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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Utterly, utterly, heartbroken

1000 replies

colouringindoors · 07/01/2022 16:22

I know I'm not the first and won't be the last. It's nothing new.

But I honestly don't know how I can bear this Sad

This morning my relationship ended. We'd only been "together" for six months, friends for 3 years, I've "liked" him for over 3 years. It has been wonderful. I could talk about anything and everything with him. He made me laugh, he's kind, we had lots in common and omg the chemistry was incredible. I really thought he was the person I'd spend the rest of my life with.

This came after separating from my husband of 20+ years 4 years ago and a huge amount of trauma due to ex's severe mental illness, ds severely ill, dd diagnosed ASD. The last 10 years have been horrendous apart from meeting new man, getting to know him and becoming involved with him.

I feel worse than I did when I separated from my husband. I've been unable to stop crying all day. I literally don't know what to do with myself.

How do I bear this?!

OP posts:
Original poster
colouringindoors · 11/01/2022 20:19

He was with her for over 25 years. She initiated the split. I'm pretty sure he's not over her or the trauma of separation. It's nothing exciting. Just really sad and a big shame.

I was right about this. Plus some self esteem issues. I suggested he seek counselling Grin

I know no contact is generally the best approach, but for me, this call was helpful.

Now I am going to do everything in my power to follow AlbertBridges advice and go no contact for at least 8 weeks. 💪💪💪

I usually saw him on a Thursday so I've decided to restart a hobby on that day again.

I sobbed a little less today too. 🌱

OP posts:
scorpiogirly · 11/01/2022 20:35

Aw that's good. I am glad it didn't make you feel worse. Mine was an arse when I contacted him so it did make me feel worse, but better in a way too.

I am on day 5 of NC. Aiming for 8 weeks also. I am sure by that point I'll be over it.

Original poster
colouringindoors · 11/01/2022 20:43

Thank you x well done on day 5, that's a really good start. Were you with him long?

OP posts:
scorpiogirly · 11/01/2022 20:46

No, started talking beginning of July then got together beginning of September. Not long at all but I've found it very difficult for some reason. We'll get through it though, it's the only option x

Original poster
colouringindoors · 11/01/2022 21:14

Length of time is not always significant x

I'm watching Hope Floats. And Harry Connick Jr has just turned up like someone upthread predicted for me Grin

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Original poster
colouringindoors · 11/01/2022 21:15

I am soooooo tired.

OP posts:
scorpiogirly · 11/01/2022 21:20

I'm watching a show where American women travel around the world to go on dates and find love. Probably not the best idea at the moment Grin

Original poster
colouringindoors · 11/01/2022 21:23

omg that sounds mental Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
colouringindoors · 11/01/2022 21:58

I miss him so much. I loved being held by him. He is the best at hugs. When he held me everything was ok. He made me feel attractive for the first time in 10, maybe 15 years and I’ll always be grateful for that.

OP posts:
scorpiogirly · 11/01/2022 22:06

I know. It's awful. Having a crappy night also. I think some NC will help you. You seem like a lovely lady and he clearly lost a good thing. It will get easier. Mine was the fiest person I was remotely interested in and intimate with since the breakdown of my relationship with my daughter's father 3.5 years ago. I think that makes it harder also and is probably the case for you.

Original poster
colouringindoors · 11/01/2022 22:14

Ah sorry to hear that. Yes like you, he was the first person i had feelings for apart from ex, married late 90s. Only other person I've dtd with. And bloody hell it was Soooooooo much better than my ex Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
colouringindoors · 11/01/2022 22:15

yep separated 4 yrs ago

OP posts:
scorpiogirly · 11/01/2022 22:43

I know how you feel. I feel like texting and saying this is crazy and asking to sort it. I go from angry to sad all the time. Thinking over everything that was said.

Original poster
colouringindoors · 11/01/2022 22:54

It's soooooo hard not to keep going through it in your mind. I'm so tempted to message him now - It's that time we would message. But even if he does change his mind I'm not sure i want another man with a messed up head. But the attention, care, desire, touch, affection... god i miss that

OP posts:
scorpiogirly · 11/01/2022 22:57

We'll make a pact that we both do not message. No good can come of it. At least let's get to the 8 weeks, by then I doubt we'll want to message and undo all the hard work. I have a mutual friend with him which kinds makes it harder as they see each other once a week. Cannot believe how it has turned out!

scorpiogirly · 11/01/2022 23:03

I keep reading and watching help videos and it's the same thing over and over, if a man wants to be with you, he will do whatever it takes to make it happen, or if he loves you you would be together. It helps in a way to see it in those simple terms but it bloody hurts too.

Original poster
colouringindoors · 11/01/2022 23:08

yeah it Really does.

Theyre fkn idiots not to be banging the door down. And mine said he never thought he'd feel like he did with me again 🙄. There MUST be someone better for us out there 🙏🙏🙏

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Original poster
colouringindoors · 11/01/2022 23:11

8 weeks is like, the end Feb. Bloody hell.

OP posts:
scorpiogirly · 11/01/2022 23:13

Yup. Mine told me he had never felt like this about anyone and the day before he dumped me told me I was the love of his life. What a joke! I hope so. I like to believe that everything happens for a reason, but if that's the case I have no idea why I met him because I can take nothing from this. It's just been a lot of drama and a waste of time.

scorpiogirly · 11/01/2022 23:14

@colouringindoors

8 weeks is like, the end Feb. Bloody hell.
It will soon fly. I usually find after a breakup I am counting the days and time goes so slow but this time is different.
Original poster
colouringindoors · 11/01/2022 23:18

Mine told me he had never felt like this about anyone and the day before he dumped me told me I was the love of his life.

What a shit! I am Angry for you x

I am currently counting the hours so hopefully that'll shift soon. ok. must sleep. lovely to chat x

OP posts:
scorpiogirly · 11/01/2022 23:20

Thank you. Hope you manage to get a decent night's sleep and have a better today tomorrow. X

fedup078 · 12/01/2022 06:16

@scorpiogirly yep mine had been banging on about getting married, it was a total bolt out of the blue
I now know from mn that I had been love bombed , future faked and ghosted
He got engaged to someone else from our office the same year
Luckily he doesn't work there anymore

Bangheadhere40 · 12/01/2022 07:25

I don't understand how it's so easy for these men just to switch off 😕 promise the world then vanish. It's hard for us as our feelings were genuine and so we assume theirs are too. We don't just go around saying things we don't mean.

Tossers.

Original poster
colouringindoors · 12/01/2022 08:14

He hasn't switched off. If he was that kind of guy who I could call a tosser it would be easier But it's much less exciting and much more sad than that.

The frost and sunrise this morning are the same as last Thursday when we started The Conversation, my heart feels like it's breaking all over again.

OP posts:
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