Utterly, utterly, heartbroken

[colouringindoors]

I know I'm not the first and won't be the last. It's nothing new.

But I honestly don't know how I can bear this

This morning my relationship ended. We'd only been "together" for six months, friends for 3 years, I've "liked" him for over 3 years. It has been wonderful. I could talk about anything and everything with him. He made me laugh, he's kind, we had lots in common and omg the chemistry was incredible. I really thought he was the person I'd spend the rest of my life with.

This came after separating from my husband of 20+ years 4 years ago and a huge amount of trauma due to ex's severe mental illness, ds severely ill, dd diagnosed ASD. The last 10 years have been horrendous apart from meeting new man, getting to know him and becoming involved with him.

I feel worse than I did when I separated from my husband. I've been unable to stop crying all day. I literally don't know what to do with myself.

How do I bear this?!

Viveladifference oh I'm so sorry to hear that. Loosing these relationships after a long and sad marriage seem to be so so hard for many.

It does seem to be a theme doesn't it. But I think it goes back to what a pp said in that we have been so starved of affection and then lose the person that has offered it even if briefly.

gp 10.10

@Viveladifference

Hi, I'm in a similar way. I'm 52 and the man I was see ing for 3 months ended it before Xmas. I was devastated. I'd not met anyone I felt so good eith in 6 years of being in a 25 year relationship. Ten years of that was difficult and loveless. This relationship was wonderful. He took me out on dates, we launched and talked so much. He was the best person I'd met and if started to see that he was the person I wanted to send the rest if my life with. I as gong slowly, enjoying the dating and sex was wonderful. He ended it because things wee moving too slowly. I said things would change but he doesn't want anything to do with me. I'm devastated that my future has gone. He wanted more but I wasn't ready at the time. I just needed to take things slowly. I just don't understand it. It was a shock just before Xmas. I'm still reeling now.

He love bombed you and cast you in the role of ''girlfriend moving quickly''

When you tried to ''improv'' he dumped you.

You are well off out of it although I can imagine the shock. A little bit of sensible caution and having your own life turned him off!?

That makes most men more certain doesn't it.

I had a similar experience and the way I view it now is so different from the way I viewed it in the immediate aftermath through the lens of shock.

Good luck at the GP @colouringindoors

Good luck
Write down what you need to impart
Sending

Make sure you are clear that your mental distress is so high it’s scaring you , your kids and
Impacting life

[quote scorpiogirly]@boiledcabbages well done. Day 11 for me and it definitely helps. Starting to feel a bit numb to it at times. Mutual friend seems to think he will be sending a message soon. I just had a text and I jumped. Before I looked at it I hoped it wasn't him. It wasn't. Part of me wants a conversation as I have unanswered questions but part of me really doesn't as it will set me back massively. I tried to talk to him about it last week when I broke NC but he wouldn't really talk about it so I don't know what has changed now.

@WhisperingJesse Sorry you have had a tough day. I've barely cried, only a few times here and there. I don't know why. I'm usually a crier. Maybe I've just had enough of being treated like shit by men I have no tears left for them. It will get better. How many days NC for you?[/quote]
I've achieved 9 days NC. Feels like an eternity.

I'm nc day 10 today.

@colouringindoors Good luck at the GP, I hope it all goes ok

thank you both x

I also have a GP appointment later today for something else and I'm going to mention this. Along with the stress of dealing with my parents I'm having a really hard time coping with work. I'm hoping to get signed off for 2 weeks.

If you think that will help whispering do it. Caring is very hard at the best of times...

What happened at your appointment @colouringindoors?

GP (not usual one) was really lovely. She recommended increasing the anti anxiety med I take at night to make sure i sleep through. Which i think is a good plan. She is referring me to Adult Mental Health team which tbh I feel totally shit about but I need some sort of help. I'm seeing her again on Thursday. She gave me the number of the crisis team. She also said if i need to before Thur, I can just walk into GP surgery, either just sit there and be safe or someone would see me if I feel I'm in danger. I feel rather pathetic. All this drama cos i split up with my boyfriend. But I have to prioritise my children.

I’m so happy you went
You’ve been through so much
Yay

I know - I'm also dreading the response I imagine my work colleagues will have if I am signed off - all this fuss over a short-term relationship- but we know it's more than that and it's the straw that breaks the camel's back. I simultaneously feel pathetic and also know that I'm carrying a massive load of emotional burden from the past and the present so I'm trying to be kind to myself.

Glad you have got something sorted. There is no shame in accepting help. X

Thisisworsethananticpated
Scorpiogirly
thank you I really appreciate that. Part of me feels stupid. But this not sustainable.

Whispering you don't have to say exactly why. I've told a few people at work I've had a bereavement. It's easier. And it's not untrue.

He is. He knowingly led you on I think. How did he know uou loved him for so long?

@colouringindoors please don't
I know how tempting it is and I did something similar . I sent a long ranty text basically telling him he needs serious physiological help before embarking on another relation but he was probably already with his now wife when I sent it!
He won't have given a shit and anything like this we will just regret doing later on
I had to see the pair of them together at work while I almost wasted away because I couldn't eat until I changed offices to get away from them

God please please don't send that. After 6 months he owes you very little. Maybe he had the best of intensions but his feelings changed. That does happen
You need to delete his number. If you keep texting him you will burn with humiliation when this is all over

Write it down
But don't sent it
And delete all his contact details to stop these urges

Don't send that. People are allowed to leave relationships and quite honestly your mental health isn't his fault. It might feel better for ten seconds to send it but I don't think it's sensible or fair.

I don't think telling people you've been bereaved is really on, either, but others might disagree.

Send it to us instead if it helps