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Original poster

Legal ceremony in registry office day before main event

141 replies

Girl189 · 09/01/2022 22:56

I'm hoping for some help regarding my secret wedding.

My fiancé and I are getting married in the summer with the legal but being done in the registry office the day before our surprise wedding the following evening.

Nobody will know we will have already gotten married the day before. The only reason we are is our ceremony will be after hours on the Friday so the registrars are unable to attend.

I want the legal but to be short, sweet, signed sealed and done as we will see the Friday evening as our "wedding".

I need help in planning what to wear, and what to expect or request for the legal bit as only my parents and our son will be witnessing it.

Following it, we're going to our wedding venue for a posh afternoon tea together. I don't want to wear a white dress or have him wear a suit but I'm not entirely sure what would be appropriate as I know there will be others who have chosen the registry office as their main ceremony venue so don't want to underdress at all either.

They said I can walk down the aisle, provide some music, etc. but I don't want any of that. But if we don't, how will the ceremony actually pan out? I can just envisage an awkward 20 mins or so. Has anybody else done this?

Thanks for any advice xx

OP posts:
TrashyPanda · 09/01/2022 23:00

Sorry, but I am really confused.

The “legal” bit is the wedding/marriage service, isn’t it?

Are you having a blessing the next day, followed by a party?

SavoyCabbage · 09/01/2022 23:01

My friend didn't this, got married legally the day before her Muslim wedding. They just wore the sort of clothes you would wear to go to a restaurant. They didn't have music or flowers or anything.

I don't think any of the other people there are going to give any thought to what you are wearing. They are interested in their own wedding.

Original poster
Girl189 · 09/01/2022 23:02

Sorry I should have explained clearly. We're having the legal ceremony in the registry office and having a blessing and full ceremony with our guests the following day, which we will treat as our wedding day.

OP posts:
Hugasauras · 09/01/2022 23:04

No tips but I know several people who have done this so I don't think it's uncommon at all. I'm in Scotland but the rules in England about where you can get married are a lot tighter, aren't they? So it's not unusual for people to do the legal ceremony the day before and have the wedding celebration with vows the next day at their venue of choice.

I don't think it'll be awkward. You can just go in and out. We had a no frills registry office ceremony and it can be as pared back as you want.

Viviennemary · 09/01/2022 23:06

Are your guests going to be told they are attending a fake wedding. Its a bonkers idea. Sorry.

massiveblob · 09/01/2022 23:08

I know lots that this this. Tiny covid weddings then a day that was a blessing but ran like a wedding

massiveblob · 09/01/2022 23:09

I quite fancy doing the same. Most just wear smart casual ad if you going to a restaurant. We might do it with our kids in attendance then a summer party

laurenlodge · 09/01/2022 23:09

If you're planning a special outfit and marking it with a special tea afterwards is it necessarily true that you're seeing the Friday as your real wedding? We did the same as you - but tried to keep the actual ceremony very low key so that it would feel more like the wedding was the next day. We wore normal clothes, went straight home etc etc. But it's very individual - so it's hard for people to suggest outfits and things I think?

Zonder · 09/01/2022 23:10

@Viviennemary

Are your guests going to be told they are attending a fake wedding. Its a bonkers idea. Sorry.
Not bonkers at all. Lots of countries do this. You do the legal bit at least a day before then have the actual wedding in the setting you want when you want. Nobody thinks it's a fake wedding, it's just that you get the paperwork done in advance instead of half way through the ceremony.
TrashyPanda · 09/01/2022 23:11

Thanks for explain - I was probably being a bit dense!

I suppose it comes down to this - is it just a formality, in which case I’d wear whatever I fancied or is it a “part” of your wedding, where you might want to wear a dress etc.

I really wouldn’t worry about what any other parties are wearing, cos it isn’t about them - it’s about you and your spouse to be.

I think I might be tempted to just be totally casual, because weddings are expensive enough without having to buy another outfit.

Registry office ceremonies are really all about the legal formalities - declaring who you are, that you are free to marry etc, and you can keep it as basic as you want.

Good luck!

Tippexy · 09/01/2022 23:11

Ooh are you springing a wedding on your guests? You’re brave! Grin

gogohm · 09/01/2022 23:11

Just wear whatever you feel like, I witnessed my friends legal wedding (they were getting married in a Hindu temple who don't have permission to do the legal bit) they just wore jeans and we had a quick pint afterwards at Wetherspoons! It was just a formality the "real" wedding for them took place over the next 3 days, yes 3!

Wolfiefan · 09/01/2022 23:12

It’s not a full ceremony without the registrars though. Confused

PermanentTemporary · 09/01/2022 23:14

I've been to loads of weddings like this. There's nothing fake about a meaningful ceremony at a time and place that suit you!

I would personally make it special and wear your very favourite smart outfit - something you'd wear as a wedding guest maybe. Or you could buy something new. I'd go for knee length smart and jewels rather than a big dress or very casual. But tbh wear jeans if you like or fancy dress - why the hell not?

