Splitting finances on maternity leave

[Caradel]

Hi,

My partner and I are struggling to agree how to split our finances while I am on maternity leave so I'm interested to know how others have split money when they've had a baby.

Our situation is:
1st baby.
We've always kept our money separate and contribute 50:50 to all bills, mortgage etc.
I'm Employed and will be on Mat leave for 12 months. I'll only get statutory mat pay.
Partner is self employed, no paternity pay.
(We earn about the same amount).
We both have significant savings and so I could continue to contribute 50% but I dont think that is fair. Because I don't want to come to the end of my maternity leave not having earnt anything and having spent a lot of my savings, whilst my partner would see no changes to his finances.

But I'm not sure what is fair!???

There are a few things that make this conversation more challenging..

1. My partner is trying to grow his business and wants to invest as much as possible into it.
2. My partner feels very strongly we should continue to contribute to the mortgage equally, regardless of what we decide to do with the rest of the bills/costs.
3. My partner is very frugal whereas I like to buy presents, treats etc. We've always had our own money so have never had a problem with this difference between us.

Looking forward to seeing how others have dealt with similar situations!

@girlmom21. This only works if he is paying the OP to provide 2.5 days of childcare per week. Assuming 10 hours per day, £12 net per hour (the going rate for a nanny around here), that should go some way towards plugging the gap in the OP's savings.

And of course care outside working hours should be split 50/50 too or the OP should bill him for additional hours.

And the OP should enforce it by leaving the house on 'his' days unless he pays her so he can't go to work. If they're not a family unit, why should she work for him for free?

@Santaisstilleatingmincepies

Invoice him for 50 % of the childcare you are doing..

Good one 🤣 see how he likes having to pay for his babys childcare.

Well I'm not much help to you as we pool all our money as a family. But wow, the entitlement of this man. Free childcare and no financial responsibility for the child for the first year of its life?!

We had been tradually merging finances prior to matt leave with joint current amd savings ga accounts and some savings individually. We saved a lot while I was pregnant. We then had a joint money and each had a budget for treats and fun. I would be really repelled if my partner expected me to use savings for mat leave whilst they kept all their money. It's definitely good to habe Frank talks now but best if thry include your longer term goals

I was wondering about financial abuse as well, he’s certainly trying to flex his financial power and control here over you by acting like a twat.

Does he expect you to give this child his surname as well?. I would seriously consider giving this child your surname rather than his going forward as well.

How much do you earn I guess is the question and how much is the mortgage?
SMP is circa £600 per month and you may be entitled to additional benefits on top - I would contribute to the mortgage from that if I could. Child costs are then split ie clothes
food etc

Best thing to do is take a mortgage holiday- I've never done it during maternity leave but I believe it's pretty standard and easy to obtain

Also (and this is definitely going to be unpopular!) there is no requirement to take a year off.....presumably that's personal preference on your part?. Therefore you could return to work sooner and thus return to paying your half of the bills and split the childcare cost with him

[quote 3mealsaday]@girlmom21. This only works if he is paying the OP to provide 2.5 days of childcare per week. Assuming 10 hours per day, £12 net per hour (the going rate for a nanny around here), that should go some way towards plugging the gap in the OP's savings.

And of course care outside working hours should be split 50/50 too or the OP should bill him for additional hours.[/quote]
No because the OP's 'job' is childcare during those working hours.

@girlmom21. But the baby is equally her partner's responsibility so it's only the OP's 'job' to look after him or her for half the working week. The other half, she is doing it on behalf of her partner (and he needs to pay her).

If they were sharing expenses, it would be fair to say it was her 'job' (and his was earning). But they are not... he is keeping his earnings for his sole benefit.

I'm assuming the childcare that you both need in the future will be 50/50 plus all the other costs of having a child?

How much leave are you planning to take?

I'd check what his share of the expenses of having a child will be and ask him to contribute that amount from now on.

Then, factor that into paying the bills whilst on Mat Leave and you make up the shortfall from your Mat Pay.

If you are not married I think you should finance your own maternity leave if you have savings
Why?

So, OP
Your partner is building his business, has fluctuating income, and you have to be the security blanket. And his building a business which, ( if the separation of finances continues) will mainly benefit him.

YOU on the other hand, are taking a financial hit to look after the child that you planned and conceived together? And putting yourself in a more financially precarious position. And which allows him the freedom to put tons of effort into the business. The one which will benefit mostly him.

Yeah, seems totally fair 🙄🤔

Given his attitude to this, I would strongly suggest he takes at least 3 months parental leave (and you go back after 9 months).

