Dating thread 223; Fresh starts and love hearts

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

When I first met Mr Beard I wasn’t sure in the first ten minutes if I fancied him. But then he made me laugh and charmed me. By date two definitely fancied him. It’s not all visual for me, it’s personality that matters most. Though I do really like his body too, which helps

@ButterflyOfShay Im exactly like that. I’ve always known instantly and it’s never been a grower situation for me I’m the same - I always know from the first kiss with someone if the chemistry is there or not… but it never grows from friends only.

Ref MrM yes I’m not sure whether things have changed that much but my anxiety is definitely improved. Our last two date weekends feel like they’ve cemented everything a bit more and perhaps I’m relaxing into it all. I’ve also been having weekly sessions with my therapist which is helping. Alongside all that though I’ve been working to keep my life outside of him going and when I feel the anxiety starting up I make a conscious effort to zone in on things for me - even if they’re indulgent things like splurging on clothes or booking massages 😆 I think it also helps that work is full-on already and I’m excited to get back into town post wfh directives.

How are you getting on with Dry Jan? What are your plans post January with that? Very exciting to have broken the habit!

ive noticed it's normally the first short relationship that never got off the ground after a longer / abusive on finished. That's the common theme I see 🙂

I see that too
And yeah maybe I’m tried and sad after shit date but been thinking of an old iron today

@Bangheadhere40

Don't be embarrassed about missing old irons who you weren't even in a relationship with. I was completely obsessed with Mr Straight, even now if I think about him I feel extremely anxious....it's such a weird feeling for someone you don't really know to have such a hold of you. Makes you think you are going crazy...me anyway.

I've noticed it's normally the first short relationship that never got off the ground after a longer / abusive on finished. That's the common theme I see 🙂

I also need to fancy them at first, it makes me more nervous if I do but I need to push through it or I end up with someone nice but I always feel something is missing.

That was absolutely my experience - my first iron post abusive marriage/divorce knocked me for six, even though we only lasted a couple of months. Took me way longer than that to get over it

Yep, it must be more common than we imagine. Because it's so 'odd' though and our own mind can't even rationalise it we get embarrassed. If we tell people then they don't really understand.

I think of mine a lot. I think because I have lost the hope and potential as it's not like a normal relationship that has an ending you can rationalise. It never really got started so we tend to fill in the gaps.

When my long term relationship ended my brain could see what wasn't working so easier to get over. It's yhe unknown with these short lived irons.

Ok just asking for some virtual strength here friends! Tonight is the first night I am CRAVING a drink soooo bad!! This is due to going back to the office for the first time in a couple of months (habit to crack one open as soon as I get home), and plain old hormones! 😂 please remind me not to.. I need the morals today.. thanking you 💗💗

@Bangheadhere40

And butterfly is that you Shayelle?

Yeah 💓

[quote ibelieveinmirrorballs]**@ButterflyOfShay* Im exactly like that. I’ve always known instantly and it’s never been a grower situation for me* I’m the same - I always know from the first kiss with someone if the chemistry is there or not… but it never grows from friends only.

Ref MrM yes I’m not sure whether things have changed that much but my anxiety is definitely improved. Our last two date weekends feel like they’ve cemented everything a bit more and perhaps I’m relaxing into it all. I’ve also been having weekly sessions with my therapist which is helping. Alongside all that though I’ve been working to keep my life outside of him going and when I feel the anxiety starting up I make a conscious effort to zone in on things for me - even if they’re indulgent things like splurging on clothes or booking massages 😆 I think it also helps that work is full-on already and I’m excited to get back into town post wfh directives.

How are you getting on with Dry Jan? What are your plans post January with that? Very exciting to have broken the habit![/quote]
That sounds so healthy… glad for you 😊😊

Come join our WhatsApp group...originally for the meet but not sure I can make it and it's nice to put faces to names 😊

Don’t shay
I feel miserable today , why ? Drank last night
Got the proper doom
Stay happier

@ButterflyOfShay don't do it! You will feel so much better tomorrow - both physically and knowing you stuck to your resolution! Have a lovely bath instead?

