Neighbour - should I report anything? Am I overreacting?

[Axolottie]

Our neighbour lives alone and is in her eighties. Her husband died just over a year ago. I would say both of them have/had dementia.

We used to hear the arguing through the wall every day. Always the husband shouting at her, and her pleading for him to stop.
She spoke to me once about protecting herself from him.
He died suddenly. I’ve always kept an eye out for details if a funeral - but there hasn’t been one, and she said to me a couple of months ago that she was having a lot of problems with the coroner.

My initial thought (and perhaps irrational thought) when he suddenly died was that - perhaps she did something??
Should I say anything to anyone or just butt out?
Another concern I have is that she told my partner she has a gun. She showed it to him, and it’s only an air pistol. She said she was going to shoot foxes with it - the issue is that she thinks there are foxes under a small bush in our front garden (there aren’t!). I have 2 children and - again maybe irrational - but what if she decided to shoot at an imaginary fox when we are out the front??
Partner thinks I’m overreacting??

If there were concerns, the police would have been in touch with you -as NDN especially as it appeared he died in the home. So I personally would not get involved.

Re the air pistol, I would report that (assume you are in England). No licence required only in specific circumstances BUT I agree it’s a worry. Might not do a lot, if any damage, but still a worry given your concerns with dementia.

My mum died at home a few years ago.
We had a coroner involved and her death registration doesn't appear in online searches (no idea why) despite the death being signed off and us having the certificate.

Sadly op I expect there have been so many deaths over the last 18 months that coroners are overwhelmed. It's not unusual for older people to still need a coroners enquiry despite old age, for instance if they were recently treated by a doctor. Stay out of it.

if it’s taken over 6 months (12 months as still no inquest listed) - there must be something that is not straightforward about it all?

And? How is this a focus for you? Are you not trusting that the ME can pick up what they need to and things will be investigated if necessary? If there is an investigation, do you think the people involved are particularly stupid or bad at their job and need you to direct them/help out/give your words of wisdom/crackpot theories?

Why would there be an inquest? My Dad died of natural causes and there wasn’t an inquest or autopsy. He was already ill for years before he died. Maybe this is the same for this lady. Maybe she chose not to go to the funeral. I think I would be more concerned for her well-being if she has dementia and access to guns rather than anything else. Poor lady.

@maudmoon so why are coroners inquests and death registrations available to the public if it’s confidential?

Also there is no requirement to have a funeral.

@HoppingPavlova

if it’s taken over 6 months (12 months as still no inquest listed) - there must be something that is not straightforward about it all?

And? How is this a focus for you? Are you not trusting that the ME can pick up what they need to and things will be investigated if necessary? If there is an investigation, do you think the people involved are particularly stupid or bad at their job and need you to direct them/help out/give your words of wisdom/crackpot theories?

Sounds like she thinks they are and Mrs Busybody is the modern day Mrs Marlple.

@HoppingPavlova

So by that reasoning I should also have ignored the potential domestic violence I heard through the walls and dismissed it as just another of my ‘crackpot theories’.

I don’t think the OP states anywhere that she wants to call the authorities to accuse her of murder. She’s just curious if the delay in investigating the death is suspicious.

On the issue of your children. I think if you see her with an air gun in garden or her walking about with it then I’d report concerns then to authorities.

Whereas others are telling me here that I was very wrong not to have reported it.

@Axolottie

I do feel very bad about not reporting the domestic violence. I was going to at the time, but was told I was overreacting/don’t get involved. Again here - I’m asking if I should report my concerns over someone’s death. Again I’m told I’m ridiculous and overreacting.

Because you are! You have no evidence to back up your concerns.

Have you ever rowed with your husband? Does that mean he’s at risk of being killed by you…?

I’m actually astonished at what I’m reading!

[quote Axolottie]@AlDanvers my fathers death was also sudden and involved a coroner. I can remember my mum having a feeling of needing to explain herself, and the circumstances surrounding - but it was resolved in about 2 weeks?

6 months after his death and ‘having problems with the coroner’ just sounds to me like something isn’t straightforward. In our area all coroner inquests are listed, and there is still nothing there - for the remainder of this year - and well into next year,

If it wasn’t in the public’s interest, coroners inquests wouldn't be listed? It would be kept private.[/quote]
The fact that your mum, felt the need to explain herself is irrelevant.

Again, my mum was a sudden death and their is no inquest happening. As in non. Not needed not happening.

If its not straight forward, it's not. Its not your business. If the coroner felt there's something suspicious, the police would have already spoken to you during their enquires.

Not sure how I can be clear......a sudden death doesn't always have an inquest.

The fact that you keep looking this up suggests some sort of obsession or extreme nosiness.

You think she was abused. Didn't do anything now think the coroner won't be a le to their job without you having a word with them. Its really odd behaviour on your part

@MimiDaisy11

Exactly - I’m not accusing her of murder, I just think it’s concerning. She could potentially have been protecting herself from him.

You need to contact your local authority and report to them via adult services. They will then look into this and contact other main services including police, ambulance etc

[quote Axolottie]@MimiDaisy11

Exactly - I’m not accusing her of murder, I just think it’s concerning. She could potentially have been protecting herself from him.[/quote]
And no one, not a single person, spotted an injury on his body so they need your guidance?

I don’t think the OP states anywhere that she wants to call the authorities to accuse her of murder. She’s just curious if the delay in investigating the death is suspicious.

She wants a chat with the coroner.

She isn't curious. Its actually non of her business. It's nosiness.

Sounds pike she has a real issue with this woman and just wants to cause more problems, because she has made a load of shit up.

[quote Axolottie]@HoppingPavlova

So by that reasoning I should also have ignored the potential domestic violence I heard through the walls and dismissed it as just another of my ‘crackpot theories’.[/quote]
Actual arguments and a woman asking you for help is different than things you make up as dramatic stories. If you aren't clear on why they are different then that's even more concerning. Can you consider some counselling to help you figure out different responses depending on when things are real from when you've made up a story in your head?

If you’re concerned about her mental health you could contact adult social services.
If you’re concerned about her threat to shoot foxes on your land, you have every right to report that on the non-emergency number. I would if I were you, I’d also tell them your concern over her mental health and the fact that she said there was another gun/air pistol in the house.
Hopefully they will take them off her.

The coroners findings are not any of your business. If the coroner suspected foul play, they would have alerted the police. He left in an ambulance, they aren't just going to tip the body out in the middle of nowhere. This is nothing to do with you. You were happy to listen to domestic abuse and do nothing, don't come at her now he's dead. Leave her alone and him to rest in peace.

As your concerns are genuine - do whatever you think is right - contact coroner and/or police. Hopefully that will set your mind at rest.

[quote Axolottie]@HoppingPavlova

So by that reasoning I should also have ignored the potential domestic violence I heard through the walls and dismissed it as just another of my ‘crackpot theories’.[/quote]
You DID ignore the domestic violence.