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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DP Arrested - Trigger warning DV

827 replies

WeyAyeMan · 31/12/2021 22:19

My dp well ex dp has been arrested and now charged with 5 counts of assault and 1 count of false imprisonment against me on Christmas Day, now remanded in custody till court on Tuesday. I'm a wreck and have severe trauma bonding to him. I'm missing him so much.

I'm around 7 weeks pregnant, home alone with our 8 month old baby and shaking in shock. Has anybody been through similar? The fear of unknown is making it worse.

OP posts:

Original poster

WeyAyeMan · 31/01/2022 20:43

I don't really want to say too much on such a public forum as it would be outing but basically the court didn't arrange an assistance despite having five weeks to prepare. Therefore adjourned until Friday. Atleast it's only the end of this week but even so it's infuriating.

Thankfully no more bleeding

OP posts:

Bunce1 · 31/01/2022 20:47

Jesus Christ. Infuriating.

Well look- friday will be here soon enough. You’re doing so well. Hang in there.

Glad you’re bleed has stopped. I did bleed on and off with baby number 2. Was very frightening but I think it’s quite common.

Original poster

WeyAyeMan · 31/01/2022 21:33

Thank you @Bunce1

I cry when I'm angry and I was just so angry I couldn't stop crying, pulled myself together and drove to my friends we had a nice evening and I feel a little better. Atleast it's only a few days.

Yes thank you I did with my daughter too, you just panic when you see it but I think somehow it must be related to stress

OP posts:

Bunce1 · 01/02/2022 10:08

Ah that’s good- and crying is a release. It’s not in any way a weakness.

You’re so proactive and switched on, good idea to go and see a friend yesterday.

I’m at work and drinking my green smoothie. It’s not that nice, but I’m forcing it down

Original poster

WeyAyeMan · 01/02/2022 10:34

@Bunce1 I can't stop crying this morning. Poor night's sleep and I just feel so much pain. I just desperately want this to be over. The not knowing what's going to happen I just can't handle it 😢 it's so tough

OP posts:

ChristmasPlanning · 01/02/2022 15:25

So sorry to read this. Cry it all out m it may help

Bunce1 · 01/02/2022 16:34

It’s no wonder at all you’re so upset.

Have you been able to or thought about reaching out to women in need?

Original poster

WeyAyeMan · 01/02/2022 20:52

They called me yesterday but weren't really able to offer any help as they know nothing either. I'm ok now I just had to let it out I suppose x

OP posts:

13yearslater · 02/02/2022 01:06

Nothing wrong with crying op. When you are out the other side you will remember all the crying and it gives you strength.

You must keep putting one small step in front of the other.
Thankfully daffodils are slowly appearing for a quid a bunch.

Buy some.

Bunce1 · 02/02/2022 09:33

Morning! How you feeling this morning? Did you get some rest?

Original poster

WeyAyeMan · 02/02/2022 10:57

@Bunce1 good morning yes managed to get some rest thanks, I feel ok today. I need to go food shopping today and do laundry 😴

Hope you have a nice day

OP posts:

Moretodo · 03/02/2022 09:38

Good morning OP.

How are you feeling today?

Original poster

WeyAyeMan · 03/02/2022 12:19

Good morning @Moretodo I'm ok thank you. Functioning on very little sleep and I seem to have a very wintry baby today 😴 managed to go food shopping but didn't do a full shop I just didn't have the energy, how are you?

Thanks for checking in

OP posts:

Moretodo · 03/02/2022 13:41

Plodding along here...
I've got to do a top up shop too, am WFH today so will nip up after.

I tried the twining sleep tea, they are lovely! Usually I drink herbal as its good for me, but I don't like it especially.
This one I actually like.
Not sure it helped with sleep though, but I would recommend as it's a pleasant decaf hot night time drink.

It's nearly 2pm already, perhaps you can get an early night.
Not wishing your life away, but maximising time off work and DD being small enough to not need loads of stimulation.

Bunce1 · 03/02/2022 14:50

I hate food shopping! Wats for dinner.

One more sleep.

Redruby2020 · 03/02/2022 15:00

@Wherearemymarbles

Nice men dont beat the shit out of women and threaten to kill them and their unborn children

The man you fell in live never existed and i wonder if at the 1st sign of trouble rather than running for your life life you thought, I know i can fix him.

Sorry you are going through this but I really hope he spends a very long time in jail

There seems to be something within us women where we want to save, nurture, help etc where men are concerned and I am sick of hearing about it, not being nasty as I was a victim of DV too, but saying it as in, thankfully there is a lot more knowledge and education about this subject now and for us to all come together and not go through this anymore than we have to.

Redruby2020 · 03/02/2022 15:07

@BraveGoldie

How are you doing now, OP?

It is really great that you are aware of the trauma bonding - so that you understand that those feelings are a result of abuse and aren't helping you to be safe. I think it's also a really positive step that you are able to describe his awful treatment of you clearly, without diminishing it or excusing it.
You strike me as very strong with a part of you able to see clearly what has been happening.

Don't be put off coming here for support, because of the strong words people are using about your partner.... they are not criticisms of you..... we just care a lot about you and your children being safe and free.

Keep talking to us here. About anything you want. You are not alone and I am sending hugs if you would like to receive them.

I'm a late reader of this thread, but i was going to say the same. For OP to be able to speak with such clarity and understanding, shows how far you have come and your understanding of everything and what it is that is making you feel the way you do, about your ex DP, that is amazing you have done fantastically to reach that stage already. Did you say it was a neighbour who reported things? Thankfully if it was, that they did do that, as you was going to do what I and many others have done, and deal with it the way you learn to in your head, then sweep it under the carpet. Which you cannot longer do. Don't take others outlook on it as being nasty, they are talking from the side of things that they do understand, and that is that he is a nasty piece of work. Forget who you thought he was, as he has showed you who he really is. Don't feel bad about anything that happens to him, he didn't feel bad when he was doing all of that to you.

dane8 · 03/02/2022 21:32

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Bunce1 · 04/02/2022 07:27

Sending you all the best wishes, good vibes, luck and love today.

Moretodo · 04/02/2022 09:13

We are here OP.

Original poster

WeyAyeMan · 04/02/2022 11:55

Thank you I appreciate it

I'm reading, just not feeling well and struggling today 😔

OP posts:

Bunce1 · 04/02/2022 15:24

Today will be hard. I hope you get good news.

Comtesse · 04/02/2022 16:50

Hope you are doing ok OP

dane8 · 04/02/2022 16:55

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

WeyAyeMan · 04/02/2022 17:17

Thanks for checking on me.
Trail in 6 months time. At which point I'll be very heavily pregnant or just giving birth.

I feel physically sick 😢

OP posts:

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