Legal ceremony in registry office day before main event

[Girl189]

I'm hoping for some help regarding my secret wedding.

My fiancé and I are getting married in the summer with the legal but being done in the registry office the day before our surprise wedding the following evening.

Nobody will know we will have already gotten married the day before. The only reason we are is our ceremony will be after hours on the Friday so the registrars are unable to attend.

I want the legal but to be short, sweet, signed sealed and done as we will see the Friday evening as our "wedding".

I need help in planning what to wear, and what to expect or request for the legal bit as only my parents and our son will be witnessing it.

Following it, we're going to our wedding venue for a posh afternoon tea together. I don't want to wear a white dress or have him wear a suit but I'm not entirely sure what would be appropriate as I know there will be others who have chosen the registry office as their main ceremony venue so don't want to underdress at all either.

They said I can walk down the aisle, provide some music, etc. but I don't want any of that. But if we don't, how will the ceremony actually pan out? I can just envisage an awkward 20 mins or so. Has anybody else done this?

Thanks for any advice xx

Muslim friends of mine did the register office thing at the appropriate time in the 5 days of the wedding. We'd travelled for it and were well aware that we were at the meaningful events rather than the legal formalities.
Let people know it's the celebration. Wear something nice for the legal bit that you can wear out for dinner.

Hi OP,

I've been a marriage registrar and done a few weddings like this. Most people either wear their wedding dress or some relatively formal attire.

I think it's a good idea to have a song or something special to you played as at every wedding I've attended when 'the real' do is the following day or so there's always a moment for the couple when the legal reality that they're getting married right there and then sinks in. It is a special moment even if the celebration the following day will be even more special, I would hate for you to feel afterwards that you hurried the moment. However of course you might not feel like that at all!

Your celebrant for the registration office wedding will be in touch with you to discuss your options for the ceremony. Chat it through with them, they will have conducted many marriage ceremonies like this.

Have a wonderful time!

This is very normal - everyone in England who gets married but not in certain church venues, will do the same. I am really surprised people aren't familiar with it?

"Everyone" ?!?
No they won't. Registrars go to hotels / castles / other buildings that are licenced and complete the ceremony there.

OP - I think it depends, as you are sort of mixing up 2 things. On one hand you say you consider your wedding to be the ceremony you plan with all your family and friends you are tricking into coming the next day, and that is when you will wear your wedding dress and that is what you will consider your wedding to be. This implies the registry office is a formal completing of paperwork, which, quite frnakly you can wear anything for. You can go in your jeans or your work clothes or you can wear the dress you are going to wear the following day, or anything in between.
OTOH, you say you are inviting parents and dc and that you are then going for afternoon tea, like this part of the whole occasion is important to you. In which case, dress up. Wear something you would wear to someone else's wedding, or a lovely posh restaurant, or a Christening or something.

I once went to a wedding in a registry office where there were 8 of us, and they were having a ceremony in woods the next day with friends and family all invited to that service and party. Everyone dressed up in suits and nice dresses, if that helps at all. But everyone was reminded to dress casually for the woods the next day.

I am well aware that in some cultures when the person who performs the religious marriage ceremony is not a Registrar then a separate legal ceremony in Registry Office is required. There is no deceit involved. That is not the sutuation being described here.

@Viviennemary

I am well aware that in some cultures when the person who performs the religious marriage ceremony is not a Registrar then a separate legal ceremony in Registry Office is required. There is no deceit involved. That is not the sutuation being described here.

Calm down EdgeLord.

We were once invited to a 50th birthday party which, when we got there, turned out to be a wedding party for the couple, who'd got married in a register office the day before. Nobody walked out in disgust at having been deceived, but then again, nobody generally walked round with a broom handle stuck up their arses.

I got married outdoors with 100 guests and therefore had a separate legal wedding which we did a few days later. I didn't want to have the legal ceremony before the main "wedding" as I wanted that to feel like the first time we'd said our vows was at the main event. It really didn't matter that we aren't legally married, it still felt very much like our wedding ceremony and that's the day we mark as our anniversary. You do have to remember the other date for legal forms etc though.

We had v close family and my husbands best mate to the legal bit and used them as witnesses followed by a lunch and punting. It was really nice.

I wore a navy blue short lacy dress from oasis with cap sleeves with a pale yellow cardigan. Husband wore a plain suit (he wore a morning suit to the main thing). So we were dressed up but less so.

So we made it into a smaller thing than the main event but it wasn't a non event. Somewhere in between!

I liked it. It was perfect for us.

@SarahAndQuack

This is very normal - everyone in England who gets married but not in certain church venues, will do the same. I am really surprised people aren't familiar with it? It's really normal. It's not a 'fake wedding' at all. The issue is just that, in England, you can only have a legal and religious ceremony at the same time if you belong to certain religious groups. For everyone else, you have to choose between the legal wedding and the ceremony.