It would incentivise any financial solution to be fair to both of you. Also any division of housework needs to be reasonable and can't all be dumped on you.

I would calculate all your household costs for the duration of your mat leave, divide it in half, subtract the mat pay from your half, divide the rest of your half by 2 and tell him that’s what he needs to pay you for having his child!

Given that he has significant savings he can reinvest those in his business and use his wages to support his child and it’s mother while she is on maternity leave like any decent man would!

@2TurtleDovesInARow

Well I'm not much help to you as we pool all our money as a family. But wow, the entitlement of this man. Free childcare and no financial responsibility for the child for the first year of its life?!

My husband and I have a joint account where all salaries go into and all bills come out of, it seems this is quite unusual though! I guess it only works if you have a similar attitude on spending though.

I'm part time and we have 2 DCs, OH would rather me just be able to use "his" pay when needed, rather than work it all out pro rata etc. He understands that I only earn less because I'm providing childcare, doing household jobs etc (that would be his responsibilities as well as mine if we worked the same hours) on my 2 days off!

We pool all our money together, saved for mat leave out of that to make up the shortfall when I went onto statutory maternity pay. We don’t have a lot of money left over so don’t take any individual money for treats etc anymore, although we used to, if either of us needs anything we work out together if we can afford it that month. It works for us and as we can both be quite bad with money when we were younger it has really helped us get control of our finances. It isn’t fair that you fund everything for mat leave, you’re supposed to be a team.

What do you plan on doing for the child's expenses? Who will cover those cost such as clothes, baby classes, food, nappies? Also childcare when you return to work?
If your partner isn't happy to help whilst you are bringing less money into the household to raise your child then is he happy to help financially in the future? Children are very expensive and maybe having a discussion about the future would be good.

@lady725516

What do you plan on doing for the child's expenses? Who will cover those cost such as clothes, baby classes, food, nappies? Also childcare when you return to work? If your partner isn't happy to help whilst you are bringing less money into the household to raise your child then is he happy to help financially in the future? Children are very expensive and maybe having a discussion about the future would be good.

Forgot to add. Whilst I was on maternity and went back to work part time we made sure we are left with the same amount of disposal money after our joint bills have been paid.

For Example he earns 5k a month and I earn 2k, we both have 1k each to ourselves and the rest is put in the joint account for joint bills.

This stops resentment which would be created if one person has a lot more money than the other.

You should obviously give the child your surname.
He needs to make financial contributions too.

But youre pregnant, unmarried, to a man who doesnt expect to have to finance the first year of his child’s life and who is self-employed. None of this is good.

You need to speak to him about nursery fees and baby expenses as soon as possible. You wont be spending the whole maternity leave indoors. Is he also expecting you to raise the baby, finance attending classes, finance clothing the baby? What is his view?

My partner feels very strongly we should continue to contribute to the mortgage equally, regardless of what we decide to do with the rest of the bills/costs.

I'm really sorry, but my only answer is not going to be very useful: get this kind of thing decided before going ahead and starting.

every.single.time.

Hope you can find a way forward that does not mess up your financial future.

Oh dear OP. It sounds like he thinks all the costs should come from you. What is fair is retaining separate accounts if you wish but you each pay a percentage based on your earnings. I appreciate he doesn't have a fixed income, so you could do it for each month retrospectively. For instance, in December your mat leave pay was X and he paid himself Y. Calculate the relative percentages out of the total and that's what you contribute for all things baby and household for January.

You are going to be a family - surely the only fair way is to put all money in a joint account and all bills are paid from that? I’ve earned more than DH and also significantly less whilst on mat leave/working pt etc but our money has always been shared.

My DH topped up my maternity pay - a standing order each month. This continued when I returned to work PT.

Why should you be the only one to be financially disadvantaged?

He needs to wake up a bit! It's not fair for you to pay for it all in any shape or form!
How long do you have left before mat leave?

We contribute a percentage of income and individually and jointly saved.
So when I received a higher rate there was little change, when I dropped I put in a percentage and used individual and joint savings to make up the shortfall. When we swapped over on shared parental leave my DH did the same.

We made sure there was enough in the joint savings for this with both of us contributing the ratio based on salary and both having the same percentage spending left (so it works out equal in terms of disposable income as a percentage of salary)

You should both end up with the same amount of money available to spend on fripperies.
He needs to decide how much of the income his business earns is ploughed back into it (hopefully with agreement from you). Then each pay an amount into a bills and mortgage etc. account. You should both have the same amount left over each month to keep for your own personal spending.
If he doesn't agree to that he is an arse.