Utterly, utterly, heartbroken

[colouringindoors]

I know I'm not the first and won't be the last. It's nothing new.

But I honestly don't know how I can bear this

This morning my relationship ended. We'd only been "together" for six months, friends for 3 years, I've "liked" him for over 3 years. It has been wonderful. I could talk about anything and everything with him. He made me laugh, he's kind, we had lots in common and omg the chemistry was incredible. I really thought he was the person I'd spend the rest of my life with.

This came after separating from my husband of 20+ years 4 years ago and a huge amount of trauma due to ex's severe mental illness, ds severely ill, dd diagnosed ASD. The last 10 years have been horrendous apart from meeting new man, getting to know him and becoming involved with him.

I feel worse than I did when I separated from my husband. I've been unable to stop crying all day. I literally don't know what to do with myself.

How do I bear this?!

I am really appreciating feeling a little sedated this morning. It is such a relief to have my brain much quieter and feeling calmer. I'm sure seeing GP and speaking to person at crisis team yest pm helped too. Feel like I have a little real life support thankfully.

I've been really disappointed by my siblings. Told them I am now under crisis team. Very little contact. No-one has offered to come over (2 live an hour away). Esp after I did a lot for my sister when she was v ill with Covid over Christmas. Oh well.

I've had this in the past too. People don't really know how to deal with it I don't think. Not helpful at all though. Glad you are feeling a little calmer today.

I think its day 13 of NC for me today. I am annoyed that he told our friend he wanted to talk to me. He hasn't sent a thing and he won't. He has unblocked me on whatsapp now though, if he thinks that will prompt me to send a message he is very much mistaken. He needs to just go away!

Just come across a good quote, "If they didn't fight to keep you, they don't deserve you".

Wow 13 days is brilliant 💪💪💪

I am trying to stick with the "He's an idiot to let go of something and someone so wonderful".

I think your friend needs to stop mentioning him to you...

@WandaWomblesaurus73 that is such a lovely post. As someone who has been in a similar position, it has really resonated with me and made me hope that brighter times will be on the way.
to everyone going through tough times on this thread

@WandaWomblesaurus73 wow! What a wonderful post and so very true in my case. It helps me to feel thankful rather than angry at him.
Day 8 no contact for me!

@WhisperingJesse

The OP was just venting. Have some empathy - this is a very painful situation and all sorts of irrational thoughts and feelings bubble up to the surface. And it's fine to like and say you've had a bereavement. We are allowed to protect ourselves by being economical with the truth when it comes to work colleagues and the OP is bereft so it's mainly true.

I have got empathy but lying about being bereaved is disgraceful . Just say you are having a bad time and struggling to function

@amiafreakofnature everyone of your posts on this thread has been somewhat negative. I don't know why your posting if I'm honest. The OP is really struggling. She hasn't had time off work. It's up to her what she wants to say. It's not easy to admit to everyone that you're struggling.

@amiafreakofnature I agree with you. Being dumped after six months sucks, but it's not the same as someone dying. It really isn't.

Nowhere am I saying I'm making the best decisions. I am trying to keep my head above water. It's not anywhere nearly as simple as "being dumped after 6 months". Which you might appreciate if you'd read my posts and others with similar experiences.

I have been bereaved several times in the last decade. Once by suicide. What I am experiencing at the moment is eminently comparable, and a point the GP I met yesterday made. And it's the easiest explanation I can give for my appearance, demeanor and exhaustion at work.

Please consider whether your posts are helpful to anyone seeking support on this thread.

Being dumped after six months sucks, but it's not the same as someone dying. It really isn't

Firstly she was expressing how she feels in herself
There is no law against that
Secondly , sometimes things are a tipping point
And shock you in how awful they make you feel

If a medical Professional has OPs history , medical history and has made some recommendation
Who are you to judge ??
Also If everything had been hunky dory she probably wouldn’t be so upset
But it hasn’t been
And this has hit her hard

It’s not about being ‘dumped after 6 months’
It’s so much more

@WandaWomblesaurus73 I love your post! Xx

@colouringindoors but you are bereaved, (I’m a bereavement counsellor) you have lost someone dear to you. In some ways it can feel worse as he made the choice to leave. No matter it was ‘only’ six months, it was what that new relationship represented to you, your future, etc. Also, you mention multiple, complicated previous losses. Each loss compounds the previous loss. It’s complex x

@colouringindoors

Nowhere am I saying I'm making the best decisions. I am trying to keep my head above water. It's not anywhere nearly as simple as "being dumped after 6 months". Which you might appreciate if you'd read my posts and others with similar experiences.

I have been bereaved several times in the last decade. Once by suicide. What I am experiencing at the moment is eminently comparable, and a point the GP I met yesterday made. And it's the easiest explanation I can give for my appearance, demeanor and exhaustion at work.

Please consider whether your posts are helpful to anyone seeking support on this thread.

I completely agree. My first child died age 8 weeks. No, I don't expect this break up grief to last anything like as long, nor is it as bad as that, but there are moments when it's not far off and this definitely is in the top 5 of the most painful experiences of my life.

The worst pain i 3ver felt was getting dumped after 4 months

To me it was worse than if he'd died. I felt worthless and betrayed. I had a low self esteem 20 years ago but dont under estimate the pain

Iamabitstinky thank you. I really appreciate your perspective. I have been in love with him for 3 years and friends most of that time too.

Sorry not all posts are exactly to your liking but you are giving the impression to people that someone close to you has died. The end of a short relationship is not the same as some losing their life prematurely but I get as you are in a bad place your sense of perspective is very skewed . I just think it's an awful life and nobody is helping you by saying it's acceptable

Not only that but your 'note' to him blames him entirely for your mental health crisis. How many times have people called boyfriends who say their mental health problems/struggle to function after a break is their exes fault for dumping them is totally abusive?
Trust me I know the pain of a break up but this isn't on him. Ending a relationship you don't 100% want to be in is everyone's right. The important thing is accepting this and not letting it eat at you

I just think it's an awful life

So. Do. I.

I hope everyone's hanging in there this evening x

I've been out. I went to a book club for the first time and met 6 lovely women. It was hard because the meeting was in a cafe that I went to with my ex a lot, but thankfully he wasn't there and I enjoyed the evening.

Oh well done that's really brave. I'm very glad they were lovely 😊

Saw GP again she is lovely. Said 8t was totally ok to say I've been bereaved to couple work colleagues. Said it was awesome that I'm managing to go to work at all at the moment. See her again Tuesday. Going to go to painting class in a bit.

Sending good wishes to you all 🌱🌱🌱