Utterly, utterly, heartbroken

[colouringindoors]

I know I'm not the first and won't be the last. It's nothing new.

But I honestly don't know how I can bear this

This morning my relationship ended. We'd only been "together" for six months, friends for 3 years, I've "liked" him for over 3 years. It has been wonderful. I could talk about anything and everything with him. He made me laugh, he's kind, we had lots in common and omg the chemistry was incredible. I really thought he was the person I'd spend the rest of my life with.

This came after separating from my husband of 20+ years 4 years ago and a huge amount of trauma due to ex's severe mental illness, ds severely ill, dd diagnosed ASD. The last 10 years have been horrendous apart from meeting new man, getting to know him and becoming involved with him.

I feel worse than I did when I separated from my husband. I've been unable to stop crying all day. I literally don't know what to do with myself.

How do I bear this?!

I'd be really happy to Whatsapp group as well, and away from potential journalists would be good. I'd love it if whisperingjesse and Thisisworsethananticpated felt the same. If they don't I'll be on both. This thread has been so, so helpful for me.

That sounds like a bit of a headf**k scorpiogirly - are you ok this eve?

I still miss him a fkn horrible amount. AIBU to hope he's missing me as much (or worse?!) I suspect he's not, that he has compartmentalised and got back on hamster wheel of work and dcs

If he turned up on my doorstep tonight I'd be less enthusiastic than 2 weeks ago, but I don't think I could resist still.

But he won't. He really won't. And I need to stop daydreaming...

I've PMd you, Scorpiogirly.

Colouring, I wouldn't be able to resist if he turned up at my door either. I do keep wondering if in 6 months or something, when I've got over the worst and I'm able to see him as friends, whether he might then realise he's been an idiot and completely fall for me. But I don't suppose he will...

If he doesn't realise what he's lost he is a total idiot.

Weirdly I’m remembering when I was heartbroken as a young woman
Once my mum got me some Christian Dior cosmetics
And another time my friend came with flowers

It’s funny how its always the women that look after the women isn’t it

And after my latest my son allowed me to go to bed early !!!! He’s very clingy

It totally is women looking after women ❤

My darling mum used to listen to my many many man problems and take me out for pub dinners so I could pour my heart out. Love her.

Aaahh she sounds wonderful.

@colouringindoors she has advanced dementia now, I miss our chats so much although I no longer have man troubles due to being eternally single!!

oh no! on both accounts! ❤

Spent the day unable to get him out of my head. No idea why. It's sh*t though. Resisting urge to get in touch. It will make me worse. But fkn hell do I miss him

So just wanted to share that this was me in august last year, I fell for someone and ended a long term relationship for him, he then got cold feet and disappeared leaving me heartbroken .. I used to sit there feeling the way you do, but then decided I was going to stay single and work on me and so joined the gym to keep me busy and make me so that red that I started to sleep at night and it was the best thing I ever did it was good for my mental health and I feel so fit and healthy and yes I did still think of him, but recently I bombed into him and I shocked myself as I actually saw him for what he was not who I thought he was and walked away wondering what the hell id seen in him and thinking who I was last year as me now wouldn't have given him the time I f say and it felt so good, there was nothing there for me it was gone at last.. I got home and he txt me later I did what he used to do and ignored it then deleted it as I'm on a new path now and it's a good one without him it it, so you can do this , you just need to get busy and focus elsewhere for now.

Dollyblueeyes

That’s wonderful
That’s all I can say ,good for you

@Dollyblueeyes thank you!

i kind of want the realisation that you had. but also i don't as then I'll wonder about my judgement as especially it turned out to be so off re exh. can i ever trust it again re a man?

All I can say is I was utterly broken , I’m not sure how I picked myself back up , but knew I had no choice and when I looked good today and looked him in the face I knew all my feelings had gone and I knew he’d try and txt me , I’ve just met a new fella and he’s everything he wasn’t and I never thought I would, so I’ve learnt a lesson and moved on , I do have to see him again Monday and he will try even harder but all my feelings have gone , the hurt he caused me will never be forgotten , although I have forgiven him and time is a healer but with the gym and maybe some meditation it will ease in time xx

Ah that's so helpful to hear thank you. And from a selfish perspective I'm also pleased you've found someone lovely.

colouringindoors Well I found once I’d sorted myself out I knew when it was the right time to let someone in, and my exh before that ex wasn’t great but you just have to trust yourself xx you’ll be just fine in time , just focus on you for now like you would a best friend x

Thank you. Yeah I def need to get myself into a better place. Can't begin to think about another relationship til I am at least, less needy.

That is great Dolly and thank you. It gives us hope!

I really, really hate Thursdays

I don't know how much more of this I can bear.

Hang on in there op, I’ve been where you are - in a really terrible place and like you I fell for someone who broke it off at the “honeymoon” stage and without warning. I did break NC because I wanted, needed an explanation for his dumping me out of the blue, but I’ve never really got one, he has blown hot and cold and he now says he wants to be friends. It is still causing me pain but months down the line, it’s manageable. I still cry about it sometimes and I still miss so much the person I thought he was and the relationship that could have been. I’ve been following this thread because it’s strangely comforting to know there are others in the same situation. The pain has been absolutely awful and unbearable at times. But like you, for me it was the first relationship after years of unhappiness and that makes the grief so much worse. What I’ve come to realise is that it isn’t just about him, it’s about what he represented: a glimpse of a happier life. He appeared to have the key that unlocked a part of me that I had forgotten existed but as difficult as it is to understand this now, this man you are missing isn’t unique: he just enabled you to glimpse yourself at your best, as a vibrant, sexy and interesting woman; he allowed you to reveal aspects of yourself that had been dormant for such a long while. And that connection you had with him: it was real for you but something was not right for him or he would not have given it up. The grief can seem overwhelming; it comes and goes in waves, but it will get easier. Have you seen Guy Winch’s Ted talk? It makes sense….

it’s strangely comforting to know there are others in the same situation. The pain has been absolutely awful and unbearable at times. But like you, for me it was the first relationship after years of unhappiness and that makes the grief so much worse. What I’ve come to realise is that it isn’t just about him, it’s about what he represented: a glimpse of a happier life. He appeared to have the key that unlocked a part of me that I had forgotten existed

So much this. Thank you and I'm really pleased you're doing better now.