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Original poster

Would you stay with your partner if they decided to transition?

775 replies

RedRobyn2021 · 08/01/2022 21:06

I'm watching an episode of Queer Eye where this transwoman's partner said they stayed with them after they decided they wanted to transition and it got me thinking

If your partner decided they wanted to transition would you stay with them?

OP posts:
RedHot22 · 13/01/2022 07:46

@JHawkins

Came across this earlier:

“My wife caught me cross dressing and said we’re finished. So I packed up her clothes and left.”

Grin

Grin
DrSbaitso · 13/01/2022 07:55

@JHawkins

Came across this earlier:

“My wife caught me cross dressing and said we’re finished. So I packed up her clothes and left.”

Grin

"Jeeves, take off my shoes."

"Yes, m'lady."

"Jeeves, take off my dress."

"Yes, m'lady."

"Jeeves, take off my stockings."

"Yes, m'lady."

"Jeeves, take off my garter belt."

"Yes, m'lady."

"Jeeves, take off my bra."

"Yes, m'lady."

"Jeeves, take off my knickers."

"Yes, m'lady."

"Jeeves..."

"Yes, m'lady?"

"Don't you EVER wear my clothes again!"

speakout · 13/01/2022 08:02

I find it strange that TRAs and genderists can simultaneously believe that the attributes and trappings of one's 'gender presentation' are so vital to one's identity and ability to thrive and be one's authentic self, and yet ought to be considered so insignificant by a partner/spouse that transitioning from one gender to the other shouldn't make any difference to how the partner feels about the transitioner

Totally. It matters to them but shouldn't matter to you.

youtown · 13/01/2022 08:07

Absolutely not.

ShowOfHands · 13/01/2022 09:21

To be a good husband and father to a teenage daughter, I need DH to wholeheartedly recognise and work with me to dismantle the insidious consequences of gender ideology. He understands the oppression that comes from our biology, as well as the inevitability of it which at points in my life has caused injury, trauma and pain. He recognises material reality and that womanhood is not a role you adopt or a costume I wear. Same as he knows the toxicity of masculinity and tries to challenge it from within. If he were suddenly transitioning, it would undo years of shared belief and endeavour. He would become somebody who undermined our material reality. And no, of course I couldn't remain in a relationship with him. Not because I would deny a true self or reduce somebody to their genitals, but because I'd have to radically change myself and live a lie were I to accept somebody with a damaging ideology.

speakout · 13/01/2022 09:41

ShowOfHands

Wise words- an accurate and eloquent post. I agree 100%

speakout · 13/01/2022 09:50

No one has yet to why this is any different from deciding to become a person of colour.
I could change my hair and skin to look like a peson of colour but I would never be so.
Because I have never lived that life, been subject to the challenges, carried those historical wounds, living even now in a society that discriminates and undermines those that are not white.
As a white person I can try to understand those challeneges, but I can never live them- I can never actually know.
Same with men- a man can never know what it is like to be a woman, and those that say they " feel" like a woman- how would they even know what that feels like? They are identifying to a fantasy, a cloud of smoke that they think constitutes womanhood.
And they are in a priviliged position to choose now apparently.

PaddleBoardingMomma · 13/01/2022 10:03

@speakout

No one has yet to why this is any different from deciding to become a person of colour. I could change my hair and skin to look like a peson of colour but I would never be so. Because I have never lived that life, been subject to the challenges, carried those historical wounds, living even now in a society that discriminates and undermines those that are not white. As a white person I can try to understand those challeneges, but I can never live them- I can never actually know. Same with men- a man can never know what it is like to be a woman, and those that say they " feel" like a woman- how would they even know what that feels like? They are identifying to a fantasy, a cloud of smoke that they think constitutes womanhood. And they are in a priviliged position to choose now apparently.
ALL OF THIS
PaddleBoardingMomma · 13/01/2022 10:06

@Wiredforsound

No, mine doesn’t know the first thing about being a woman. He’d have to spend weeks waxing to even make a dent in the hairiness and he’d probably call himself something sensible like Margaret instead of the beautiful, ethereal, whimsical names usually chosen. So, if you’re asking me if I’d like to shag a 6 foot, 15 stone, size 12 feet, hairy woman called Margaret, I’d likely say no.
🤣🤣🤣
FooFooFloofyFoof · 13/01/2022 13:37

@speakout

No one has yet to why this is any different from deciding to become a person of colour. I could change my hair and skin to look like a peson of colour but I would never be so. Because I have never lived that life, been subject to the challenges, carried those historical wounds, living even now in a society that discriminates and undermines those that are not white. As a white person I can try to understand those challeneges, but I can never live them- I can never actually know. Same with men- a man can never know what it is like to be a woman, and those that say they " feel" like a woman- how would they even know what that feels like? They are identifying to a fantasy, a cloud of smoke that they think constitutes womanhood. And they are in a priviliged position to choose now apparently.
This 👇🏻
BlondeDogLady · 13/01/2022 13:47

Wiredforsound

No, mine doesn’t know the first thing about being a woman. He’d have to spend weeks waxing to even make a dent in the hairiness and he’d probably call himself something sensible like Margaret instead of the beautiful, ethereal, whimsical names usually chosen. So, if you’re asking me if I’d like to shag a 6 foot, 15 stone, size 12 feet, hairy woman called Margaret, I’d likely say no

Exactly! This made me laugh! My DH is 6ft 3, with a 48 inch chest, super hairy legs and size 13 feet. He walks like Robocop. He'd look worse than a pantomime dame dressed as a woman! Even if he was slender and would make a beautiful woman, the answer would still be No. Because I'm not a lesbian.

