Utterly, utterly, heartbroken

[colouringindoors]

I know I'm not the first and won't be the last. It's nothing new.

But I honestly don't know how I can bear this

This morning my relationship ended. We'd only been "together" for six months, friends for 3 years, I've "liked" him for over 3 years. It has been wonderful. I could talk about anything and everything with him. He made me laugh, he's kind, we had lots in common and omg the chemistry was incredible. I really thought he was the person I'd spend the rest of my life with.

This came after separating from my husband of 20+ years 4 years ago and a huge amount of trauma due to ex's severe mental illness, ds severely ill, dd diagnosed ASD. The last 10 years have been horrendous apart from meeting new man, getting to know him and becoming involved with him.

I feel worse than I did when I separated from my husband. I've been unable to stop crying all day. I literally don't know what to do with myself.

How do I bear this?!

Mother fucker that’s annoying

thanks, you too

@Thisisworsethananticpated

So I think we can only text for birthday if we agree that No reply is possible A bland reply is possible The chance of the birthday text resuscitating anything (depending on what you want !) is ranging from 0 to 0.00000000001%

I agree. I'll decide nearer the time (Feb 13th) but we have to be ready for no/little response.

OTOH I'll be helping my elderly Mum move into a care home that day so I may have too much on my plate to even think of him!

I've cried buckets again this morning. It's always crap in the mornings. But I read through the early part of this thread again and took strength from that, including watching some of the Crappy Childhood Fairy videos.

Thank God I haven't dreamed about him. That must be so tough. Although I suppose to dream you have to sleep, and I don't seem to get much of that.

Oh I'm sorry to hear that WhisperingJesse mornings are def worse for me too.

I had a good day at work! But it used up all my energy and I am exhausted. Seem to manage work ok, but parenting fries my brain and I'd rather come home to an empty house. Would love a load of wine tonight but purposefully have no alcohol in the house and am too knackered to go out and get some. Both dcs have stinking colds so it's all a bit bleurh here.

While the agony of the first week has eased a lot, I still really miss him and feel really sad. I hope he really misses me. Still having to fight contacting him. Am focusing on the "make him really miss you" angle and remeberinh how dreadful the come down is.

I sleep as GP gave me something last week, which was a good move. Hope I don't dream about him tonight though.

whisperingjesse personally I'd say don't contact him on his birthday but I am fine one to talk.... I hope the care home move for your mum is a positive step for everyone, though i know it's usually a really tough decision.

@WhisperingJesse I wonder if by the 13th you might not want to. That's a long way off yet. I'm aiming for 30 days and then will reevaluate.

Yay
Not only do we have two birthdays coming up
But also Valentine’s Day
I got a text message shit kicking from my ex (kids dad ) today about sons mental health issues and school refusal

Anyway , I showed my friend and she said ‘what a total cunt’ and some other stuff that was accurate

Urgh he sounds horrible Thisisworsethananticpated sorry to hear that.

Yeah Valentine's Day can FOTTFSOF.
I so want to message him .

Take a sleeping pill !
That’s maybe why the dreams actually
Sorry 🙃

I've been stupid stupid stupid. Although I feel shit, it has helped. Will update more tomorrow x

Been there x don't beat yourself up x

Want to give you a hug!

At 36, I had my heart broken in the worst way, by someone I too thought was going to be life partner after my marriage ended. The pain I experienced when it happened was worse than any heartbreak I thought I had as a younger person. Unrequited love is the most painful feeling I've ever experienced, mentally. It has been almost a year since mine ended and I still think about him every day. It makes me feel pathetic. But I try to remember only the wonderful time we spent together, and how special he made me feel during that time. I am so sorry you are going through this!

Hugs to all esp Scorpiogirly and Thisisworsethananticipated. It's weird that I'm not tempted to message my ex at all at the moment - I just know it would be way too painful.

But Valentine's Day approaching totally sucks.

@KyraMartini thank you so much x I'm sorry you've experienced this. Like you say it is agony. And like you say it sounds pathetic, unless you've experienced something similar in which case you know. Sending all good wishes 🌻

Yeah the Valentine's thing is making me seriously grumpy. Maybe we could have our own anti Valentine's evening on 14th if people are still posting!!! Alternatively I am in the Bucks/Herts area

Back to lovely GP shortly for review after last week's horribleness...

I hope the GP appointment goes well. I have to decide if I need more time off and contact my GP tomorrow if so.

Fuckity fuck, I was sorting through some videos on my phone and came across some I had totally forgotten of him. I couldn't resist watching. I don't know at the moment whether it was a good or bad thing to do. I tried really hard to look at him and notice what I didn't like, to help the detachment, but of course I saw gestures and looks that always made me weak at the knees. I'm trying to deprogram myself. Ugh.

Urgh that would have finished me off whisperingjesse hope you're ok. I only have a couple of not amazing photos, but am avoiding those.

When does your current Fit Note end?

GP was lovely thanks. Made a plan for how to get time off work for therapy programme crisis team have offered me (one hour every morning online every day for fortnight). Back at work now and actually just had a laugh! Onwards...

That plan sounds great. I really hope it helps.

Amazingly I have not cried today, even with those videos. I don't know if that's because I cried it all out yesterday or if it's because I did an EFT/tapping thing to release heartbreak. I don't know if I believe that tapping works for me but a psychotherapist friend says it's great so I thought I'd give it a try. And I do feel significantly different at the moment!

My Fit Note runs out on Sunday. I have two jobs - one for 3 days a week and one for 1.5 days, both WFH at the moment. I might return to the 1.5 days job but still take another two weeks off the other one which is by far the most stressful. I still feel tense, shaky and stressed for much of the day which I have done for a long time tbh as a result of my shitty marriage so I don't want to pile on too much too fast.

That sounds like a good plan. Tense, shaky and stressed is not healthy x. A friend of mine finds EFT very helpful. If it helps, just go for it. I had a private yoga lesson at home with my yoga teacher this afternoon. Haven't been since beginning of pandemic and then back injury. Used to find it v helpful both mentally and physically. She is lovely and I thought it would be therapeutic, and it was. She was very kind and supportive of my ability to regain my level. It was quite emotional, and also calming. I'm going to treat myself to three more, then I'll hopefully feel strong enough to return to her classes.

I emailed my line manager but he didn't reply. Then he disappeared last hour I was there. I'm now paranoid he went to talk to HR about me and a)it's a no go b)they'll say they don't think I'm capable of the job or somehhing. I had months off last year due to back injury and HR are not fond of me.

my bloody elastic band (ping when i want to message him) is working overtime tonight.

tell me this stops soon!!!

I'm not sure if this is speaking out of turn, would anyone from this thread be interested in starting a WhatsApp group for us to chat more easily? I completely understand it not.

I'm happy to

@Boiledcabbages fab.

If anyone who wants to wants to PM their number I'll set one up if i can work it out and get everyone added

I tink that’s a sweet idea
I’m not as heartbroken as you
But I’m 💪💪💪💪 you all on here