maintain the distance, I have a busy work life, and now a busy social/ hobby life as well, and would certainly never live with another woman again.
I’m probably a bit more like mirrorballs, I want good company and fun and good sex, but not the full time relationship bit anymore, but I do want more communication, so maybe I am a bit conflicted, need to think some more.

I’m not photogenic
But my photos are by some miracle really nice ones
I think we’ve al had dates when we meet people and despite chemistry etc it’s not there in real life

But I tend to focus on the negatives
I’ve actually only had 4 dates , 1 ended in sex , and 2 wanted to see me again , yet I focus one the 1 where we didn’t click

@Thisisworsethananticpated You can do any age you want.
Personally I never went below 30 (this is when I was 37 - 39) as my son is in his 20's and it made me feel like it would be like sleeping with his friends😱

SortingItOut
I’m 48! I’m his bloody mums age 🙈🙈🙈🙈
He’s is lovely though

@Thisisworsethananticpated
That’s and older woman fantasy he is looking for.

I think do what you want @Thisisworsethananticpated although a good friend of mine had a younger bloke frenzy on Hinge (she only ever seemed to be contacted by blokes in their 20s despite being late 40s) and ultimately she found it all a bit depressing.

They all saw her as part of an older woman fetish, the sex was variable, there was almost never any contact afterwards, and although she found it empowering to start with eventually it all felt a bit empty and she stopped.

To quote a post I saw on MN recently, there is an abundance of cock out there, you can be choosy and go for exactly what you want.

Hello everyone - new to the thread having rejoined the OLD world this year. I hope you can help me with this conundrum, which has probably arisen before. I had a first date with a lovely guy last night, we got on well, plenty to talk about etc. However, no chemistry. Is it worth persevering to see if that grows? To be honest I'm slightly distrustful of ' the spark' because following my loins has generally got me into trouble. What would you advise?

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Age is just a number, if you feel comfortable and you've both had an adult conversation about it why not.

To be honest I usually don’t accept that young but his message was so lovely and was about his asd sibling

Anyway , anyway !!!

I also got an 18 year old yesterday
Who looked 16
Jesus wept

snowynight

Tough one , maybe one more date ? Has he texted today
Was alcohol involved , don’t shoot me but it helps !!!!

Thanks Thisisworse - he doesn't drink so no alcohol! I had a couple but not enough to get things going - I know what you mean! Having said all that he hasn't been in touch so maybe he's not even interested 🙁. He walked me home at the end of the date and said shall we do this again, and I said yes, drop me a WhatsApp - might've sounded like a brush off I guess.

@Thisisworsethananticpated that would be too young for me personally but I tended yo go only a few years younger than me. I also know of someone who had loads of fun with uber buff men in their 20s, she was in her 50s. She knew they just wanted an older woman thing and she had a great time! Have fun!

I keep hearing that there are lots of men out there but where is everyone finding them? I have loads of chats on OLD but they very rarely translate into a date, and only one so far has been interested in taking things further! I’m a bit worried I might pursue the casual thing and have nobody interested

@Gettingonwithit12 I used okcupid and Bumble originally, then moved to tinder (profile making it clear what I was looking for) and then finally I joined Fabswingers which is a casual sex site and not just for swingers.
It was Fab where I met Mr K.