Page 2 | Legal ceremony in registry office day before main event

wejammin · 09/01/2022 23:33

We did this, but the legal bit was a week before our full wedding day, which couldn't be legal because it was outside.
I just wore a pretty but quite informal dress, it was black and red, DH wore a shirt and chinos, no music, just the shortest words possible. The registrar was quite happy with the arrangement. We went to the pub afterwards.

elelel · 09/01/2022 23:34

Nobody will know we will have already gotten married the day before.

Won't they wonder why they have come to a wedding with no wedding? Or have you hired some actor's to conduct a fake service?

elelel · 09/01/2022 23:36

Sorry I missed your update/

So the guests think they are coming to a blessing of what? Your relationship?

Opentooffers · 09/01/2022 23:36

Am I missing something? Thought I'd hit the style and beauty chat by mistake. But no, we are in relationships, so perhaps op hit the wrong button

burnoutbabe · 09/01/2022 23:36

Guests will spot it is fake. Then you'd have to tell them you did the legal stuff the day before else they will assume you didn't actually get married.

Some may be unhappy finding that out after thinking they saw you get married. Parents for example.

elelel · 09/01/2022 23:37

Oh god posted too soon

We got married in the registers with just 2 witnesses. DH wore a suit and I wore a skirt and blazer. I can't remember how long it took but we just went in and got it done then went home!!

SmokeAndBone · 09/01/2022 23:38

@elelel

Nobody will know we will have already gotten married the day before.

Won't they wonder why they have come to a wedding with no wedding? Or have you hired some actor's to conduct a fake service?

Guests will be invited to the wedding celebration ceremony of OP + OPDH They will know they are going to a wedding! The 'secret' is that the ceremony will not be legally binding, as that part will have been done in the register office previously.

Justkeeppedaling · 09/01/2022 23:39

Are you Harry and Meghan?

PermanentTemporary · 09/01/2022 23:39

I'm really mystified at all this 'fake' stuff. I just 2 months ago went to a lovely wedding with different ceremonies involved, and I had one myself years ago. None of it was fake. There was a legally binding bit and bits that were more about personally meaningful stuff.

SmokeAndBone · 09/01/2022 23:41

@burnoutbabe

Guests will spot it is fake. Then you'd have to tell them you did the legal stuff the day before else they will assume you didn't actually get married.

Some may be unhappy finding that out after thinking they saw you get married. Parents for example.

The wedding celebration ceremony won't be 'fake' at all! It will be a genuine wedding celebration ceremony. The legal words which contract a marriage are actually fewer than you might realise - exchanging rings and promises, saying 'I do' for example, are not legal requirements. So they will be excluded from the legal ceremony and added into the wedding celebration.

SmokeAndBone · 09/01/2022 23:42

@PermanentTemporary

I'm really mystified at all this 'fake' stuff. I just 2 months ago went to a lovely wedding with different ceremonies involved, and I had one myself years ago. None of it was fake. There was a legally binding bit and bits that were more about personally meaningful stuff.

Exactly this!

Viviennemary · 09/01/2022 23:42

It sounds a totally strange plan. I wouldn't be happy to attend the wedding of folk who were already married. I honestly can't see the point. What a waste of time and money. No wonder marriage has lost its meaning these days if this is what it has come to. Cant believe people think its ok to deceive their guests in this way.

toastofthetown · 09/01/2022 23:43

When you say no one will know, I’d still be honest with them that the wedding was the day before. It’s perfectly normal in many countries to do it that way and they’re a nothing wrong with it, but being upfront with everyone makes the most sense to me.

There’s legal wording that you have to say when you get married, that obviously won’t be at your ceremony, and your guests might also question how the registrars are there after hours. I think I could tell quite easily the difference between a blessing and a marriage, but maybe that’s because I’m recently married and wanted a short ceremony.

Hugasauras · 09/01/2022 23:44

@Viviennemary

It sounds a totally strange plan. I wouldn't be happy to attend the wedding of folk who were already married. I honestly can't see the point. What a waste of time and money. No wonder marriage has lost its meaning these days if this is what it has come to. Cant believe people think its ok to deceive their guests in this way.

You don't sound like someone anyone would want to invite anyway tbh so I wouldn't worry about it.

Original poster

Girl189 · 09/01/2022 23:44

My worry was that I've never attended a registry office wedding so I wasn't sure what to expect when all I want is the formalities to be done there.

We will have a celebrant the following day who will conduct what you would call a full wedding ceremony but we are discussing what we want it to include. For one, we are having a hand fasting ceremony. She said we could even have a signing of the book if we wanted to. Our venue is licensed to have weddings but we can't have the registrar to do it as it is passed their 4pm last ceremony rule.

OP posts:

Hugasauras · 09/01/2022 23:45

I'm quite surprised people have never heard of this. I don't even live in England and know several couples who have done this. It seems quite unremarkable given the pretty restrictive nature of where you can actually legally get married there. It's just doing the paperwork and then doing the actual vows in front of family and friends wherever you actually want to do it.

