Splitting finances on maternity leave

[Caradel]

Hi,

My partner and I are struggling to agree how to split our finances while I am on maternity leave so I'm interested to know how others have split money when they've had a baby.

Our situation is:
1st baby.
We've always kept our money separate and contribute 50:50 to all bills, mortgage etc.
I'm Employed and will be on Mat leave for 12 months. I'll only get statutory mat pay.
Partner is self employed, no paternity pay.
(We earn about the same amount).
We both have significant savings and so I could continue to contribute 50% but I dont think that is fair. Because I don't want to come to the end of my maternity leave not having earnt anything and having spent a lot of my savings, whilst my partner would see no changes to his finances.

But I'm not sure what is fair!???

There are a few things that make this conversation more challenging..

1. My partner is trying to grow his business and wants to invest as much as possible into it.
2. My partner feels very strongly we should continue to contribute to the mortgage equally, regardless of what we decide to do with the rest of the bills/costs.
3. My partner is very frugal whereas I like to buy presents, treats etc. We've always had our own money so have never had a problem with this difference between us.

Looking forward to seeing how others have dealt with similar situations!

OP this is just the first hurdle.

When you return to work what happens? Will you be full time or part time? If you went part time in order to car for shared child he cannot honestly expect you to still pay 50/50? If you are full time he will have 50% of DC childcare bill to pay-does be realise this? If you have a second child and wanted to stay at home for a while would he not be kind and generous with what he has?

He needs a mindset switch. By deciding to have a baby together you have become a family unit. There really is no yours and mine any more-its ours. Some people choose to operate that with still fairly separate finances. But they still operate as a teamZ

Surely if one of you were sick or made redundant the other would step up and sub them and not expect them to live solely off their savings?

Echoing so many others, do not make yourself more financially vulnerable that you absolutely cannot avoid.

As you are not married, then it would be madness to use your savings, unless you put them in to the business as a properly acknowledged co-owner.

If you cannot afford that length of maternity leave, go back before the paid part expires.

Do not sleepwalk in to a situation whereby you are trapped and have no savings to enable you to leave.

Now, if he's a good guy just being thoughtless, that won't arise, and he'll understand why you are not going to wreck your finances for the sake of his. Don't let him tell you that you're in it together as there's no 'us' when there is no legal tie between you.

If he wants you to pay half the costs then he needs to do half the childcare. So, you both work part time and continue to split the bills 50/50.

Say that to him first to try to get him to understand that the baby needs taking care of, and that will have an impact on ability to generate earnings for a while.

Go by his tax return last year as a rough guide to his earnings, calculate your income for your mat leave, and then split according to proportion of income. It's really the only fair way - or perhaps he would like you to go back to work full time while he does all the childcare (ask him how he'd like to split the money in that scenario - just for fun!).

1. My partner is trying to grow his business and wants to invest as much as possible into it

This child is 50% his so he has to take this into consideration. A nanny would be more expensive. He has a financially responsibility towards the child. Just because you're on mat leave doesn't mean he doesn't pay anything. You're not married so his business, although will benefit you both at the time, is his financial stability and won't benefit you in the long term should you split. If he doesn't pay his fair share you are effectively building his business up through your savings

2. My partner feels very strongly we should continue to contribute to the mortgage equally, regardless of what we decide to do with the rest of the bills/costs

Of course he does. He seems to want a child but doesn't want to be financially responsible for it. Work out how much a nanny or childminder would cos, plus cleaner etc (if he's expecting you to do this on your mat leave) and tell him without your mat leave he'd be paying half those costs

3. My partner is very frugal whereas I like to buy presents, treats etc. We've always had our own money so have never had a problem with this difference between us

I'd agree a sum of money you both pay for these types of expenses. If you want to spend more that's up to you.

Tbh it sounds like he wants this child but doesn't want it to change his lifestyle at all. In your shoes op I'd spell out that this doesn't happen. It will impact him financially and will also impact his free time AND he will be expected to do 50% of all
Childcare/rearing/housework once you go back to work which will impact his work also - this also needs to be thrashed out now

Your partner feels "very strongly" that you should pay half, despite earning bare minimum on SMP? I suggest you start changing him a daily childcare rate from the birth of your child. He sounds horrible.

Yeah maybe say "I feel very strongly that you should shoulder the bills while I am on maternity leave as I am taking the time off to recover from and nurture your child"

Op, do make sure you dont get into the terrible habit of buying gifts for his family and friends. That is his reaponsibility.

I would both put say £5k (or however much you think will finance your period of leave) from each of your savings into the joint account. His wages and your Mat pay continue to be paid into the same account and all living expenses get paid out of this.

Cut right back on treats and presents from this account and use it just for bills and child related costs. Anything extra for each of you comes out of your own savings.

Keep a close eye on it and see how fast it's being spent. Once it starts to get low you can have a conversation about whether you each put another chunk in from savings or whether you go back to work.

Say you earn 24,000 per year and you take a year of maternity leave, paid for 6 months of that, you will loose 12,000.. what about suggesting that you cover half of that each.. you fund 6,000 from your savings and he pays you 6,000.

If you are not married I think you should finance your own maternity leave if you have savings.

