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Original poster

Would you stay with your partner if they decided to transition?

775 replies

RedRobyn2021 · 08/01/2022 21:06

I'm watching an episode of Queer Eye where this transwoman's partner said they stayed with them after they decided they wanted to transition and it got me thinking

If your partner decided they wanted to transition would you stay with them?

OP posts:
Dinosauratemydaffodils · 08/01/2022 21:21

Nope. If we'd had that conversation at the start, maybe but 20 odd years into the relationship, it's a definite no.

Had a similar conversation in a loose friendship group (from university) and got called shallow because certain (male) members of the group couldn't wrap their head around the idea that a bisexual woman may not find everyone attractive sexually.

Lucked · 08/01/2022 21:21

Sorry I made a mistake - I am not attracted to women or transwomen.

titchy · 08/01/2022 21:21

No and I don't understand a transitioned partner or transitioned who would want to stay.

Staying effectively means the non-transitioned partner doesn't recognise the new gender, and how could a transitioned partner stay with someone who doesn't recognise their new gender.

merrygoround23 · 08/01/2022 21:22

I dunno, I love my DH so much I couldn't be without him, but then if he became she and a whole new person, I might not love that person the same

I'd definitely try, but I doubt I would love him the same and sex might be an issue because I'm not attracted to women.

sunnyzweibrucken · 08/01/2022 21:24

If I was with the love of my life I would try but I don’t think I could do it

Flapjak · 08/01/2022 21:24

I wondee how many men would stay with there wife of 20 years plus who had her breasts and vulva surgicalky altered, grew a beard and deepened their voice to emulate a male. Probably next to zero whereas aome women seem to wear staying with a transitioning male as a badge of how kind and accepting they are

SirVixofVixHall · 08/01/2022 21:24

No.

Shoxfordian · 08/01/2022 21:26

I would because I love who he is and I wouldn’t be without him

lhirault · 08/01/2022 21:27

No. It would be a complete turn off.

pradavilla · 08/01/2022 21:27

I don't think I could.

DialSquare · 08/01/2022 21:27

Definitely not.

NothingTraLaLa · 08/01/2022 21:27

Nope - it’s important for me that my marriage is based on truth and reality.

IncessantNameChanger · 08/01/2022 21:28

No. I wouldnt be sexually attracted to any woman. I'm not a lesbian.
Friends maybe but partner, no. That doesnt make me trans phobic. I just know my own sexuality.

tricksyt · 08/01/2022 21:28

@PurplePikachu

Nope. And yes of course he’s more than just his genitalia ffs.

But if he wanted to present as a woman, that would not be attractive to me, and if he wanted to identify as a woman and intrude on women’s spaces that would be so fundamental a difference of beliefs that we would no longer be compatible.

This.
thenewduchessoflapland · 08/01/2022 21:28

Interesting question

However I think in our hearts a lot of us would see signs that our partner wasn't happy with the gender they were born as so it probably wouldn't come completely out of the blue.

I say for a lot of us;some people might not pick up on certain signs or chose ignorance as it's easier.

I think until any of us are truly in that scenario none of us could actually say what we would do;some might say they'd leave their partner but might actually not if it happened to them or others would say they would stay but end up leaving.

DisforDarkChocolate · 08/01/2022 21:28

Nope.

Pyewhacket · 08/01/2022 21:29

No

BurbageBrook · 08/01/2022 21:29

No. I like my man as a man. If he became a woman that would quite literally be a dealbreaker.

Queenoftheashes · 08/01/2022 21:29

No he’d make an absolutely hideous woman

Icanflyhigh · 08/01/2022 21:30

I'd try. I love my husband, and I love him for his heart and his soul and the person he is. Essentially that person wouldn't change, just the packaging it came in. Without a doubt the dynamic would change, but I'd tey because I love him.

user5656555 · 08/01/2022 21:32

No. Not because I'm straight because he'd still have a penis and would be a man (I assume, it never seems to be about surgery anymore) but he wouldn't be the man I married.

CrossStichQueen · 08/01/2022 21:33

I think until any of us are truly in that scenario none of us could actually say what we would do

Nope I can assure you if my DH announced he was a transwoman that would be the end of our marriage. If possible I would like to have some form of friendship but there would be very clear boundaries set on that friendship.

DoctorManhattan · 08/01/2022 21:33

Guy in my work transitioned to female 3yrs ago and still with his wife. Not quite sure how that works for them both but each to their own

KohlaParasaurus · 08/01/2022 21:33

No, I'd be like, "Who are you and what have you done with my husband?" I think I'd be repulsed in a way I wouldn't be if a random male friend decided to transition.

WonderfulYou · 08/01/2022 21:36

Without a doubt. She's more to me than just her genitals. I love her heart and soul, and if it came down to losing her or letting her be her true self then I wouldn't even question it.

I agree.

If I lost my sight or my partner had an accident that disfigured him, I wouldn’t automatically break up with them ‘as they’re not the person I got with’.
Same as with my child.

I would of course try. Love is love.

However, sometimes when people transition their true personality comes out and this can be pretty different so like any relationship I wouldn’t stay with them if I weren’t happy.