PermanentTemporary · 09/01/2022 23:45

Vivienne the guests will think they are going to a party or similar and will then find that with no stress or build up or nonsense about wedding lists or bridesmaids, that they are at a wonderful wedding where their friends who have loved each other and been committed for ten years now want to mark the anniversary by getting married. Honestly, isn't that beautiful?

QuillBill · 09/01/2022 23:47

@Viviennemary

It sounds a totally strange plan. I wouldn't be happy to attend the wedding of folk who were already married. I honestly can't see the point. What a waste of time and money. No wonder marriage has lost its meaning these days if this is what it has come to. Cant believe people think its ok to deceive their guests in this way.

What a spectacular over reaction. Not all weddings are the same.

I've been to plenty of weddings where the legal ceremony did not take place before my eyes. Some people want to be married legally but they want the ceremony that matters to them to be from their own faith. The legal part isn't the part that matters to them the most.

coogee · 09/01/2022 23:47

My worry was that I've never attended a registry office wedding so I wasn't sure what to expect when all I want is the formalities to be done there

Have you seen this website?

www.thecelebrantdirectory.com/legally-marry-with-uk-celebrant/

SarahAndQuack · 09/01/2022 23:50

@Viviennemary

It sounds a totally strange plan. I wouldn't be happy to attend the wedding of folk who were already married. I honestly can't see the point. What a waste of time and money. No wonder marriage has lost its meaning these days if this is what it has come to. Cant believe people think its ok to deceive their guests in this way.

Are you very insular then? You've never had friends who were British Hindu, say?

It sounds awfully close to racist to say that a non-legal ceremony isn't meaningful. And very silly to believe it's 'deceptive' for anyone to have the legal ceremony separately from other meaningful ceremonies.

Blossom64265 · 09/01/2022 23:52

All the people will know it’s fake claimers have no idea what they are talking about.

The actual legal bits for a marriage to occur are very simple. Most of the ceremony is unnecessary fluff. In the eyes of the government, it’s paperwork that they have to be really sure you are agreeing to sign.
People do this all the time. They have the full ceremony with all the pomp and circumstance and no one knows that the paperwork was signed on a different day because doing it on the actual wedding day is often logistically difficult.

LawnFever · 09/01/2022 23:54

@burnoutbabe

Guests will spot it is fake. Then you'd have to tell them you did the legal stuff the day before else they will assume you didn't actually get married.

Some may be unhappy finding that out after thinking they saw you get married. Parents for example.

I don’t think the OP will be pretending it’s anything other than it is, her parents are attending the registry office

Lots of people do this, my friends who are Jewish did as they had an outside religious ceremony on the wedding day & you can’t legally get married outdoors in the UK.

SarahAndQuack · 09/01/2022 23:55

@Girl189

I'm hoping for some help regarding my secret wedding.

My fiancé and I are getting married in the summer with the legal but being done in the registry office the day before our surprise wedding the following evening.

Nobody will know we will have already gotten married the day before. The only reason we are is our ceremony will be after hours on the Friday so the registrars are unable to attend.

I want the legal but to be short, sweet, signed sealed and done as we will see the Friday evening as our "wedding".

I need help in planning what to wear, and what to expect or request for the legal bit as only my parents and our son will be witnessing it.

Following it, we're going to our wedding venue for a posh afternoon tea together. I don't want to wear a white dress or have him wear a suit but I'm not entirely sure what would be appropriate as I know there will be others who have chosen the registry office as their main ceremony venue so don't want to underdress at all either.

They said I can walk down the aisle, provide some music, etc. but I don't want any of that. But if we don't, how will the ceremony actually pan out? I can just envisage an awkward 20 mins or so. Has anybody else done this?

Thanks for any advice xx

My legal wedding was very simple. I wore a short white lace dress, and he wore the same suit he wore to our religious ceremony a day later. But I know from seeing others at the registry office that anything you liked would be appropriate. If it were me, I'd wear just the thing that made me happiest. Honestly, no one else using the registry office will mind how you dress - I saw a woman in a full-on meringue-style wedding gown, and also a couple in jeans!

We didn't walk anywhere. We just asked for a very simple service, and it was fine. It wasn't awkward. They are used to it. If you talk about what you want, I am sure they will make it work perfectly.

Congratulations!

LawnFever · 09/01/2022 23:59

@toastofthetown

When you say no one will know, I’d still be honest with them that the wedding was the day before. It’s perfectly normal in many countries to do it that way and they’re a nothing wrong with it, but being upfront with everyone makes the most sense to me.

There’s legal wording that you have to say when you get married, that obviously won’t be at your ceremony, and your guests might also question how the registrars are there after hours. I think I could tell quite easily the difference between a blessing and a marriage, but maybe that’s because I’m recently married and wanted a short ceremony.

It’s a surprise, nobody will be expecting anything, calm yourself

The guests equally might think since they’ve been together 10 years it’s a purely symbolic ceremony without having got legally married the day before, but really it’s very very normal for lots of couples to do something similar.

elelel · 09/01/2022 23:59

All the people will know it’s fake claimers have no idea what they are talking about.

We can only go on what OP says, which is that they are getting married the day before and not telling anybody, then having a celebrant the next day - that to me is fake.