I didn't realise a man was less responsible for his own child if he isn't married to the child's mother, just in a relationship and living with her and the baby 🙄

Tell him the alternative is you return to work after 6 weeks and he pays half the full time nursery fees and does half of the drop off and half of the care during his non working time (including nights).

That’s a good point actually op.

Whats the plan for drop offs and pick ups when you return to work?
Whats the plan for baby's sick days?

I can’t see that anyone else has mentioned this (sorry, skim reading) but we’ve agreed to calculate roughly our total joint income over a 13 month period that encompasses my maternity leave, and then will split that by 13 paying ourselves the same joint income each month over that period. This means we are tightening the belt a little right from the start but not taking a huge hit at the end.

All income will be combined, we’ll pay joint expenses/bills first and each have the same spending money each month and anything extra will go to joint savings for holiday or home maintenance during that period.

He’ll get extra each month for commuting costs which I won’t have, and we’ll also have a small pot for baby classes, which I suppose will be predominantly used by me.

My partner feels very strongly we should continue to contribute to the mortgage equally, regardless of what we decide to do with the rest of the bills/costs

Funny, from your other thread, he also wants to own more of the house as he supposedly did more "work" on it.

Many men are thoughtless on this. But if they don't wake up and realise it, then you are simply drifting into a situation where in 10 years you split and he has a thriving business, the majority ownership of the house and you have lost 10 years of savings and pension.

I might I have stated that confusingly, we’re not self employed, but by “paying ourselves” I mean that we will be setting aside part of our income from the start of maternity leave when I’m on full pay, which will then supplement the lost income later on so it doesn’t decrease.

When I went on maternity leave we worked out what we both would be taking home net of tax. We then worked out what percentage that was- I think in our case it worked out 60% DH and 40% me.

We worked out all our expenses and paid pro-rata to net income. So DH paid 60% and I paid 40%.

I appreciate your partner is self employed but he must know a rough average of what he earns per month if the fluctuations are smoothed out across the year.

I don't agree with the notion that he should not pay more just because you are earning less on maternity leave. You are looking after your child and effectively childcare on his behalf while he works. Not to mention the fact you have already spent 9 months growing the baby, of which you aren't financially rewarded either!

@felulageller

Tell him the alternative is you return to work after 6 weeks and he pays half the full time nursery fees and does half of the drop off and half of the care during his non working time (including nights).

Oh yes I'd deffo suggest this. It will never actually come to fruition, but it's a good talking point for you both

The business needs a serious look at it.
He should be able to draw a salary every month, as part of the normal costs of the business.
Profits, over and above all the fixed and variable costs including the salary of the staff, are what is invested.
So he needs to work out what he needs to draw a month as his salary to be able to afford a child and a partner who is currently on mat leave.

His money and the businesses money should be entirely separate things. If he doesn’t understand this he shouldn’t be running a business

Having read more on this thread and your other thread I cannot stress the following enough:

Do not under any circumstances give up your career to facilitate his. The kind of man who sees his money as his, expects you to use savings to cover maternity and wont take a consistent wage out of his business is precisely the kind on man who ends up paying zero child maintenence if you break up.

And given he wants more value of the house as he did renovations as you coulnt when you were pregnant I strongly suggest you bill him for 50% of childcare on maternity as people have suggested, as otherwise, without the baby, you could bring more money in

@BlingLoving

My partner feels very strongly we should continue to contribute to the mortgage equally, regardless of what we decide to do with the rest of the bills/costs

Funny, from your other thread, he also wants to own more of the house as he supposedly did more "work" on it.

Many men are thoughtless on this. But if they don't wake up and realise it, then you are simply drifting into a situation where in 10 years you split and he has a thriving business, the majority ownership of the house and you have lost 10 years of savings and pension.

I don't think he's thoughtless. I think he's incredibly calculating. He wants as much money and property for himself as possible while still having things that cost time and money like relationships and babies. He just wants someone else to do all the investment while he reaps all the reward.

OP plan for the worst with this one.

@Viviennemary

If you are not married I think you should finance your own maternity leave if you have savings. If you didn't have savings that would be different. But up to you both to come to an agreement.

So he pays nothing while she's growing HIS child?

Ye gods!

I think he needs to run his business properly and take either a salary or dividends.

But not dip in and out with whatever he needs that month

@Toomanyradishes

Having read more on this thread and your other thread I cannot stress the following enough:

Do not under any circumstances give up your career to facilitate his. The kind of man who sees his money as his, expects you to use savings to cover maternity and wont take a consistent wage out of his business is precisely the kind on man who ends up paying zero child maintenence if you break up.

And given he wants more value of the house as he did renovations as you coulnt when you were pregnant I strongly suggest you bill him for 50% of childcare on maternity as people have suggested, as otherwise, without the baby, you could bring more money in

^^This.

You are supposed to be starting a family, OP. I don't think your 'partner' realises this.

@Viviennemary

If you are not married I think you should finance your own maternity leave if you have savings. If you didn't have savings that would be different. But up to you both to come to an agreement.

This is the strangest post I've seen today.

@bcc89
I commented on this previously, seemingly it's 1950 and OP is a fallen woman who should be sent off in shame.
Only married men should support their children 🤷🏼‍♀️