BlondeDogLady · 13/01/2022 13:52

And in fact, I couldn't stay friends. The thought of seeing him in a dress and make-up makes me feel sick.

PermanentTemporary · 13/01/2022 13:57

I spent several chunks of my first honeymoon putting makeup on my husband (very boring resort to be fair) so don't find playing with gender roles upsetting or sexually off-putting in itself. But that's because that's what it was - playing. I'm not sure how I would have felt if he'd wanted to wear fake eyelashes and Heather Shimmer every day because it proved he was a woman.

WandaWomblesaurus73 · 13/01/2022 14:10

@speakout

No one has yet to why this is any different from deciding to become a person of colour. I could change my hair and skin to look like a peson of colour but I would never be so. Because I have never lived that life, been subject to the challenges, carried those historical wounds, living even now in a society that discriminates and undermines those that are not white. As a white person I can try to understand those challeneges, but I can never live them- I can never actually know. Same with men- a man can never know what it is like to be a woman, and those that say they " feel" like a woman- how would they even know what that feels like? They are identifying to a fantasy, a cloud of smoke that they think constitutes womanhood. And they are in a priviliged position to choose now apparently.
No one ever has an answer to this. They just say "it's different!" How is it different? How does a man have the remotest clue what being a woman is like? It's all in their imagination.

What is gender? Hair, clothes, makeup, elective surgery and hormones, a new name.

How is it different from anorexia or body dysmorphia?

WandaWomblesaurus73 · 13/01/2022 14:11

@speakout

No one has yet to why this is any different from deciding to become a person of colour. I could change my hair and skin to look like a peson of colour but I would never be so. Because I have never lived that life, been subject to the challenges, carried those historical wounds, living even now in a society that discriminates and undermines those that are not white. As a white person I can try to understand those challeneges, but I can never live them- I can never actually know. Same with men- a man can never know what it is like to be a woman, and those that say they " feel" like a woman- how would they even know what that feels like? They are identifying to a fantasy, a cloud of smoke that they think constitutes womanhood. And they are in a priviliged position to choose now apparently.
They are also telling women how to be feminists (hint - include men as women.)
MangoBiscuit · 13/01/2022 14:21

Hmm, my knee jerk reaction is a no. But thinking about it more, I think that's because it would feel like a betrayal. Because we've discussed gender identity, amongst many other things. DP is male, and identifies as such. For him to suddenly announce a transistion, it would have to come completely out of the blue. We are very close and talk a lot, so I would feel like he had been hiding this from me, and i would struggle with that.

I'm trying to imagine a scenario where I was aware that he was questionning his gender identity for a while, before anything actually changed. We would probably have spoken in depth, and I'd have very much been a part of the process. I think without the sense of betrayal, I would be ok with it. I love him very much for who he is, not what he is. That said, if he started to declare himself female, and starting talking about his girl dick, I think we might have other issues.

Enough4me · 13/01/2022 14:27

It's interesting as ethnicity isn't binary and it's possible to have mixed heritage. Even so, a person with no black heritage cannot ID as black even if they could visually "pass" as black and/or say they "feel" black.

Men, on the other hand, can say they feel and therefore pass as women, so we must all acknowledge them as women. Such a weird world!

Giggorata · 13/01/2022 14:51

No. He could never become a woman, and all the dressing up and posturing would be delusional. And very annoying.

caringcarer · 13/01/2022 15:55

No, my marriage contract was to a man. I would hope to stay friends if they transitioned. My dh is my best friend.

Hayisforhorse · 13/01/2022 16:11

I've wondered this before (thought experiment, not because DH shows any signs). I am mildly attracted to women, but more so men. However I cannot imagine DH as a woman. Lovely though he is, I am not sure I would be attracted to him. He's well over six foot and very masculine looking.

I've always been strongly attracted to tall, dark, strong, strong jawed, stubbly men (like DH). I've dated a few of the baby-faced blonde floppy haired type men and for some reason I don't remain attracted to them for more than a few weeks, however wonderful their personality is. Conversely the women I'm attracted to are always pretty, English rose types. So a transitioned DH wouldn't be my kind of woman at all.

I wouldn't write it off immediately, as I love him, and I can't predict how I'd react, but I don't have high hopes that I'd be attracted to him as a woman. Hopefully we could stay friends and co-parent harmoniously.

underthelights · 13/01/2022 16:15

No

PinkSyCo · 13/01/2022 16:31

No chance.

Enough4me · 14/01/2022 01:12

Is anyone counting?
It looks high, over 95% I'd guestimate.

AuntTwacky · 14/01/2022 01:13

No way

Kanaloa · 14/01/2022 02:57

@speakout

No one has yet to why this is any different from deciding to become a person of colour. I could change my hair and skin to look like a peson of colour but I would never be so. Because I have never lived that life, been subject to the challenges, carried those historical wounds, living even now in a society that discriminates and undermines those that are not white. As a white person I can try to understand those challeneges, but I can never live them- I can never actually know. Same with men- a man can never know what it is like to be a woman, and those that say they " feel" like a woman- how would they even know what that feels like? They are identifying to a fantasy, a cloud of smoke that they think constitutes womanhood. And they are in a priviliged position to choose now apparently.
This is nothing like choosing to be a person of colour etc but I saw an absolutely awful programme a few weeks ago about people who basically have sort of trans disabled?

So the people in the show, one of them felt she should have been blind, one felt he should be in a wheelchair, and the blind lady had poured some sort of substance in her eyes to blind herself and now was a blind person.

It was just awful and horrible. But is it so different from deciding to surgically remove your penis? I suppose the obvious answer is it’s much more extreme but if you know that you’re a woman and you feel it inside and need others to validate that isn’t it the same delusional disconnect on a smaller scale?