Dating thread 223; Fresh starts and love hearts

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

can you please tell me the rate of rotation of the moon.

I've often thought about asking a random question to people whose profiles say "ask me anything" but on balance anyone with anything about them wouldn't ever put that anyway, so they're unlikely to get why I've done it.
Plus I'd have to match with them to do it which I can't face

I often accept pings on Feeld just to tell 24 year olds that they are too young for me though. It might be their fantasy to shag someone old enough to be their grandmother, but it's not my fantasy to shag someone younger than my own nephew!

@MayEye

I think the height thing is slightly different to the chest size though. We women can be conditioned to be the smaller partner swamped by your large manly man so when you are a tall woman there can be a fear of looking big or ‘towering over’ your date if he’s not tall. I never understand why really petite women want really tall men though - think of the neck pain 😁

I’m tallish for a woman and thought I wanted to date a tall man. I was too polite to ask Mr L’s height before our date and ended up with a not v tall quite slim man who I instantly clicked with

Me too ... I was enjoying the chat with MrDublin so much I didn't get round to any of that 'how tall are you' ... so I went from MrA, 6'4 and a former personal trainer and professional hottie, to a slim and trim 5'10 chap with a very pleasant face but not one you could make money out of IYSWIM 😃 ... great thing is he's an absolute hoot and has been quite the revelation to me 💘 ... we do have lots in common though and that's why the chat went so well. #stillonthesmittenbench #dontgiveupthreadies

I used to melt at the idea of a tall man to make me feel ‘little and precious’ (I’m 5’8”). But actually I think it’s yet again the patriarchy innit, pushing women into seeking out situations where we’re at a physical disadvantage - like wearing heels that stop us running away. Anyway, Mr B is exactly the same height as me and there is nothing I would change about that. We are equals physically, emotionally, intellectually and sexually.

@Badbaddog

I used to melt at the idea of a tall man to make me feel ‘little and precious’ (I’m 5’8”). But actually I think it’s yet again the patriarchy innit, pushing women into seeking out situations where we’re at a physical disadvantage - like wearing heels that stop us running away. Anyway, Mr B is exactly the same height as me and there is nothing I would change about that. We are equals physically, emotionally, intellectually and sexually.

Snap 💘

I like a man to be a bit chunkier than me. I suppose it is internalised patriarchy.

@VanGoghsDog

I like a man to be a bit chunkier than me. I suppose it is internalised patriarchy.

Yeah I do love Mr B’s big tummy, so cuddly and makes me not so self-conscious of my obstinate CS overhang 😂

@Badbaddog also snap
Although Mr L is very slim and fit and I’m curvy and unfit 😂
He seems to like me though

Yeah, MrWG mentioned trying to lose weight to "get buff" for me. I never ever mentioned his weight. He did gradually lose quite a bit, but he was still nice and chunky.

But don't the apps already include a line item for height so you don't need to add it to the written description?

(It's practically irrelevant to me so maybe I have missed this)

@gelatodipistacchio

But don't the apps already include a line item for height so you don't need to add it to the written description?

(It's practically irrelevant to me so maybe I have missed this)

Not all of them, and you can choose to skip it

I like a man to be a bit chunkier than me. I suppose it is internalised patriarchy

So why do I (physically) prefer more curvy women ?
Biology, or just because they keep me warm in bed ?

What does everyone do for openers? I feel like I’m good at holding a conversation but crap at starting them especially if there’s nothing much in the bio

@VanGoghsDog Yeah it proves my point because after filtering me on height it turns out they didn’t like my personality 😄

@gelatodipistacchio

But don't the apps already include a line item for height so you don't need to add it to the written description?

(It's practically irrelevant to me so maybe I have missed this)

Tinder is the main offender here in not including height as something you supply within the profile template.

@gelatodipistacchio

But don't the apps already include a line item for height so you don't need to add it to the written description?

(It's practically irrelevant to me so maybe I have missed this)

Don't think Tinder does.

@curmudgeonly007

I like a man to be a bit chunkier than me. I suppose it is internalised patriarchy

So why do I (physically) prefer more curvy women ?
Biology, or just because they keep me warm in bed ?

More fertile. That's biology rather than social construct.

@ihavetogoshoppingnow

What does everyone do for openers? I feel like I’m good at holding a conversation but crap at starting them especially if there’s nothing much in the bio

Don't match with people with nothing in their profile?

Anyway: hi there, name, how are you! Ready for the week/weekend/holidays.....etc.

More fertile. That's biology rather than social construct.

So why is male height a social construct and not biology?
Surely on some level, a women would be looking for the tallest / strongest / best male as a potential mate ?

@curmudgeonly007

More fertile. That's biology rather than social construct.

So why is male height a social construct and not biology?
Surely on some level, a women would be looking for the tallest / strongest / best male as a potential mate ?

It's probably both - male = protector.

I'm not an academic, so I'm only theorising, there's not much point grilling me about it.

Just catching up on the thread after a crazy busy week. Accepted a new role within the same company last week.....knew what I was getting in to but boy it has been mega crazy.

Still chatting with MsCycling. We get on well and the conversation flows really easily. Not sure if I will get to see her this weekend.....my daughter was going to her mum's on a weekend but has now decided she would rather stay with me so she can see her friends. I can go out as she is old enough to be left and usually goes out to friends but it still feels a bit weird and I'm on edge in case she has a problem and calls. And obviously it means I can't have MsCycling over to mine. I don't want to force her to stay at her mum's as she will think I don't want her around but on the flip side I want a bit of space of my own. Not really sure how to resolve this.

@ihavetogoshoppingnow

What does everyone do for openers? I feel like I’m good at holding a conversation but crap at starting them especially if there’s nothing much in the bio

I usually look for something in the bio or pictures, one lady I chatted to had a sparse bio, but had a pic of her dog, so asked her about that and deliberately got the breed wrong to get the chat going

My standard opener is just saying hi and asking what they're up to today/ this weekend... it's not much but is enough to get a conversation started.

Few dates in and still not sure about an iron as he lives quite far away etc (mentioned this upthread).

He regularly mentions a female friend who lives nearby and he works with. She has now moved in with him for a few weeks (feels lonely as her housemate has gone away for work). He mentions her frequently and they hang out together a lot. No idea about the nature of their interactions etc as hes so new but it feels like quite a bit! I am feeling quite strongly towards saying 'sod this'. Is this likely to be overreacting?

Yellowhighheels
That wound be a hard no for me . Mentionitis?
But you deserve a date that puts you first and doesn’t pit you against a competitor from the outset . Game playing ?

@Yellowhighheels same - it's early days and it's already fraught. The situation sounds complicated.