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Original poster

Utterly, utterly, heartbroken

1000 replies

colouringindoors · 07/01/2022 16:22

I know I'm not the first and won't be the last. It's nothing new.

But I honestly don't know how I can bear this Sad

This morning my relationship ended. We'd only been "together" for six months, friends for 3 years, I've "liked" him for over 3 years. It has been wonderful. I could talk about anything and everything with him. He made me laugh, he's kind, we had lots in common and omg the chemistry was incredible. I really thought he was the person I'd spend the rest of my life with.

This came after separating from my husband of 20+ years 4 years ago and a huge amount of trauma due to ex's severe mental illness, ds severely ill, dd diagnosed ASD. The last 10 years have been horrendous apart from meeting new man, getting to know him and becoming involved with him.

I feel worse than I did when I separated from my husband. I've been unable to stop crying all day. I literally don't know what to do with myself.

How do I bear this?!

OP posts:
Original poster
colouringindoors · 20/02/2022 22:53

Urge to message him is annoyingly strong so I'm going to carry on rambling here. I will not. In the vague delusional hope he has been missing me or worried about me I wont alleviate that by contacting him. I'm aware I sound a bit bonkers and it worries me Sad. It won't make me feel any better. Most likely he won't reply - as I originally requested. But even if he does what could he possibly realistically say after 6 weeks that would make me feel better. A big fat zero. ffs Sad

OP posts:
PeakyBlender · 20/02/2022 23:05

Definitely do not message him

Brutal fact is if he wanted to speak to you he would have contacted you, so you're opening yourself up to being blanked and hurt all over again

You're doing so well and will continue to do so, you've got this Thanks

pictish · 20/02/2022 23:33

Absolutely do not message him. You are correct in that six weeks on, there is nothing for him to say. You'll just feel annoyed at yourself. Xx

RoyKentsChestHair · 20/02/2022 23:59

Oh god I’m with you. It’s so painful isn’t it. But everyone is right - no good can come of contacting him.

I’m also holding out hope that my ex might be missing me, but honestly I have a suspicion that most men just don’t feel as deeply as we do. How many times do we hear about widowers who move on to a new woman within weeks of their wife dying. It’s like there’s a woman shaped space in their life so they fill it someone else, or with work, fitness, hobbies etc. I don’t imagine for one minute that he’s crying every night or telling everyone he talks to that he’s struggling without me.

You just have to concentrate on moving on, and envisaging a life without him as a positive thing. Keep remembering the bad bits - do you have that list yet on your phone?! Focus on the negatives. Flowers

Original poster
colouringindoors · 21/02/2022 00:10

Thank you so much x

OP posts:
fenellastripe · 21/02/2022 09:51

@colouringindoors

Urge to message him is annoyingly strong so I'm going to carry on rambling here. I will not. In the vague delusional hope he has been missing me or worried about me I wont alleviate that by contacting him. I'm aware I sound a bit bonkers and it worries me Sad. It won't make me feel any better. Most likely he won't reply - as I originally requested. But even if he does what could he possibly realistically say after 6 weeks that would make me feel better. A big fat zero. ffs Sad
Would it help if you posted what you miss about him, specifically?
Original poster
colouringindoors · 22/02/2022 11:51

I don't think so. Need to focus on the negatives.

OP posts:
Original poster
colouringindoors · 22/02/2022 11:52

I’m also holding out hope that my ex might be missing me, but honestly I have a suspicion that most men just don’t feel as deeply as we do. How many times do we hear about widowers who move on to a new woman within weeks of their wife dying. It’s like there’s a woman shaped space in their life so they fill it someone else, or with work, fitness, hobbies etc. I don’t imagine for one minute that he’s crying every night or telling everyone he talks to that he’s struggling without me.

Totally this. I'd love to think he feels as shit as me and is regretting his decision. But he's not. He's on his hamster wheel of work, parenting, Another house project. Sad.