No they don’t! Separating the legal wedding and the ceremony with guests happens but is very definitely an unusual thing to do. I have never personally heard of anyone doing it. As a guest I would be annoyed if I though I was going to a wedding only to find it was the party bit afterwards and the couple were already married in law.

I don’t really understand what the OP is trying to do. It sounds like they do want to celebrate the legal day and are then having a surprise “wedding” the next day only isn’t a wedding as they will already be married, so it is a surprise, fake wedding. No, none if this is normal, it sounds bonkers.

My nephew and his wife did this and it was fabulous.

They got married in England in the registry office but the ceremony (with friend who was a marriage celebrant) and the wedding festivities done in Granada (Spain) as a whole weekend.

She wore a simple dress for the registry and a lovely white dress for the wedding celebration. We all knew they were already legally married but for us, coming from all over the world, the wedding celebration was exactly that - the celebration of their marriage.

Maybe something like these for your registry/ celebration wedding?

www.rotita.com/rotita-three-quarter-sleeve-round-neck-back-zipper-lace-dress-g225502.html?currency=AUD&gclid=CjwKCAiArOqOBhBmEiwAsgeLmfi3JeBnD71XR5ZEbg25l57khZPxQtjKNPtz9LA_GU5Y3EiEzQcpUxoCWssQAvD_BwE

www.jjshouse.com.au/A-Line-Scoop-Neck-Knee-Length-Chiffon-Mother-Of-The-Bride-Dress-With-Cascading-Ruffles-008204896-g204896/?utm_term=204896&utm_size=06&gclid=CjwKCAiArOqOBhBmEiwAsgeLmaZoQytXPkg84t0_IbTjWrfW77-hTTabNbXLZDCYhIvmj1OMcyw7JBoCZM4QAvD_BwE

www.jjshouse.com.au/Sheath-Column-Scoop-Neck-Knee-Length-Chiffon-Lace-Mother-Of-The-Bride-Dress-With-Beading-Sequins-008225546-g225546/?utm_term=225546&utm_size=06&gclid=CjwKCAiArOqOBhBmEiwAsgeLmUZDs0JNi2WVq5PX7NTnlnwxsJvG6LLas4v4Dsh3r8pZkUXFH41lJRoClFMQAvD_BwE

Ops, have I done anything wrong? I just posted three dresses websites. Apologies if not allowed.

I've seemed to have caused quite a stir...

We know it won't be fake as we will have a full and meaningful ceremony in front of all the people we love and care about.

My parents, who are more like my partner's parents than his own, will be at the legal part as our witnesses and they already know about our plans. His parents don't have a close relationship with us but they know the plans too. They also live very far away and know the registry office is "just to sort the paperwork".

The words we will say to each other and the ceremony performed in front of our guests will be our version of our wedding ceremony nothing fake and performed by someone we have chosen and is special to us.

Nobody will leave thinking it is a bogus wedding. And I will be happy to let them know that the legal paperwork and legally binding words were said the day before if anybody asks. Which I doubt will even cross their minds due to the huge surprise and the excitement and happiness they will be feeling on the night of our main event.

Luckily we aren't inviting any old person off the street so we know our guests and know that they will be there for us after all we've been through and truly happy for us.

We wouldn't have planned it this way and spent a fortune on having it this way if we thought otherwise.

The biggest thing to worry about it not letting it slip between now and then.

Thank you all for your help and advice on what to expect during the legal ceremony and what to wear, which is what I asked for. I'm so excited!!

@TrashyPanda

Sorry, but I am really confused.

The “legal” bit is the wedding/marriage service, isn’t it?

Are you having a blessing the next day, followed by a party?

Don't be so rude. This is perfectly common in nearly every other country in the world. It's just our archaic wedding laws (which, by the way, are currently in the process of being changed by The Law Commission to bring us in line with the rest of the world) which means that we see 'the legal bit' as being the whole wedding ceremony. It isn't! The 'legal bit' is simply that...the legal bit! The wedding CEREMONY is whatever you want it to be, at whatever venue you wish it to be at, at whatever time AFTER 'the legal bit'.

Ask any celebrant (go on...ask me, I've conducted several 100s of beautiful ceremonies that have taken place AFTER 'the legal bit 🥰)

Oh, and posters saying it's a 'blessing' of the marriage...that would be in a church after the legalities had taken place...if it was at a venue with a celebrant, it would be a 'Wedding Celebration Ceremony' not a blessing.

Someone upthread said you couldn't legally get married outside in the UK. This is untrue. You can in Scotland. We have much less strict rules about when and where you can get married.

