Utterly, utterly, heartbroken

[colouringindoors]

I know I'm not the first and won't be the last. It's nothing new.

But I honestly don't know how I can bear this

This morning my relationship ended. We'd only been "together" for six months, friends for 3 years, I've "liked" him for over 3 years. It has been wonderful. I could talk about anything and everything with him. He made me laugh, he's kind, we had lots in common and omg the chemistry was incredible. I really thought he was the person I'd spend the rest of my life with.

This came after separating from my husband of 20+ years 4 years ago and a huge amount of trauma due to ex's severe mental illness, ds severely ill, dd diagnosed ASD. The last 10 years have been horrendous apart from meeting new man, getting to know him and becoming involved with him.

I feel worse than I did when I separated from my husband. I've been unable to stop crying all day. I literally don't know what to do with myself.

How do I bear this?!

Oh wow AlbertBridge that's really helpful, genuinely, she writes sobbing.

I went for a walk and when i came back there was a car like his outside my house but my heart didn't jump in hope. Progress?!

In the unlikely event that he does realise I'm irreplaceable after 8 weeks, I'm not certain I'd take him back. His head is way more of a mess than even I realised and I'm pretty good at spotting messed up heads.

I'm going round to a friends for dinner this eve with kids. Tomorrow taking dd to cinema in eve. Wed pm have booked massage. Please God by end Wed I'll be feeling slightly less horrific.

Can't tell you how much I appreciate everyone's kind words x

I have saved this

duvethugger thank you x Twice! fkn hell that's tough 💪

Your plans sound great OP- keep as busy as you can, if only so it makes the days pass more quickly. You will feel stronger every day

I think what people often fail to realise is that a broken heart to this extent is literally like a physical illness. I've been through it 3 times; once when I was only a teenager (my Mum told me years later she thought I had an eating disorder because I lost so much weight) once in my mid 20s and once later in life. My whole body would ache, I had the shakes, my head hurt, my eyes hurt. Food tasted like cardboard. It really is absolutely unbearable and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. As you say it's not just about the person but a whole future that's turned into a washed out dream. Be nice to yourself OP time does make it better x

Oh and the nightmares!!

@AndItDoesntSeemToMatter
I couldn't agree more
You see a lot of people on mn make comments like 'you were only with him a year, get over it!' And so on
But all relationships are different and you can't help how you feel
And it does cause physical pain in my experience
Also I barely ate for a year. Not purposely . My body just wasn't showing signs of hunger. Like my stomach never rumbled. I just wasn't hungry
And then you get the insomnia too
Eugh no I don't ever want to risk feeling like that again now that I'm on a even keel

[quote fedup078]@AndItDoesntSeemToMatter
I couldn't agree more
You see a lot of people on mn make comments like 'you were only with him a year, get over it!' And so on
But all relationships are different and you can't help how you feel
And it does cause physical pain in my experience
Also I barely ate for a year. Not purposely . My body just wasn't showing signs of hunger. Like my stomach never rumbled. I just wasn't hungry
And then you get the insomnia too
Eugh no I don't ever want to risk feeling like that again now that I'm on a even keel [/quote]
Agreed, I'm in a bit of a better and more stable place now but can't see me entering another relationship again. It's just not worth the risk.

You poor thing. 6 months is a hard time to break up with someone as its long enough to think it might be a good thing but too short to see that they are giant PITA. Particularly hard after a long marriage going tits up. I suppose you just keep telling yourself you're fabulous and he's a fucking idiot until you believe it.

Watching some crappy childhood fairy.

This one stands out re Impossible relationships

I've been watching some of these videos today. They're really good, I like the way she comes across. She seems really caring and soothing.

There are podcasts on baggage reclaim website too. I haven't listened to any yet but they may be of help too. They're good to fall asleep to.

@AlbertBridge

oh god the urge to message him is overwhelming

Don't you dare! 😆

He needs to FEEL the loss of you. It'll either kill him but he'll get over it or it'll kill him and he'll realise you're irreplaceable. It'll take 8 weeks of TOTAL no contact for him to completely process his emotions. He could well discover he can't live without you. Don't spoil his concentration!

Nothing you say or text could ever be as sexy, alluring, mysterious or likely to get in his head as your total absence.

As Beyoncé said, "Now you're gonna learn what it really feels like to miss me."

Total silence. Delete his number. Or rename it, "IGNORE THIS OR ALBERTBRIDGE OFF MN WILL COME ROUND AND SLAP ME."

This is so wise

I'm really struggling tonight with not knowing why exactly. Why? I was in shock after he told me I think as I didn't ask why. I don't understand.

@colouringindoors

I'm really struggling tonight with not knowing why exactly. Why? I was in shock after he told me I think as I didn't ask why. I don't understand.

You know why . You said he wasn't totally over his ex. You are in the phase when you want ANY contact with him even if it is toxic . Don;t do it to yourself.

Try not to over analyse it at the moment. There will be time for that in the future when you're feeling stronger. At the moment you're exhausted, emotional and at your lowest ebb. Eat something (even if it's just a biscuit/toast), drink tea, have a shower and climb into bed. Choose a sleep meditation on YouTube and see if you can drift off. Listening to something will stop your mind over thinking in the dark.

i'm going round to a friends for dinner this eve with kids. Tomorrow taking dd to cinema in eve. Wed pm have booked massage. Please God by end Wed I'll be feeling slightly less horrific.

Can we please have a moment's silence in respect for the way you are handling this situation?! 🤩 I'm in awe! You are doing EVERYTHING right. Every single thing.

He is SUCH a twat for letting someone in your league slip through his commitmentphobic fingers. He'll regret this.

We need to put together your playlist of OH FUCK YOU, YOU BELLEND music, and films where amazing women rise from the ashes of breakups. Honestly, your ancestors are cheering you on right now. You might feel like a weak, snot-drizzled mess, but we all see an unbreakable, resilient woman making plans, purging the pain, and being the true definition of a survivor.

I'm really struggling tonight with not knowing why exactly. Why? I was in shock after he told me I think as I didn't ask why. I don't understand.

When I don't know the answer to something like this, I make up my own reason. (Something flattering to me.) There's no point trying to get the reason, because you NEVER do. People don't know why they do stuff. It'll be something to do with his childhood. So I invent my own reasons.

For example, he was visited by an angel in a dream that told him to dump me. This is because God has huge plans for me, that were unfortunately incompatible with wet-nursing this twunt. As a thank-you for cutting me loose, the angel will give him a second go with his ex. He'll shag her, but he'll think of me the whole time, and he'll cry. Meanwhile, I'll be off living in a Malibu mansion, engaged to Robert Downey Junior. This all happens in 2025. So I just need to get through till then.

im sorry im being so pathetic. i cant stop crying again. this is a total nightmare

GusFring

i did it. im torturing myslef and i cant stop

albertbridge i just messed up big time.

your mesage is amazing ❤

Sorry you are struggling so much. This won't last forever. How have you messed up?

Thank you. I called him (didn't answer) sent a load of messages saying i deserved an explanation etc. he said let's talk tomorrow. fucking stupid idiot

We've messaged every night before we go to bed for over a year. I am totally addicted

You’re not an idiot. You may well get some closure from this. Or it might make you feel worse and you’ll have to start again. But either way you’ll get through it.

I know exactly how you feel. My life feels so empty without my XDP in it. Even through he wasn’t physically here every day, we also texted 2-3 times a day including late and night while watching TV, and to say goodnight. And now my phone just doesn’t ping at all . It’s hard to get used to the silence. Glad to hear you’ve been keeping busy, and hope you get the message you need from him tomorrow.