Utterly, utterly, heartbroken

[colouringindoors]

I know I'm not the first and won't be the last. It's nothing new.

But I honestly don't know how I can bear this

This morning my relationship ended. We'd only been "together" for six months, friends for 3 years, I've "liked" him for over 3 years. It has been wonderful. I could talk about anything and everything with him. He made me laugh, he's kind, we had lots in common and omg the chemistry was incredible. I really thought he was the person I'd spend the rest of my life with.

This came after separating from my husband of 20+ years 4 years ago and a huge amount of trauma due to ex's severe mental illness, ds severely ill, dd diagnosed ASD. The last 10 years have been horrendous apart from meeting new man, getting to know him and becoming involved with him.

I feel worse than I did when I separated from my husband. I've been unable to stop crying all day. I literally don't know what to do with myself.

How do I bear this?!

That's what mine said. All the right things. Always talking about the future. Places we will go, thinks he was going to fix in the house...............

Boiledcabbages
If , unlikely , I ever met him I’d know
His mums name
His kids names
His football teams stats
And his brothers entire life
🙈🙈🙈
Crazy madness

@Thisisworsethananticpated it is frightening what your mind can do without you realising.

Yeah
What else can I say
Lesson learned ?
But Also what the hell wiring in my head got
Me to do that about a total stranger

So sorry, it’s the most heart wrenching feeling when someone you want so much walks away. I’ve been there, only together for five months but I was both feet in and wanted him so so badly. It was different to any other relationship I had and when it ended I too felt worse than when my marriage ended or any relationship before or since ended. When I felt him pulling away from me I knew in my gut what was coming but couldn’t accept it. For months after we split I trawled the internet for ideas of how to get him back. Big mistake, I pulled myself further and further into misery. Acceptance would have been kinder to myself but I wasn’t ready to let go. I’m pretty sure he had no idea I was so heartbroken because I was never obvious about any of it but I really wish I had accepted it and worked on getting over him than holding hope. Really feel for you, but I suppose I wanted to tell you that when someone goes, let them and do the heartbreak - my wanting him and hoping for a different outcome led to anxiety attacks. All in the past now thankfully but toughest time ever at the time, you will be ok but it’s HARD!

Opal2022 thank you. I'm glad you're doing better now.

@colouringindoors

I didn't have a great night. Decided to have a few drinks last night which made me feel worse and it's lingering today. How are you feeling today? X

@scorpiogirly thanks for replying. Ah sorry you feel worse. It's hard in my experience the first glass or two feels great and helps relax but then.... i also drank last night and I'm sure it's contributed to me feeling very very depressed today - on top of yesterday's car crash of an afternoon. I saw a good friend today, someone who's supported me and kids a lot over the last decade. Shes been kind this last week but i could tell when i fessed up to contacting him she's had enough. i apologised. she said "it is what it is" and nothing more. i feel like all my friends and family are sick and tired of my multiple traumas. I wouldn't blame them. I am sick of them too. If it wasn't for my kids I'd be gone.

No man is worth that, ever! I have the same with my friend though. I only have one that I talk to. She keeps telling me to move on, get over it. She won't speak about it anymore as she thinks it's keeping me stuck so it's hard. I find myself talking instead to our mutual friend a lot, which sometimes doesn't help as he's obviously in contact with him. I do trust him not to say anything though.

What are your plans for this evening? Drinking really does make it worse. I ended up quite drunk last night, I am astonished that I didn't contact him in my drunken state. It didn't even criss my mind to do so though which is a good thing I guess x

shes my best friend and shes had enough.

it's not just this breakup, it's this on top of the last 10 years and the loss of my first hopeful picture of a future with someone i love for over a decade.

im crashed on sofa exhausted from sobbing. i was supposed to go to brothers but its quite a drive and i felt too tired and unsafe to get in the car

that is def good re not messaging him

I have gone no contact for 4 days and am so proud of myself. Maybe we should have a competition?

wow 4 days! respect! most I've managed this week is 2.5

maybe we should

i know ive failed on the NC and im really sorry to those posters who've been supporting me. i really appreciate it. 2.5 days is what, 60 hours. more than the average of messaging every 12 hours ive done for a year. i just have to last out til monday when i can hopefully talk to my therapist and hopefully get some supirt advice and a plan

I'm on day 9 again now I think. Would have been 18 if I hadn't bloody broken it last week. It soon adds up. You haven't let anyone down by contacting him. It's difficult as we all know. You will get there

well done scorpiogirly 💪💪💪

You havnt failed on the NC
A lot of what I write is for me as well !
I also hear you
Both on the 🥃

I wish everyone a good sleep and no hangover tomorrow

@colouringindoors I hope you don't mind jumping on here, I've just read the whole thread.

I'm also going through a pretty horrendous time at the moment. It's been exactly one week since my partner of 4.5 years dumped me by text and then completely ghosted me. I'm just trying to take it a day at a time.

@starylight not at all though so sorry to hear your awful breakup. Please post as much as is helpful.

I have sobbed so much today and had very very dark thoughts. Ended up back at my neighbours at 9.30 sobbing. Felt better when I left but being at home on my own is really awful.

He finally told me "I can't give you what you want" and believe him. I need to accept and heal. That's the challenge.

No alcohol tonight. Really hope I feel the benefit tomorrow

@Thisisworsethananticpated thanks x hope you get a good sleep.

I had a few drinks earlier, only because they were in the house. On the tea now though. I read your thread starylight. Sorry you are dealing with this too. The weird thing is, I haven't cried much at all. I keep trying ti think of all the reasons why it wouldn't have worked, but a big part thinks it would have if he had given it a chance. Who knows.

@scorpiogirly Hi! It's awful isn't it. I think for me it's not just the way he did it but I wasn't given any kind of reason or explanation so I'm finding it hard to understand what happened. There weren't any signs leading up to it.

@colouringindoors It's great you have a neighbour that is so supportive. I agree that being at home on your own is dreadful. TV can only be a distraction for so long.

colouringindoors

I foolishly had wine , feel like total shit today
So yeah , stay off it

I had gin