Utterly, utterly, heartbroken

[colouringindoors]

I know I'm not the first and won't be the last. It's nothing new.

But I honestly don't know how I can bear this

This morning my relationship ended. We'd only been "together" for six months, friends for 3 years, I've "liked" him for over 3 years. It has been wonderful. I could talk about anything and everything with him. He made me laugh, he's kind, we had lots in common and omg the chemistry was incredible. I really thought he was the person I'd spend the rest of my life with.

This came after separating from my husband of 20+ years 4 years ago and a huge amount of trauma due to ex's severe mental illness, ds severely ill, dd diagnosed ASD. The last 10 years have been horrendous apart from meeting new man, getting to know him and becoming involved with him.

I feel worse than I did when I separated from my husband. I've been unable to stop crying all day. I literally don't know what to do with myself.

How do I bear this?!

Anyway just over a year after I finally put a stop to it, I met my second husband and he is bliss

ah that's fab
How did you meet?

@PeakyBlender thanks x personally, pretty shit. But love your username!

@PeakyBlender

Hope you guys are all okay today.

Thank you . It's been a fairly shitty day but I'm having fun with my DD this evening.

Thanks all. I’m feeling slightly better today and less inane with grief. I’m trying to think of all the reasons I can be happier without him. I just miss his support so much. We used to speak about 3-5 times a day and if not everyday. It’s hard to loose that when im on my own at home with little other support. Hope you’re all feeling better today too xx

Totally, totally, get the missing the support and having very little without that person. I'm in the same position. Mine had supported me through a lot esp re ds major health probs and my major back injury. Miss the late evening messaging, though that is getting a bit easier thanks to Mumsnetters... But...

thank fuck today's over.

Hear hear.

I set my alarm to get up early and do some work. Opened my eyes, had that sinking feeling when I realised it was VD, promptly burst into tears, and went back to sleep for another hour. Had a right day of blubbing at intervals, actually wailing at one point, and now just sitting up watching TV when I should be asleep as I’m just happy it’s 15th now! to you all xx

@spacehardware I'd like to know how you met your DH too!

@Mumtothethreeamigos It's a really good idea to list the things about him that didn't work for you and that will be better now. Make a list on your phone and read it often. I did and it definitely helps.

Have you checked some of the things people recommended earlier in the thread? There's an excellent TED talk especially that suggests this and other things, and some podcasts.

@RoyKentsChestHair I'm sorry you had a tough day too. I hope today is better.

It’s over
Here’s to February 15th

I had weird day also , filling my head with men and sending weird texts and everyone disappointed me in some way and ugh 😑

My sons asked why don’t you have a valentines mummy
Because son

• I’m getting sex messages from my mentally ill ex
• my hot shag is doing the slow fade
• I’m flirting with my married builder which is a mistake
• and the nicest one Is only 11 years older than you

@RoyKentsChestHair 💐 to you, hope today is better.

@Mumtothethreeamigos yeah I recommend the List thing mentioned in the Ted talk (page 2 or 3?)

@Thisisworsethananticpated ah bless you that sounds really tough. I have an ex with bipolar so massively sympathise.

Today is better already.

Hope everyone feeling ok today. I just feel like a robot going through the motions. I’m so fucking sad I wasn’t what he wanted. I thought we had an amazing connection and the fact he would choose to cut me out of this life shows I was deluded. It can’t have been that great if he didn’t feel the same. He wants to be friends but I can’t cope with that. I’m so done with being hurt. Anyone else feel like this? I think it’s why it’s so hard this time round as I’ve just had enough for heartbreak

That was ecactly me 5, 4, 3 weeks ago. Couldn't believe that something soooo amazing could come to an end. But also clearly it wasn't as amazing for him if he could turn it fown. I would be sobbing multiple times a day.

Would not recommend the being friends thing (mine asked that too). They don't get to kerp ANY of the cake, as it were...

Seriously, do The List.

And tell yourself he's a fcking idiot to walk away from you and you don't want to be with a fcking idiot x

www.ted.com/talks/guy_winch_how_to_fix_a_broken_heart

This is the TED talk that's v good and talks about The List @Mumtothethreeamigos

Thank you 🙏🏻

My exH was having a kind of close friendship/emotional affair over a similar length of time (although I didn't know at the time, and still don't know who she is).
He seemed to change virtually overnight and then he gradually withdrew more and more. Another infidelity was the reason I ended up divorcing him. His close friendship/emotional affair must have ended fairly recently because he's been chasing me like there's no tomorrow.
The thing to learn about men, OP, is that they can make you feel loved, like you are 'the one', but it's so fragile. Someone else can come along and 'you' gets lost in translation. Onto the next one, or having their cake and eating it.

That TED talk is amazing! I feel empowered. Thank you so much all of you! It’s so true. I must think of all the shit he’s put me through and fill the voids in my life with other things. We’ve all got this 🙌🏻 Xx

It’s a good talk and it reminded me to stalk my exes
Must do better !

Ah glad you found it helpful, I found it v informative and helpful. I have the list on my phone... should take a look now

colouringindoors
Hats off to you girl
I’ve said this before but you are working so hard in this

I used to have a list of all the nice things XP did for me when we were together to remind me when I was doubting him. I’ve since made a list of all the reasons the relationship/he was not right.

It’s a much longer list

@thisisworsethananticipated omg thank you ❤ tonight i am desperately craving some physical affection so your post is so appreciated ❤

@roykentschesthair that made me lol. Which is very rare this year!

I am not sure whether I missed this, @colouringindoors, but do you think he has done this before, to other women? Had them fall in love with him then back off? Do you think that there were things he did which could almost have been calculated to make you fall in love? I might be way off here, it is just that some of this sounds oddly familiar!

A friend said to me “good god girl get a grip” at a similar point in time to yours.

Time to move on lady. You’re wasting your precious life on something that was very short in reality. Stop living for the past. It’s gone.

I was the same. Forget the twat.

wow I don't know why I didn't think of that 🙄