Utterly, utterly, heartbroken

[colouringindoors]

I know I'm not the first and won't be the last. It's nothing new.

But I honestly don't know how I can bear this

This morning my relationship ended. We'd only been "together" for six months, friends for 3 years, I've "liked" him for over 3 years. It has been wonderful. I could talk about anything and everything with him. He made me laugh, he's kind, we had lots in common and omg the chemistry was incredible. I really thought he was the person I'd spend the rest of my life with.

This came after separating from my husband of 20+ years 4 years ago and a huge amount of trauma due to ex's severe mental illness, ds severely ill, dd diagnosed ASD. The last 10 years have been horrendous apart from meeting new man, getting to know him and becoming involved with him.

I feel worse than I did when I separated from my husband. I've been unable to stop crying all day. I literally don't know what to do with myself.

How do I bear this?!

I have renamed my ex in my phone to HAVE SOME DIGNITY. Maybe try something like that?

@colouringindoors nooooooooooo don't break the no contact. Keep posting the messages here.

That message is totally abusive
I wonder what people would be saying if OP was a man

i wont do it.

And you haven't had a bereavement that's a terrible thing to lie about

Honestly I know what it's like to be hung up on someone but I think you need to realise it is perfectly possible to be happy without having anyone else to complete you
Both parties need to enter a relationship complete not broken . You need to complement each other not complete each other

Please don't

One day you will look back on it and be so very glad you haven't sent that message

All it does is make you look crazy and him feel justified

And I say this kindly as someone who has been there

I had to delete numbers

I even stalked him and his new girlfriend so much on social media that I recognised her ex husband on online dating and frantically swiped on him

Thankfully we didn't match

It just takes time and being kind to yourself

I had to give myself an hour when I could obsess and then try not to think about it the rest of the day

@scorpiogirly

I have renamed my ex in my phone to HAVE SOME DIGNITY. Maybe try something like that?

Oh that's good! You're a g3nius

@amiafreakofnature

That message is totally abusive I wonder what people would be saying if OP was a man

I got my post removed for breaching community guidelines for saying something very similar.

The OP was just venting. Have some empathy - this is a very painful situation and all sorts of irrational thoughts and feelings bubble up to the surface. And it's fine to like and say you've had a bereavement. We are allowed to protect ourselves by being economical with the truth when it comes to work colleagues and the OP is bereft so it's mainly true.

Fine to lie...

I've been signed off work till 30th Jan and can have another 2 weeks after that if I feel I need to.

I even stalked him and his new girlfriend so much on social media that I recognised her ex husband on online dating and frantically swiped on him

Oh man . No judgement
I’m just relieved it’s not just me that does this crazy shot !!!!!!

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Not my finest hour

I had to delete social media because I used a fake account and write something unkind on a joint picture of them

I really did lose my mind !

I am mortified I behaved like that now because on hindsight it really wasn't worth it. At all.

Anyway onwards and upwards until the next time 😊

@colouringindoors

natashaadamo.com/does-no-contact-work-tempted-to-break-no-contact/

@colouringindoors

I found her very helpful

WhisperingJesse I'm pleased for you. I really hope it helps. How have you been this evening?

sorry Mumsnet, could you possibly remove this one too that quotes my earlier post

thanks very much.

@colouringindoors

I miss him so much. I loved being held by him. He is the best at hugs. When he held me everything was ok. He made me feel attractive for the first time in 10, maybe 15 years and I’ll always be grateful for that.

He just allowed you to see yourself for the first time in a long time.

You are still beautiful and attractive and worth loving. Go no contact - spend the time on yourself - journal, cry, watch films. Sleep when you can. Buy yourself new luxurious bedding. Get some of the Pukka teas - there's a few healing ones, the "Love" tea and the sleep/peace teas are good.

Dig deep into the earth and rest, meditate and allow life to show you alternatives and open up.

Everything will be ok. Even if you don't think so right now. I had a relationship like this when I broke up with my alcoholic ex husband. I was devastated when it happened. Five years later I met my current husband. I hadn't realised but the relationship that I was crying over ending was actually the shadow of the thorn on the rose as Aragorn would say.

Someone said to me that the guy was an "opener" someone who brought me back into the world after the misery of the alcoholic husband. He was never meant to stay, just meant to enable me to get away.

Eventually I met a man I would buy a magical flat with and who brought his children to live with my child and we are a strong family now.

Better things are coming - if you knew you would never see him again but in a period of time you will meet someone wonderful what would you do with this time?

Rest and heal. You did nothing wrong. These feelings will pass over time. Allow them to move through you and flow out of you.

WandaWomblesaurus73 thank you so much 💖

Gp and crisis team recommended adjustment to my nighttime medication so i slept solidly. Pretty zonked now but better to have slept. Assessment with crisis team Friday.

@colouringindoors

WhisperingJesse I'm pleased for you. I really hope it helps. How have you been this evening?

I'm not too bad in the evenings but much sobbing is happening this morning. It was just so nice to be cared for, desired, treated nicely and I miss him so much. I know I'll get over him but the process of doing so really sucks.

@Wandawomblesaurus73 what a brilliant post, thank you.

@WandaWomblesaurus73 love this post. It's how I am starting to see things with my ex. Before him I couldn't even imagine being with anyone again after 3.5 years.

How is everyone doing today?

whisperingjesse sending hugs. i find sobbing generally worse in mornings too.

It was just so nice to be cared for, desired, treated nicely and I miss him so much

Totally 110% understand this. It's so hard to loose after you've craved it so long ⚘