Utterly, utterly, heartbroken

[colouringindoors]

I know I'm not the first and won't be the last. It's nothing new.

But I honestly don't know how I can bear this

This morning my relationship ended. We'd only been "together" for six months, friends for 3 years, I've "liked" him for over 3 years. It has been wonderful. I could talk about anything and everything with him. He made me laugh, he's kind, we had lots in common and omg the chemistry was incredible. I really thought he was the person I'd spend the rest of my life with.

This came after separating from my husband of 20+ years 4 years ago and a huge amount of trauma due to ex's severe mental illness, ds severely ill, dd diagnosed ASD. The last 10 years have been horrendous apart from meeting new man, getting to know him and becoming involved with him.

I feel worse than I did when I separated from my husband. I've been unable to stop crying all day. I literally don't know what to do with myself.

How do I bear this?!

@colouringindoors

I'm so so tired. Of this. Of shit with my exh. Of shit with my kids. I just want to go.

. Sending huge hugs to you. Just keep breathing and getting through the next 5 minutes and then the next hour. Is there anything you can do that you enjoy to lift you up a little? I know when I feel down I haven't got the energy or motivation to do something fun, but then I did remember some music that I love and usually makes me feel great so I put it on and to my surprise did sing along and enjoyed it. Or I've just started to watch some beginner dance tutorials on YouTube and make myself do 5-10 minutes. The rest of the day can be so heavy and serious but giving my brain a taste of pleasure and enjoyment, even if less than 'normal', is a step in the right direction.

And be as kind and compassionate to yourself as you would be to someone you love 💕

It’s like the colour has been turned down on my life.

This is such a good description

We have to find and paint our own colours. It takes time, but we will get there. Mine is very very slowly brightening up a little.

I’m sorry to hear low energy
Can’t say the rain helps

I’ve realised that I’ve been getting totally obsessed and linerence (my 2022 new word) with my crushes
And then I get angry with them for how obsessed I get
It’s horrible and yuk

Anyway , I’m going to consider a break from men and getting some counselling
And try to get more joy

I wish us all more joy

Jesse send a dance video link
I’m going to try that

Sometimes we have to push this joy hard hard

Here it is:

https://youtube.com/c/GetDance

I'm a crap dancer - need to start RIGHT at the beginning

Are you okay @colouringindoors?

Sending you love colouring - hope you’re ok

oh thank you so much. I'm still here. Had a big "chat" with dd so one of the stresses is calmed.

Urge to message him this week is insane

I just found out he's blocked me on FB. I don't get it

Oh love, that’s tough. To be fair I would have blocked XP on there if he weren’t already blocked from years ago! Only because I don’t want to see pics of him happy or for him to see anything I post or like and presume it’s about him. The temptation to look is so strong so I can kind of understand why he’s drawn a line but it must hurt. Take it as a sign that you meant so much to him that he’s having to consciously draw a line. If he didn’t give a shit he’d just have moved on without a second thought.

thank you x

it's not getting better

It is a bit , as you have said it yourself
But it’s very much a two steps forward , one step back process
You deserve a good day op

Were you the OW? I think he's still married isn't he? It might help to think of his wife if that's the case?

@colouringindoors

I just found out he's blocked me on FB. I don't get it

He’s a twat.

But he’s maybe seeing you as harassing or stalking. It’s a fine line.

Time to move on. Get yourself into hating him.

So sorry - I can totally get this. I would be devastated if me and my dp split. Much more than my marriage .

Just take it small steps . Go for a walk. Watch a film. See friends. Cry. Eventually you will meet someone who willl make you happy . You will . Use this time for self improvement , what else can you do ? Biggest hug xx

Read Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov, rubbish title amazing book. It will change your outlook x

I’m also texting an ex of mine who’s become a friend
He’s mentally ill , and I try and keep in touch
He is totally and utterly obsessed with a woman he s known for over 30 years
It’s a terrible thing to read

I don’t know , I wish we could just flick a switch and forget these people

I’m the same , checking messages to see if the beau I like will text me
I hate this
Hate it hate it hate

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I’m also texting an ex of mine who’s become a friend He’s mentally ill , and I try and keep in touch He is totally and utterly obsessed with a woman he s known for over 30 years It’s a terrible thing to read

I don’t know , I wish we could just flick a switch and forget these people

I’m the same , checking messages to see if the beau I like will text me
I hate this
Hate it hate it hate

Honestly read the book referenced, it helped me so much re same thing !

I think this chap is done and dusted
Curious how will it help me with future ones (I wish !) and handling things better ?

Men generally don't leave women unless they have somebody else lined up first. Could he have met someone else? Were there any warning signs that he may have been distracted when you went away with him in November?

Back to channelling the "F*ck You [Name]" in my head yesterday and today. It will be 8 weeks Friday.

I noticed the lovely twinkly blue eyes of a guy in a shop I was in on Monday which I'm also taking as progress....

Noticing another man is definitely progress. I have just been looking at my old FB profile pics and clicking on all the ones of me and him . Seeing how much he looked like he loved me is heartbreaking.

Had a panic attack last night and my poor DD (15) had to look after me. So disappointed that I’m letting myself get in such a state tbh, but feel a bit brighter today. Still drove home from work past his office, just in case he might see my car and wish he still had me. I’m such a dick

@RoyKentsChestHair I've just PM'd you

You are Not a dick. You're human and you're thinking and feeling just like me, any many other regulars on this thread. It's Really tough x

Your not a dick roykent