Utterly, utterly, heartbroken

[colouringindoors]

I know I'm not the first and won't be the last. It's nothing new.

But I honestly don't know how I can bear this

This morning my relationship ended. We'd only been "together" for six months, friends for 3 years, I've "liked" him for over 3 years. It has been wonderful. I could talk about anything and everything with him. He made me laugh, he's kind, we had lots in common and omg the chemistry was incredible. I really thought he was the person I'd spend the rest of my life with.

This came after separating from my husband of 20+ years 4 years ago and a huge amount of trauma due to ex's severe mental illness, ds severely ill, dd diagnosed ASD. The last 10 years have been horrendous apart from meeting new man, getting to know him and becoming involved with him.

I feel worse than I did when I separated from my husband. I've been unable to stop crying all day. I literally don't know what to do with myself.

How do I bear this?!

Do Not Message Him.

don't do it x 100

Op with the ex who ripped my heart out I deleted his number etc and made it impossible for me to contact him

I think the reasons to not
Message him are as follows
He won’t reply how you want him to , that’s a 100% certainty TRUST ME
He may not reply and then you are ducked looking at messages non stop waiting (ugh ) SHIT
Either way the outcome is shit

Im messaging guys from OLD
And it’s making me miss my ex friend too as he was so lovely to talk to
But no ! Me neither
I’m not as heartbroken as you though

thank you, thank you x

DO NOT MESSAGE HIM IT WILL ONLY SET YOU BACK

Sorry for caps just wanted to remind you in a stark way as you sound like you’re struggling tonight x

Message here instead of messaging him x

I've never, in 50 years, missed anyone like I miss him 😭😭😭

I am really struggling. I feel so stupid. I've really, really ttried to do all the right things. But its day 6 and I'm still noisy sobbing tonight

Also I totally understand, had a six month relationship after a seven year one and the pain when he dumped me was UNREAL. We were right in the mad, passionate loved-up stage too and it was like someone had ripped my heart out, stuck pins in it and stuffed it up my backside. He turned out to be a total fuck-up emotionally, couldn’t commit, kept trying to come back and then running away again, it made everything a million times worse. As soon as we went NC I was able to start the (10 month!) healing process (although things were much better after three). Hugs to you and stay strong x

Pfft day six is nothing. I was practically signing in to the psych ward at six days x

You will be noisy sobbing for a while yet. The sooner you resign yourself to feeling like shit, the sooner you can put measures in place to help manage your grief. Don’t fight it, sit with the feeling as long as you can. It’s the only way to cleanse it and begin the healing process.

loss of this much connection after so much trauma seems to be too much

The begin to work on a relaxing routine. I listened to the same rainforest CD every night and had a calming lavender spray for my pillow and bedclothes. Smelt nothing like the fucker and was a totally new routine for me which helped to expunge memories of him at night time x

I know you’ve had a terrible time, I really do feel for you. But the reality is, you have to keep going for your kids and YOURSELF

@DasAlteLeid

The begin to work on a relaxing routine. I listened to the same rainforest CD every night and had a calming lavender spray for my pillow and bedclothes. Smelt nothing like the fucker and was a totally new routine for me which helped to expunge memories of him at night time x

Ooo rainforest music. Say more!

It sounds like you have wonderful connections with your children and your friends, who are rallying round. I know it’s not the connections you want, you want him, but they are so very important. Take a moment to recognise that and that the connection you had with him was one of many you cherish.

@AndItDoesntSeemToMatter haha this was in 2012, so who knows what CD it was,… it was super cheesy I remember that much! It was my lovely sister who dug it out for me and gave it to me, I was very lucky to have her to lean on, as the OP is lucky to have good friends around her too.

Pfft day six is nothing. I was practically signing in to the psych ward at six days x

thank you xx this is exactly how i feel So sorry you went through this nightmare x

Calm App

the trouble is, he's my person when I feel bad. and he always makes me feel better

Calm app excellent idea. New bedding and a different relaxing bedtime drink (camomile tea, Ovaltine), anything that’s different and starts a new, healthy bedtime routine. This is the bad time, the late evening where you feel your resolve slipping and coping feels impossible. You’re tired and you’ve been wounded emotionally, and yes he was your person, but YOU need to become your person now, the person who takes care of you and helps you get through the worst parts of the day x

thank you. you're right - this is the time of day we'd message x

i totally get what you mean about me being my own person. It's been hard as Ive had, over the last decade, to deal with more trauma than most could imagine x and he took the edge off a chunk of it.