Dating thread 222: into 2022 and beyond

[BelladiMamma]

The rules as a screenshot (feel free to copy and paste them in).

@Daydreamscometrue no… everyone’s so disposable now, treating each other like shyte, it’s not a culture I enjoy, though I know some people are lucky and meet nice ones, to me it’s always proven to be way more hassle than it’s worth.

@Daydreamscometrue I’m feeling the same! I’ve only been doing it a few months and it’s just endless disappointment and disillusionment. I think I was better off not even trying! I am developing a thicker skin though which is a positive

Getting to the end of 222… so for when we run out
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4451163-Dating-thread-223-Fresh-starts-and-love-hearts?watched=1

@Gettingonwithit12 it's the matching with someone, having a conversation and then finding that they've deleted you on the app. It's just so rude. I only delete if they're offensive. Latest experience was a guy that I was chatting to for a week via watsap after the initial match. Arranged to meet and then one day he just stopped replying. I've taken to deleting the contact on watsap between messages in order not to make a fool of myself.

[quote Daydreamscometrue]@Gettingonwithit12 it's the matching with someone, having a conversation and then finding that they've deleted you on the app. It's just so rude. I only delete if they're offensive. Latest experience was a guy that I was chatting to for a week via watsap after the initial match. Arranged to meet and then one day he just stopped replying. I've taken to deleting the contact on watsap between messages in order not to make a fool of myself.[/quote]
I know, I’ve had them just disappear. Or they just seem to want to have endless conversations on the app but no intention of meeting up. It’s so boring and time consuming! I wish I’d never started tbh

ButterflyOfShay
I hear you on the apps and Mental health
3rd time now and I’m doing it differently !

I’ve gone back but with much thicker skin and better boundaries
I’ve lost one already as I didn’t give him my WhatsApp
And one because I think he has a woman !

But as eesha says it’s a way to chat and meet people and flirt a bit

So I’m not in this for a long term relationship as with my sons mental health - I couldn’t really commit to that

Or they just seem to want to have endless conversations on the app but no intention of meeting up

Yeah what’s all that about !!!!
Don’t they want a bloody shag ?
Or just WhatsApp wanking
The latter I guess

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Or they just seem to want to have endless conversations on the app but no intention of meeting up

Yeah what’s all that about !!!!
Don’t they want a bloody shag ?
Or just WhatsApp wanking
The latter I guess

Exactly! I feel like saying mate, what is the point of this. And yes the WhatsApp wanking seems to also be a thing, yuk. It’s just grim

Whatsapp wanking oh jeez Ive heard it all now 😂😂🤢

“Don’t they want a bloody shag ?
Or just WhatsApp wanking “

At least it’s safe sex

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Or they just seem to want to have endless conversations on the app but no intention of meeting up

Yeah what’s all that about !!!!
Don’t they want a bloody shag ?
Or just WhatsApp wanking
The latter I guess

I think some people think of pissing about on dating apps as a thing in itself, rather than a (rather irritating) means to an end.

In the past two days I've had two men unmatch me after a very few perfectly normal messages. My only theory on this is that they are cat fish/scammers and my articulate slightly dull mundane messages are not grateful enough for their attention so they know pretty quickly I'm not spellbound by them and won't fall for it.

Doesn't explain the guy who sends a message every few days, seems totally normal, profile says "prefer to meet than chat" but right now he doesn't seem that bothered to do either. I'm going to call him on it later in the week as I'm getting bored of him.

Currently 21 Tinder matches. One is him, two others just started chatting, rest are mute.

@VanGoghsDog

My recent messages to those that unmatched me were perfectly normal too. I hadn't thought of them being catfish but that makes sense. It's such childish behaviour so clearly there is a problem there in the first place. I find the mute ones irritating too and the ones that send messages every few days but it's all very dull.

@VanGoghsDog do you ever message them first when you’ve matched or do you wait for them to make the first move?

At least it’s safe sex

That’s true , I had a long term WhatsApp wank (what a lovely term I coined there !) for 6 months
It wasn’t all bad !

But as Van Gogh said it’s a bit mystifying
I matched with someone super close to me
Suggested a walk
But when I wouldn’t provide my no he went off in a huff
So my conclusion is he wanted texting setting rather than anything substantive ?

@Thisisworsethananticpated… a long term whatsapp wank 😂😂😂 classic! How relationships have evolved hey 🤣
After a bit of a bad experience I am now nervous of meeting anyone too close by. 10 - 20 miles away would be ideal!

[quote ButterflyOfShay]@VanGoghsDog do you ever message them first when you’ve matched or do you wait for them to make the first move?[/quote]
Yeah, sometimes but I'm not really that bothered right now so I've not been.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I had a long term WhatsApp wank (what a lovely term I coined there !) for 6 months

6 months, blimey not sure I could keep an erection going for 6 months

I come and go on here. This year I have massively built up my boundaries and decided to throw myself more into dating. I’ve been in 2 first dates in the last week, neither went anywhere and I politely said it was a no from me. It actually felt great!

I am however, missing sex so I did text my long term FWB for a meet up, which is today.

