Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you stay with your partner if they decided to transition?

775 replies

RedRobyn2021 · 08/01/2022 21:06

I'm watching an episode of Queer Eye where this transwoman's partner said they stayed with them after they decided they wanted to transition and it got me thinking

If your partner decided they wanted to transition would you stay with them?

OP posts:
borntobequiet · 08/01/2022 21:49

@Flapjak

I wondee how many men would stay with there wife of 20 years plus who had her breasts and vulva surgicalky altered, grew a beard and deepened their voice to emulate a male. Probably next to zero whereas aome women seem to wear staying with a transitioning male as a badge of how kind and accepting they are
Good point.
Sittingonabench · 08/01/2022 21:49

I can’t say yes or no but I would like to think that I would support him in accessing support and counselling to get some certainty of how he is feeling and the root of his feelings and why this change was occurring now. I would want him to be happy and content in himself above wanting him to be with me but equally I need to be happy and content so if he did decide to transition it may be that those two things couldn’t coincide with us remaining married but I would hope always closely bonded.

wildseas · 08/01/2022 21:49

Yes.

I'd deduct 20% of their wage, stop 75% of the housework, leave them to do pickups and dropoffs, leave all of the mental load to them, make them in charge of shoe shopping and random dress up days, expect them to find all my random lost things, change all school communication to their contact details, patronizingly explain things to them which they know more about than me. . . .oh and expect them to put my wants above their needs

#livinglikeawoman

PamDenick · 08/01/2022 21:50

No. It won’t ever happen as we’re both Gender Atheists.

And if he ever aligned himself with a political group that thinks the rights of a few middle aged men to wear size 11 Maryjanes trumps the biological reality of the sex based oppression of women and girls around the world I’d think he would have lost all sense of reality…

Owlink · 08/01/2022 21:51

No

tillytoodles1 · 08/01/2022 21:51

No.

Outlyingtrout · 08/01/2022 21:51

Nope. I don't believe in gender ideology and it would require such a fundamental shift in my husband's values for him to suddenly buy into it that we would not be compatible on that basis alone.

StillWeRise · 08/01/2022 21:52

@wildseas

Yes.

I'd deduct 20% of their wage, stop 75% of the housework, leave them to do pickups and dropoffs, leave all of the mental load to them, make them in charge of shoe shopping and random dress up days, expect them to find all my random lost things, change all school communication to their contact details, patronizingly explain things to them which they know more about than me. . . .oh and expect them to put my wants above their needs

#livinglikeawoman

brilliant
elfycat · 08/01/2022 21:52

It's really not going to happen, but no, I wouldn't stay married to 'her'.

But I can see that once divorced I'd help our DDs come to terms with DH's choices and co-parent with them. I'd hope to stay good friends. It's possible that we might even be able to stay in the same house. But marriage and relationship status - no. I'm straight, heterosexual and have only ever been attracted to biological XY males.

ChristinaXYZ · 08/01/2022 21:53

No way.

exexpat · 08/01/2022 21:53

No. And all three people I knew who transitioned while married (two MtF married to women, one FtM married to a man) got divorced during the process, so I suspect that very few would stay.

UltraVividLament · 08/01/2022 21:54

Being bisexual doesn't mean that you would automatically find your (male) partner attractive if they began presenting in an ultra feminine way and then had some or all of the possible gender assignment surgery. I'm bisexual and I severely doubt I would find my partner attractive still if he transitioned. And the ideological issues would be deeply problematic for me too. I might stay in the same house for co parenting reasons as friends but that would be all.

Samanabanana · 08/01/2022 21:54

I'd be heartbroken but no, I wouldn't stay

Theeyeballsinthesky · 08/01/2022 21:54

Nope!! I love DH but if he decided woman was a costume he could put on and that being a woman was just a feeling that he as a man could imitate he would not be the man I married in so many ways

I would be absolutely devasted tbh and I suspect I’d still care about him deeply but there’s no way I’d remain his wife

SymbollocksInteractionism · 08/01/2022 21:55

Absolutely not.
6 foot hairy, muscly female impersonator. I think not

Whitefire · 08/01/2022 21:55

No. If dh suddenly declared he was a woman and always had been I wouldn't believe him. It would be completely contrary to everything I know about him, and either it would be a fetish or he would have been lying for the last 25 years.

Yes, this. Either he would have a massive personality change or he had lied to me (in my case) for 20 years. Why would I hang around with that? In my view he would have a whole different personality.

Scbchl · 08/01/2022 21:55

Nope, I'd stay friends with him but not in a relationship.

RobotValkyrie · 08/01/2022 21:55

I'm bi, and my DH would be one fugly woman (he agrees...)
Love him to bits, but not sure at all I could ever find "her" sexually attractive.

And him coming out at trans would be such a radical change of personality (he's 100% GC), "she" would arguably no longer be the person I married.

Queenoftheashes · 08/01/2022 21:56

@Flapjak

I wondee how many men would stay with there wife of 20 years plus who had her breasts and vulva surgicalky altered, grew a beard and deepened their voice to emulate a male. Probably next to zero whereas aome women seem to wear staying with a transitioning male as a badge of how kind and accepting they are
But men have needs. Women are just there to sacrifice themselves and vacuum.
FindingMeno · 08/01/2022 21:57

No

Alarchbach · 08/01/2022 21:57

Not a chance in hell.

whymewhyme · 08/01/2022 21:57

I watched this episode and i really felt for the gf it just didn't feel geniune. It's probably just me though.

TracyMosby · 08/01/2022 21:57

No. I dont find men thinking they can become women attractive. A married man with children transitioning I would consider selfish and narcissistic. That is not an attractive trait to me.

CherryPieface · 08/01/2022 21:57

I’d hope to stay friends, but that would be all.

MsWalterMitty · 08/01/2022 21:57

@wildseas

Yes.

I'd deduct 20% of their wage, stop 75% of the housework, leave them to do pickups and dropoffs, leave all of the mental load to them, make them in charge of shoe shopping and random dress up days, expect them to find all my random lost things, change all school communication to their contact details, patronizingly explain things to them which they know more about than me. . . .oh and expect them to put my wants above their needs

#livinglikeawoman

Not to mention hello then figure out which tampon is best for your flow. Or how to hold your keys in your hand when walking in the dark. Our which nightclubs to avoid due to groping