Splitting finances on maternity leave

[Caradel]

Hi,

My partner and I are struggling to agree how to split our finances while I am on maternity leave so I'm interested to know how others have split money when they've had a baby.

Our situation is:
1st baby.
We've always kept our money separate and contribute 50:50 to all bills, mortgage etc.
I'm Employed and will be on Mat leave for 12 months. I'll only get statutory mat pay.
Partner is self employed, no paternity pay.
(We earn about the same amount).
We both have significant savings and so I could continue to contribute 50% but I dont think that is fair. Because I don't want to come to the end of my maternity leave not having earnt anything and having spent a lot of my savings, whilst my partner would see no changes to his finances.

But I'm not sure what is fair!???

There are a few things that make this conversation more challenging..

1. My partner is trying to grow his business and wants to invest as much as possible into it.
2. My partner feels very strongly we should continue to contribute to the mortgage equally, regardless of what we decide to do with the rest of the bills/costs.
3. My partner is very frugal whereas I like to buy presents, treats etc. We've always had our own money so have never had a problem with this difference between us.

Looking forward to seeing how others have dealt with similar situations!

My god as if you should be using all your savings up to finance his baby. The short answer is there is no way you can continue to match what he does. You're going to be a family so I would stop this mentality of his and mine.

We take all of our bills including mortgage and pro-rata it based on our take home pay that month. So the months on maternity where I earn nothing I pay nothing. We are lucky as my partner earns enough to cover us both.

I don't think it seems fair either that you should have to dip into your savings when the baby is both of yours.

If you are not married I think you should finance your own maternity leave if you have savings. If you didn't have savings that would be different. But up to you both to come to an agreement.

How short from contributing 50:50 would you be if you used your statutory maternity pay?

I think treats and presents might have to take a back seat, if your finances are stretched! That could lead to a lot of resentment if you're asking your partner to pay more than 50:50 and then splashing the cash on treats / presents, rather than using savings to contribute 50:50.

It sounds like a compromise of still paying the mortgage 50:50, and maybe your partner covering more of the other bills (if he's able to financially) would be a good start?

If he wants you to continue paying half of all bills etc then he needs to pay you half of what a nanny or private nursery would cost.

All money (including bonuses) into one pot where bills, savings and joint spending are paid from. Equal amounts of personal spends transferred to each of us.

Frankly, I would not be considering having a baby (we don’t have kids yet) with a man who didn’t want to share finances. I find it pretty shocking people expect you to fund your own maternity leave!

What are your outgoings?
Can he afford everything else if you pay half the mortgage?

You need to cut back on treats and gifts.

It's your choice to take 12 months when you'll only be paid for 9 so I do think you still have to contribute your share in those last 3 months.

What would happen if you put all of his earning and your stat mat pay in a pot, took out all of the bills etc, and divided what was left up into spending money for each of you/savings.

Don't forget there's other stuff to buy as the year goes on. How will big expenses be covered, like high chairs, first (and second and third) shoes be paid for?

If you both have significant savings is this not what they are for? When you need them. However you shouldn’t use only yours to cover the shortfall.

IMO you should pay what you can from your mat pay, and he continues his 50% from
Wages. You both cover the shortfall from yours savings 50/50. But you need to be left with the money too.

Essentially you pay yourself what you would normally earn from savings, but 50:50 half from his and half from yours.

It’s both your baby. Then the household situation doesn’t change and you are both contributing equally from your savings. You are on mat leave because he can’t be on pat leave.

He needs to realise that. Technically you could say I can’t afford to not have the income so I’ll take 3 months off and you DP can take the remaining 6/9. You won’t earn anything but I expect you to still pay your 50% from your own savings. how would he fee about it then?

You share the loss of income equally. For an equal decision - having a baby.

@girlmom21 if she takes those extra 3 months, she is saving them the nursery or CM fees for those months though....

Invoice him for 50 % of the childcare you are doing..

Let's say you both earn £1k a.month. your bills are £1k a month. Therefore, you put £500 in a month and he does too. You both have £500 a month left to save/buy treats with.

On mat leave, you only earn £400 a month. You put that in the pot. Your partner puts his £1k in the pot. You have £400 left for savings, so £200 each.

Everything remains fair.

[quote JuneOsborne]@girlmom21 if she takes those extra 3 months, she is saving them the nursery or CM fees for those months though....[/quote]
But she's also not earning anything - so they're another £600-750 a month down depending on the length of those months.

If she went back to work I'm sure she'd earn much more than she's 'saving' them.

I like Kittens approach, as will still enable you to keep your money seperate. This is also how we did it when i went on mat leave. This is his child too and so he now needs to provide for his family while you ate on mat leave
.
Probably also worth having discussions about plan about mat leave, are you going back full time? If so he'll have to pay out for 50% of nursery etc. As you are unmarried please think very carefully about not gping back to work full time -loss of income and pension, and no protection as in the eyes of the law you are just housemates.

As you discuss this with him do include future childcare costs, including the 3 months he won't be incurring because you are taking extended ML.

You need to get this sorted now, don't just fall into you paying half of the bills and all of the childcare.

Speak up, firmly.

I dunno @girlmom21, nursery fees are steep!

A baby in f/t nursery can be £1k plus per month. When ours were little the nursery bill was bigger than the mortgage!

Pro rata for sure, is unfair if you use your savings and he does need to

@RosieGuacamosie

All money (including bonuses) into one pot where bills, savings and joint spending are paid from. Equal amounts of personal spends transferred to each of us.

Frankly, I would not be considering having a baby (we don’t have kids yet) with a man who didn’t want to share finances. I find it pretty shocking people expect you to fund your own maternity leave!

Yes this, all in one pot, all bills and spending money (equal) comes out. If he wants to share a baby, he should share paying for it too!

*if he doesn't need to

@Viviennemary

If you are not married I think you should finance your own maternity leave if you have savings. If you didn't have savings that would be different. But up to you both to come to an agreement.

WTF? So the father takes no financial hit whilst the mother does to take care of THEIR baby? Are you quite sure?

@kitten789 I like this approach and it is something we have discussed. What method do you use to prorata?

@JuneOsborne it massively depends on area doesn't it? We'll be paying less for 2 in FT nursery than people in London do for 1. It's crazy.

OP I agree about sorting finances for after ML now too.
Make sure it's fair.

It's also a good idea to start doing your new ML split now and put any spare cash into a savings pot. That way you'll know it's doable and liveable.

Do you have any bills you pay monthly that can actually be done annually to minimise monthly outgoings - home/car insurance? Tax? Tv license

We do as a couple of others have said, all income and bills in/out of 1 pot and keep equal spending money each. However that spending money is for big things like holidays without the other, all day to day things like coffees, clothes etc come out of the joint account. Have you suggested viewing all money as family money to your partner or would he be funny about it?

You are a family. His and her money is bonkers. It should be our money. You share your resources as a family.

@MajorCarolDanvers

You are a family. His and her money is bonkers. It should be our money. You share your resources as a family.

I disagree. Different things work for different people.

DP and I have separate finances. We pay our fair share on the bills and have similar spare cash.

He spends a lot more of his parents Xmas presents, for example, than I do. I'd really resent that if we shared finances.