I’ve completed tinder and Bumble so may have to give Hinge a try now 😂

This thread is in my saved chats - so I keep seeing it.

Is it awful that I'm now thinking of going on Happn/Bumble or whatever. Not proper dating sites as such though. I do see the boyfriend but him living the other side of London and sometimes working (mostly Sundays but not always) doesn't lend itself to us meeting e.g. after work. Plus I don't work in London anymore.

Doesn't help that last weekend I met a friend for brunch locally in a different area to where I live but there's a local market in that area (food, clothes etc) and just before we went for brunch, I was starving as I rushed out without breakfast and had also been out for a few drinks the night before, so I grabbed a sausage in an artisan roll from a food stall. I was eating it sat against a wall (business not house!) and put it on the side of the wall and a dog passing by suddenly grabbed it (man had it but it was on a long lead) - man was extremely apologetic and told the dog off and bought me another one as dog got it all and then he offered to buy us both coffees from a stall which we said yes to. We all went for a short walk along the market, the man had a friend with him, we then said we had a brunch booking so had to go but the man said 'we will be on XXX common if you fancy meeting outside XXX pub there later on' so we actually did go along later, had a drink and swapped numbers. One is divorced with a child and the other is single, but also divorced, no kids. My friend is single so she's fine but I felt a bit bad about swapping numbers (deliberately didn't mention boyfriend) but she said don't worry about it. The man has though messaged me this week asking to meet up to see a film this week. What should I do?

Re the above - this almost never happens to me and the men both said to us - we wouldn't usually approach women by themselves even daytime as often they're attached but after the dog incident had to apologise and coffee was part of apology. My friend said to me just go on the cinema date and see how it goes.

@2022IamHavingYa

I come and go on here. This year I have massively built up my boundaries and decided to throw myself more into dating. I’ve been in 2 first dates in the last week, neither went anywhere and I politely said it was a no from me. It actually felt great!

I am however, missing sex so I did text my long term FWB for a meet up, which is today.

I’ve completed tinder and Bumble so may have to give Hinge a try now 😂

@2022IamHavingYa - that's the thing with Bumble (what's Hinge?) - my perameters for going out are very local these days - though I sometimes walk 20km to one near big town and I do go to other areas. No way near like how I used to travel about when I commuted for work though!

@Gonnagetgoing

This thread is in my saved chats - so I keep seeing it.

Is it awful that I'm now thinking of going on Happn/Bumble or whatever. Not proper dating sites as such though. I do see the boyfriend but him living the other side of London and sometimes working (mostly Sundays but not always) doesn't lend itself to us meeting e.g. after work. Plus I don't work in London anymore.

Doesn't help that last weekend I met a friend for brunch locally in a different area to where I live but there's a local market in that area (food, clothes etc) and just before we went for brunch, I was starving as I rushed out without breakfast and had also been out for a few drinks the night before, so I grabbed a sausage in an artisan roll from a food stall. I was eating it sat against a wall (business not house!) and put it on the side of the wall and a dog passing by suddenly grabbed it (man had it but it was on a long lead) - man was extremely apologetic and told the dog off and bought me another one as dog got it all and then he offered to buy us both coffees from a stall which we said yes to. We all went for a short walk along the market, the man had a friend with him, we then said we had a brunch booking so had to go but the man said 'we will be on XXX common if you fancy meeting outside XXX pub there later on' so we actually did go along later, had a drink and swapped numbers. One is divorced with a child and the other is single, but also divorced, no kids. My friend is single so she's fine but I felt a bit bad about swapping numbers (deliberately didn't mention boyfriend) but she said don't worry about it. The man has though messaged me this week asking to meet up to see a film this week. What should I do?

Re the above - this almost never happens to me and the men both said to us - we wouldn't usually approach women by themselves even daytime as often they're attached but after the dog incident had to apologise and coffee was part of apology. My friend said to me just go on the cinema date and see how it goes.

We don't discuss people looking to cheat on partners on this thread.

If you're not happy with your relationship, end it.

@VanGoghsDog - well that's told me LOL.

I think I might end things with him.

Gonnagetgoing
Hinge is a dating app
I prefer it to tinder as you can choose answers to random questions , change them depending on your mods , and it’s a more relaxed way to ping people than tinder

So the slow chat guy said he can't meet Saturday morning because the decorator is coming at 8.30am Saturday and Sunday and will be there all day. He didn't offer an alternative.

I replied "you do realise this is a ridiculous response?". I mean, who can't leave the decorator for half an hour while they pop out for coffee?
Anyway, he unmatched me. So much for "prefer to meet than chat" on his profile.

I have two messages from yesterday to respond to.

I might send a few first messages to some of my other matches.

Meh 😑 vangogh

I had an interesting match today
One of the questions is ‘what’s an overshare’or
Something like that

So I wrote something about my sons autism and learning about it

This guy sent me such a nice message about his own autism diagnosis and offered to chat
He was really nice and just made me feel pleased I have been totally honest this time around
Don’t even know if it’s romantic but even as a friend felt nice