Omicrone · 09/01/2022 23:14

I'm intrigued!

So under what guise are you getting everyone together on the Friday evening for the surprise wedding? Why is it a surprise?

LawnFever · 09/01/2022 23:16

Just wear something appropriate for your meal afterwards, in all honesty nobody at the registry office will bat and eyelid at what you’re wearing at all.

LawnFever · 09/01/2022 23:18

@Wolfiefan

It’s not a full ceremony without the registrars though. Confused
That’s happening the day before, they don’t need the registrars for the celebration/blessing they’re inviting the guests to.
AuntieStella · 09/01/2022 23:18

It's not a bonkers plan, it's a perfectly normal way of holding weddings!

OP: you could go to the register office in jeans as you will have zero impact on the others there. As you're planning a little family afternoon afterwards, then dress according to the sort of place you'll be going.

I think plain, no music, no frills, just do the legalities will be fine. It won't be awkward, it'll just reflect that it's only the legal/functional bit. All you energies for music, posh clothes etc go into the 'proper' wedding

SarahAndQuack · 09/01/2022 23:19

This is very normal - everyone in England who gets married but not in certain church venues, will do the same. I am really surprised people aren't familiar with it? Confused It's really normal. It's not a 'fake wedding' at all. The issue is just that, in England, you can only have a legal and religious ceremony at the same time if you belong to certain religious groups. For everyone else, you have to choose between the legal wedding and the ceremony.

HemanOrSheRa · 09/01/2022 23:24

@Zonder

[quote Viviennemary]
Are your guests going to be told they are attending a fake wedding. Its a bonkers idea. Sorry.

Not bonkers at all. Lots of countries do this. You do the legal bit at least a day before then have the actual wedding in the setting you want when you want. Nobody thinks it's a fake wedding, it's just that you get the paperwork done in advance instead of half way through the ceremony.[/quote]
Yep. My sister did this. She wore an absolutely gorgeous cream trouser suit. Stunning. I've never seen her looking more beautiful. Thats her style though. Her now wife wanted the full on dress, she looked absolutely stunning too. Then a couple of days later they had the whole shebang at a venue. I'd say, go with what makes you feel comfortable. Don't worry about other people. Also, you will get good advice from the Style and Beauty Board so ask there.

SmokeAndBone · 09/01/2022 23:27

I conduct legal weddings as a registrar, at Register offices and venues. I also conduct wedding celebration ceremonies as a celebrant
I'm not entirely clear what your dilemma is - but if I've understood it properly, it's about what you should wear for the legal ceremony?
Many couples who are married in this way (and despite what others are saying, it's become very common - I'm in England) wear smart/casual for the legal ceremony, saving the white dress and bridesmaids for the celebration ceremony.
Feel free to ask more if I haven't quite covered what you're asking!

RustyBear · 09/01/2022 23:27

Because of Covid, DD did something similar, though in her case, the events were rather further apart. She had the legal ceremony at a register office, where she wore this dress, then a reception eight months later, where she and her husband said their own vows with a friend 'officiating', for which she wore her 'proper' wedding dress, (which she'd bought before Covid). And this weekend, six months after that, she's finally having her hen do!

Legal ceremony in registry office day before main event
Original poster
Girl189 · 09/01/2022 23:28

Without spilling all the details for fear of being found out, we will have been together 10 years on the day we're having the blessing in front of our guests. It's a surprise because we don't want to put pressure on the people attending to worry about cost/losing weight (not that I think they should but that's what everyone I know says when there's a wedding coming up). We also have another family wedding this year which is abroad and has been postponed twice. Theirs is a true fairytale and we don't want to take any of their limelight. We hate being centre stage so we don't want stag/hen dos etc. we've been together for so long and have a son and been engaged a long time.

We want our blessing to be the main event as we've taken the time to choose the person we want to perform the ceremony and have fantastic ideas of how the night with go. It's a special to us place and we just want a buzzing atmosphere with our crazy family who will absolutely love the surprise. I've got a whole story to get them there and the venue are playing their part too. If worst come to worst we will tell a select few as they live far away or have jobs that will likely prevent them from coming unless they have a special reason. But I think it'll go ahead mostly as planned.

Thanks all for the clothes advice. Smart clothes will suit us and then just get the paperwork done with as little "ceremony" as possible so we can just concentrate on the following day.

The afternoon tea was suggested by the venue and we'll see that as the calm before the crazy day ahead of us and will enjoy some special down time before the nerves and worry kicks in!

OP posts:
Hugasauras · 09/01/2022 23:28

@RustyBear Ooh that dress is beautiful! I wore a gold sequin dress for our registry office wedding. Can't beat a bit of sparkle!

Blossom64265 · 09/01/2022 23:32

DH and I did this, though didn’t manage quite as close one day and the next. We popped into the office in regular clothes during our lunch breaks and then went back to work. Just handled it like any other bit of paperwork. We always thought of our ceremony with the family as the real wedding.