Neighbour - should I report anything? Am I overreacting?

[Axolottie]

Our neighbour lives alone and is in her eighties. Her husband died just over a year ago. I would say both of them have/had dementia.

We used to hear the arguing through the wall every day. Always the husband shouting at her, and her pleading for him to stop.
She spoke to me once about protecting herself from him.
He died suddenly. I’ve always kept an eye out for details if a funeral - but there hasn’t been one, and she said to me a couple of months ago that she was having a lot of problems with the coroner.

My initial thought (and perhaps irrational thought) when he suddenly died was that - perhaps she did something??
Should I say anything to anyone or just butt out?
Another concern I have is that she told my partner she has a gun. She showed it to him, and it’s only an air pistol. She said she was going to shoot foxes with it - the issue is that she thinks there are foxes under a small bush in our front garden (there aren’t!). I have 2 children and - again maybe irrational - but what if she decided to shoot at an imaginary fox when we are out the front??
Partner thinks I’m overreacting??

Fortunately - I had a couple of great messages here by informed people, and a lovely private message.

I would love to know who the posters were that sent DMs to tell you contacting the coroner, to try and tip them off that a bereaved, elderly, possibly ill abuse victim possibly killed her husband based on him being alive 2 days before and that you can't get access to all the details, was a good idea

Also would live to know, exactly how they are more Informed? What qualifications did they have, that made the above seem entirely normal?

OP that's a standard automated response acknowledging your email!

@Axolottie

Sorry - no. I was not happy at all about listening to domestic violence. That’s a disgusting thing to say. I spoke to her about it and told her to come round to me. I spoke to her quite regularly on the phone and always tried to offer support, I frequently asked others if I should report and was told not to get involved.

Just reached this point in the thread and my frustration has reached boiling point. Why couldn't you bloody well think for yourself? You were the one hearing it, not "others". Why didn't you just call someone? Why couldn't you just do the right thing and protect her? You are pathetic. And now all this nonsense to salve your conscience. Sickening.

If your interpretation of the situation is that my motivation is likely to be for negative reasons - to cause harm, for gossip, to ‘get rid’ of my neighbour - then I think you need to give your head a wobble.

No, I don’t need to give my head a wobble and no I don’t think any of what you have written. If anything I now think you have gone over the boundary of normal mental health parameters and need assistance at this point. Or, just look at your bog standard auto reply every day and feel justified as you twitch your curtain.

This thread is just the gift that keeps on giving! Where did you get that information about air rifles from OP? It's hilarious. And complete bullshit!

Also your neighbours garden isn't public land. You do know that don't you?

I offered her support and told her to come to my house if she was scared. Had she done this, I think at that point I would have called the police.

You said she did call and said she wa scared. You didn't call the police. So what are you now saying you probably would have. You definitely didn't. There's more 'probably' about it. You didn't do anything.

It was probably about a month after she told me she was scared - that he died.

I have no clue why the time space between her saying she was scared and him dying is relevant.

@Axolottie

Thee has been no funeral, and the death hasn’t been registered. He died in December 2020 - and when she spoke to me in August 2021 she said she was having a lot of problems with the coroner.

Perhaps she simply believes she hasn't had the funeral yet?

My grandma suffered dementia and would often forget things , and even make up stories of going on a boat to africa - of course that never happened - but perhaps this is a similar case

This thread is turning quite nasty. Considering people are questioning OP's mental health here, some are not being very nice to someone who may be struggling right now.

@TheChip

This thread is turning quite nasty. Considering people are questioning OP's mental health here, some are not being very nice to someone who may be struggling right now.

The OP ignored all the advice given on this thread and was determined that she’s right. She’s has now interfered in something that has nothing to do with her. She ignored the neighbour when she needed help and now her husband has passed away, has convinced herself the neighbour has something to do with it and has gone as far as contacting the coroner. It is OP’s behaviour that’s nasty I’m afraid.

People aren't being nasty to the OP. They are trying their best to point out how malicious her own behavior is. Unfortunately, 'nice' comments are not getting through to her.

The OP seems to be misintreting any comment that is more polite as agreement with her deluded view.

Doesn't seem that any kind of comment is getting through to her anyway. She's intent on proceeding with her unfounded conspiracy theory and causing more trouble for this poor elderly lady. Instead of just butting out like she did by not calling the police when that poor woman needed help when she was being abused. Now she'd like to butt in when there isn't even an issue. This is very twisted behavior.

After a pretty basic search, I've found the source of OP's 'rules' from the BASC website. They omitted to mention the following from their post though....

Is your surname Marple.
The police will be astounded when you reveal the killer, in dramatic fashion, of course.
This is a case that has been puzzling them for months.

@Sideswiped

After a pretty basic search, I've found the source of OP's 'rules' from the BASC website. They omitted to mention the following from their post though....

Typical - pick and choose what suits her.

Typical - pick and choose what suits her.

Well, I think we knew that already.

Report possible domestic abuse perpetrated against vulnerable elderly person. NAH. TOO MUCH BOVVER.

Try to initiate multi-agency investigation based on outlandish-verging-on-batshit-suspicions about vulnerable elderly person. HELL YEAH. BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY.

@Butchyrestingface

Typical - pick and choose what suits her.

Well, I think we knew that already.

Report possible domestic abuse perpetrated against vulnerable elderly person. NAH. TOO MUCH BOVVER.

Try to initiate multi-agency investigation based on outlandish-verging-on-batshit-suspicions about vulnerable elderly person. HELL YEAH. BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY.

Pretty much sums it up!

And just to add, BASC is a very level-headed and well-respected organisation (which my DF was a member of and so was I when I was shooting my .22 pistol).
To use their material to promote wild accusations is a bit much.

@Hopingforabagofbuttons

We used to hear the arguing through the wall every day. Always the husband shouting at her, and her pleading for him to stop.

So what did you do, did you call the police, worried that an elderly woman in her eighties was being abused. Or , did you wait until his death and try and get her into trouble or at least bring her to the attention of the authorities. Even if she had done something, which I very highly doubt, don’t you think she has suffered enough.
You sound obsessive, like really.

It's got to be this like 500 times hasn't it?

I mean WTF?

The Coroner can investigate a death on the papers without listing an inquest hearing at court. So the fact OP couldn't find an inquest listed on their website is meaningless.

The Coroner's office will readily share the Coroner's conclusion (previously known as a verdict) with members of the public. It is usually a few paragraphs setting out how the deceased came about his death. I can quite believe they emailed OP this information by return.

Interesting that OP hasn't shared the coroner's conclusion on here. I highly suspect it is very dull and concludes that elderly neighbour had a number of medical conditions one of which resulted in his death. Bet there's no mention of his wife shooting him..!

Concerns about an elderly neighbour with suspected dementia and a gun are understandable. But the appropriate solution would be to call the non-emergency police. Not to waste time researching inquests and death certificates. Honestly, that's just barmy behaviour!