I did something v similar. I grew up in Christian home and was very familiar with church weddings even though I don't practise anymore. My DH is completely unreligious and we would have both felt hypocritical with some of the content. But the legal non religious ceremony always seemed to me to be very brief for something I would consider to be such a significant event. We got married in a register office 2 weeks before with a few ppl (closest family and 1 family who could not attend the 'Big Day') I didn't decide what to wear until the day - a simple sun dress and flip flops as it was a really hot day! My husband wore a suit without tie.
Two weeks later a good friend of my family led the ceremony and included some spiritual and humanist elements and personal anecdotes which would not be allowed in a legal wedding but that were special to us. For us that was the important day - I wore the dress , husband had a more flamboyant suit and 50 ppl attended. That's the day we recognise and celebrate as our wedding anniversary

This is really common. A close family member did this, despite marrying in a church, because they lived abroad and couldn't be in the country for the banns to be read. I don't know how many people knew that they had "officially" married a few days before but I do know that no one sensible would have cared. The wedding we attended was their wedding but the legal paperwork had been sorted out in advance.

Sounds lovely OP. As you have guests to the legal bit I would dress smartly, but I do know people who have done this who have gone in jeans. They also didn't bother with music or any frills at the registry office as saw it as just getting the paperwork done.

Maybe I missed it but what guise are you using to get people to the celebration? Just asking as a friend of mine did something like this and some people didn't turn up as they didn't know it was a wedding celebration so thought it was no big deal.

Lots of people have the legal part separate to the celebration, often for religious reasons, am surprised people see it as uncommon

@Viviennemary

I am well aware that in some cultures when the person who performs the religious marriage ceremony is not a Registrar then a separate legal ceremony in Registry Office is required. There is no deceit involved. That is not the sutuation being described here.

Um - yes it is - OP is planning a handfasting

I don't know why people have such an issue with someone having a legal registry office wedding to make it official then the wedding of their choice afterwards.

In the UK this is perfectly normal especially with those getting married in religious ceremonies.It's not uncommon for the wedding to be held over more than one day either.

I don't see how a thread about what to wear to her legal bit of her wedding has been derailed so much.

@Girl189

Wear whatever you're comfortable in;do you have a favourite going out outfit or favourite summer dress etc in your wardrobe?Or smart jeans and a nice top etc?

Wishing you the best for your wedding 👰🏽 congratulations

Just wear what your want to wear for afternoon tea.

@TrashyPanda

Sorry, but I am really confused.

The “legal” bit is the wedding/marriage service, isn’t it?

Are you having a blessing the next day, followed by a party?

Not for a lot of people, until the 1980s your choice was a C of E church or a register office for a legal wedding, lots of people would do the 'legal bit' the day before and have their 'real' wedding in their chosen church, mosque, temple, back garden etc.

Lots of 60s celebs did it too, Cilla Black

For religious people the religious bit is the important bit. For people who want a night time ceremony or one in a field then again this is the important bit.

The same for a hot air balloon or a tent.

My late DH and I had the legal ceremony on 31.08.99 so we are talking over 20 years ago. I wore a long brown and red poppy shift dress with a long red chiffon overcoat and a red hat he wore a plain suit.

We had our blessing on 9.9.99 in the eye of the White Horse with sausage and mash and bucks fizz and beer in the local pub followed by an afternoon of Aunt Sally. I wore a M&S white cheese cloth shift dress with a gold velvet overcoat. He wore a multicoloured waistcoat over a white granddad shirt and tartan trews.

Not unusual to split the legal bit from the "fun" bit back then either.

We did something similar 30 years ago - very small wedding in register office on the Friday followed by church blessing and reception on the Saturday. In our case it was because my husband was divorced and we could t have a church wedding.

To the register office I wore the sort of thing I would have worn as a guest to someone else's wedding. In fact I did wear it to someone's wedding later that year. I wore a traditional wedding dress to the blessing.

The vicar who performed the blessing was very clear that we could not pretend that the ceremony was a wedding. There were various differences incorporated into the ceremony to make it different from a wedding. For example, the vicar didn't ask if anyone knew any just cause or impediment to our marriage. And my husband and I walked up the aisle together, rather than me being walked up by my father. Having said that I went to a ´hand fasting' ceremony a couple of years ago when the bride was walked down the aisle by her father, despite having been legally married in a civil ceremony a few days earlier, so I presume the church is fussier about this than others (or at least it was 30 years ago)!

We also made clear on our invitations that it was a blessing rather than a wedding, but presumably that won't be an issue in this case if it is a surprise.

I'd disagree that this is "normal" for non-religious weddings. Most people having civil ceremonies and a big do will get a registrar to perform the ceremony either at a nice registry office or at the location of their choice and do both the legal and the soppy bits at the same time.

However it's a perfectly valid choice if it works for you, and I hope you have a lovely time OP. I'd wear whichever your favourite outfit is or buy a new knee/midi length dress that you really like and will get more use out of for smart events. It'll be nice to have a couple of photos (just phone snaps) to capture the event. If you're there with the people who mean most to you then it doesn't sound like it's purely a "getting it out of the way" bit of paperwork like it is for some couples who literally do it in their lunch hour in jeans with a random witness.