OP posts:
Original poster
colouringindoors · 22/02/2022 11:53

oh and the gym.

OP posts:
spacehardware · 22/02/2022 13:14

"I’m also holding out hope that my ex might be missing me, but honestly I have a suspicion that most men just don’t feel as deeply as we do."

I don't know that most men don't. Some definitely don't.

He almost certainly will momentarily miss you at some point, and text/email when he's feeling low/bored/drunk. My ex used to do this - you MUST ignore him.

Original poster
colouringindoors · 22/02/2022 20:37

He won't. I asked him not to and he will stick to that SadHmm

OP posts:
Thisisworsethananticpated · 23/02/2022 10:36

How are we all ladies ?

I’ve now had my second break up that’s upset me since this thread started (first one was why I joined)

I’m not learning am I Sad

Original poster
colouringindoors · 23/02/2022 17:20

Oh no! Thisisworsethananticpated Sad
that's so rubbish. Hope you're being seriously kind to yourself Flowers

Plodding on here, still seriously sad.

OP posts:
Thisisworsethananticpated · 23/02/2022 17:28

Ahhh ! Not really
Worked all day , ate all day
Don’t feel like I deserve kindness
I’m sorry your still sad 😞 too

Original poster
colouringindoors · 23/02/2022 21:29

You Definitely deserve kindness. Not least because you're kind to me and others on this thread.

OP posts:
Thisisworsethananticpated · 23/02/2022 21:44

Thanks x
I feel ok now
Well , ish
You Know those limerence and videos we’ve been posting or watching ?
I’m def focussing my attention in the wrong
Place a bit as i do have un met needs
Wake up call
I think I need therapy

Original poster
colouringindoors · 23/02/2022 21:49

You're not the only one with unmet needs... therapy could be good though.

OP posts:
Thisisworsethananticpated · 23/02/2022 21:53

Single motherhood isn’t easy is it
I just went to sun and I was like
‘Please go to school or at least engage’
I want to meet my needs through something that’s not men quite frankly
And go somewhere
Anywhere

RoyKentsChestHair · 23/02/2022 22:42

Yes the feeling of wanting to be somewhere that isn’t here is quite overwhelming for me too. It’s nearly 3 months for me now, after the end of my 9 year relationship and I’m still struggling when ever I think of him, but I’m thinking of him less so that’s something I guess.

I keep reminding myself of all the bad points and I know that if we were still together we’d have fallen out at least once since then again! But I miss the laughs and the sex . Watching new series of TV shows we used to watch by myself is just so dull. It’s like the colour has been turned down on my life. Sad

RoyKentsChestHair · 23/02/2022 22:45

And you absolutely DO deserve kindness and love so give it to yourself Flowers

Utterly, utterly, heartbroken
Original poster
colouringindoors · 24/02/2022 00:33

I have gone backwards the last few days. Messaged him tonight. Then deleted it. I've seen he's online on the app we messaged on at the time we used to chat. Is he messaging someone else? (maybe) is he missing me? (less likely)

OP posts:
Original poster
colouringindoors · 24/02/2022 01:05

I'm so so tired. Of this. Of shit with my exh. Of shit with my kids. I just want to go.

OP posts:
strawberryapricotpie · 24/02/2022 01:11

@colouringindoors

I'm so so tired. Of this. Of shit with my exh. Of shit with my kids. I just want to go.
OP, things will get better, however hard they might seem right now. Hang in there. Thanks
Mudasjark · 24/02/2022 07:01

Please know that the best answer isn't very helpful because it predicates the part of time that requires our participation and tendency to survive. But, maybe you can reconcile or maybe something new will come along.

WhisperingJesse · 24/02/2022 09:37

@Thisisworsethananticpated

How are we all ladies ?

I’ve now had my second break up that’s upset me since this thread started (first one was why I joined)

I’m not learning am I Sad

Oh no, that's really tough. I'm so sorry - dating just stinks.

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