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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you stay with your partner if they decided to transition?

775 replies

RedRobyn2021 · 08/01/2022 21:06

I'm watching an episode of Queer Eye where this transwoman's partner said they stayed with them after they decided they wanted to transition and it got me thinking

If your partner decided they wanted to transition would you stay with them?

OP posts:
RedRobyn2021 · 08/01/2022 21:13

@twomumsonebump

That's so beautiful.

My first thought when I was watching it, was that must be true love

Like I love my partner so much but I just don't if I could still be in a romantic relationship myself. Like on the one hand, he's still the same person. But on the other, I just don't know how I would get my head around it

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 08/01/2022 21:13

Without a doubt. She's more to me than just her genitals. I love her heart and soul, and if it came down to losing her or letting her be her true self then I wouldn't even question it.

The vast majority of people who are trans don’t have any surgery to their genitals.

Redwinestillfine · 08/01/2022 21:13

He , would be first to say the same back

SingingWaffleDoggy · 08/01/2022 21:13

No. The relationship would be built on a lie, a deception, at best an omission. And to put it simply I would not find them attractive.
However, I like to think we would remain friends and privately and publicly support them. But then, who knows how I’d actually behave if it actually happened

Pickledlipstick · 08/01/2022 21:13

Hell no. That would be so unattractive to me.

ISpyCobraKai · 08/01/2022 21:13

No.

StillWeRise · 08/01/2022 21:14

of course not, no
I'm straight hence want a partner of the opposite sex
in addition I wouldn't want a partner who was so unhappy with themselves they felt the need to do that
plus, I don't believe in gender, and wouldn't be attracted to someone who believed in gender - I want someone who realises they can choose how to be a man, and understands that not conforming to a stereotype is perfectly OK and doesn't make you a woman

twomumsonebump · 08/01/2022 21:15

@LizzieSiddal

Without a doubt. She's more to me than just her genitals. I love her heart and soul, and if it came down to losing her or letting her be her true self then I wouldn't even question it.

The vast majority of people who are trans don’t have any surgery to their genitals.

Oh I know! I was just going by the 'full transition' idea which I think was the case in the Queer Eye episode mentioned!
RedRobyn2021 · 08/01/2022 21:15

@StillWeRise that's really interesting. I hadn't thought of it like that.

OP posts:
DamnShesaSexyChick · 08/01/2022 21:15

😂 no way

MadMadMadamMim · 08/01/2022 21:15

Not a chance.

Aderyn21 · 08/01/2022 21:16

Fuck no!

I would be really pissed off at being lied to and tbh I don't have the patience for a lot of the self indulgent woe is me crap that often accompanies transitioning.
Plus, it would kill any physical attraction. Which is very important in a marriage.

goodgodlemon · 08/01/2022 21:16

Yes I would stay but it would be a different relationship

SiobhanSharpe · 08/01/2022 21:16

If DH decided he was a trans woman and had gender reassignment surgery he literally would not be the man I married.
So fuck that, I'm attracted to men, not women.
In addition I have read several trans widows' accounts of what has happened WRT their sex lives and it does not make for pleasant reading. To say the least.

Vapeyvapevape · 08/01/2022 21:17

No

HollowTalk · 08/01/2022 21:17

That's so weird. I've just been watching that episode and have been thinking the same thing. At the end of the show everyone was all happy and I thought that the only person who wasn't true to herself was the girlfriend of the TW - she was having to convince herself she was in a same-sex relationship.

I couldn't do it. I could stay great friends and be supportive, but I couldn't say I was gay because my boyfriend said he wanted to be my girlfriend.

SilverHairedCat · 08/01/2022 21:18

Absolutely not.

HollowTalk · 08/01/2022 21:18

I also got really annoyed at the sports aspect. They were all celebrating Angel's strength but yeah, why is Angel so strong?

Greenfields124 · 08/01/2022 21:18

No

Soontobe60 · 08/01/2022 21:19

No. The thing that I believe is vital in any relationship is honesty and shared beliefs.
I do not believe in gender ideology.
It would be just the same as my dh becoming a Christian or a Muslim. They are religious ideologies, and ones that I do not subscribe to.

VodselForDinner · 08/01/2022 21:20

Absolutely not.

Though I would support him in getting some support from trained professionals.

Loveisthere · 08/01/2022 21:20

No sorry but I could not

ParkingDiagram · 08/01/2022 21:20

No. It would be a huge wrench and heartbreaking because I love DH to bits and we’ve been best friends for over 20 years but that would be a fundamental change to our relationship that I couldn’t live with.

I am GC but in no way transphobic.

CharlotteRose90 · 08/01/2022 21:20

Nope not a chance in hell. I want a man not a woman.

Lucked · 08/01/2022 21:20

No. Essential they would have to have been presenting a lie to me for over 20 years. I would feel like I was living with a stranger.

Also not attracted to women or transmen.