@ButterflyOfShay

Ok just asking for some virtual strength here friends! Tonight is the first night I am CRAVING a drink soooo bad!! This is due to going back to the office for the first time in a couple of months (habit to crack one open as soon as I get home), and plain old hormones! 😂 please remind me not to.. I need the morals today.. thanking you 💗💗

Remember - nobody ever wakes up saying “I’m so glad I drank alcohol last night!” 😬

Reaching for a drink is old behaviour Shay. Not 2022 you. You can do this 😎

No @ButterflyOfShay, my dry January buddy, no, please don’t do it, I need you on my side!!!

I have a pt session once a week and try and do 5 days in the gym on my own. Monday is my rest day as well as the day I help run Brownies. I find if I don't get my exercise in my head goes into over think mode like yesterday. My trainer mixes it up, this week we did circuits and my god I was out of breath but skipped out of the gym. I was in at 5.30 this morning and spent the day actually working so it also sets me up for the day.

As for missing old irons, I still miss Computer Geek. I also miss Mr Cricket but he hasn't disappeared just busy. I don't think he found the joke I sent him this morning funny (it was about the England cricket team mind you 😬) as he didn't reply or even send me a laughing emoji 😐 unlike the one I sent about Boris on Sunday.

@Isitreallyme12777 have you ever given yourself a proper break from MrCricket? I remember getting this sort of limerace for MrBeard and I had to delete his number in the end just to give myself a break. I remember it was quite bad for my MH and because I was stuck at home I wasn't able to break free from the temptation to message him, for ages

I’ve only learnt about limerence this week

I actually didn’t understand why I went so crazy for the overseas guy and I knew something wasn’t quite normal

Now I have a word it really helps

God the mind is a funny thing isn’t it
I’m really missing him today as the date was shit yesterday

Oy vey

@BelladiMamma over Christmas we messaged once on Christmas eve eve, then again on new years eve. I haven't seen him since December(which is actually only just over a month, it feels longer I blame it being a new year). When I say miss him, I don't actually miss him miss him. I miss what we do but then I think it's because up until last Sunday I hadn't actually been out since December and now my diary is full of days in the office, coffee dates, lunches, dinners. I'm a social butterfly again and it feels good even if I am now going to the gym at 5.30 in the morning so i can go before work

[quote Isitreallyme12777]@BelladiMamma over Christmas we messaged once on Christmas eve eve, then again on new years eve. I haven't seen him since December(which is actually only just over a month, it feels longer I blame it being a new year). When I say miss him, I don't actually miss him miss him. I miss what we do but then I think it's because up until last Sunday I hadn't actually been out since December and now my diary is full of days in the office, coffee dates, lunches, dinners. I'm a social butterfly again and it feels good even if I am now going to the gym at 5.30 in the morning so i can go before work[/quote]
I am in serious awe of your gym routine!! Go you!!

Yes I see what you mean. I guess I just meant cutting him off for say 30 days a bit like dry January. I remember I was coming on here and telling people how many days it had been since I'd last messaged BeardFlake and it felt like weaning myself off a drug

@Thisisworsethananticpated sorry for stealing your word 🤓 it's a great one though

I remember beard flake
You have so moved on !
Took me a wee bit longer

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I remember beard flake You have so moved on ! Took me a wee bit longer

I was tough on myself! I went cold turkey!!

Occasionally I find the odd photo that he sent me stored somewhere strange and I have to delete it. I do think about him, but only about how crap and dishonest he was, he never had any bloody intention of meeting me or having anything to do with me. He just loved flirting with me and thinking that he could have me if he wanted.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I remember beard flake You have so moved on ! Took me a wee bit longer

I got selfish and I got thick skinned too!!

Staying strong 💪💪 thank you it helped reading the support 🥛 the craving has passed thankfully!

@Bangheadhere40

Yep, it must be more common than we imagine. Because it's so 'odd' though and our own mind can't even rationalise it we get embarrassed. If we tell people then they don't really understand.

I was the same … it was embarrassing as we’d never met. I was weirdly attached. We did used to message loads. Meant jack all though

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Don’t shay I feel miserable today , why ? Drank last night Got the proper doom Stay happier

xx tomorrow is a new day 🥛