Dating thread 222: into 2022 and beyond

[BelladiMamma]

The rules as a screenshot (feel free to copy and paste them in).

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Is there a going-to-bed-early January or am I going to have to invent it? I feel in control of my drinking but I seem incapable of going to bed before 11 and then I'm on my phone forever! I think I'm developing an addiction to TikTok. I'm sure I don't get enough sleep and I believe that's pretty unhealthy. I get up at 6.30 and rarely go to sleep before midnight or later. I wake up frequently in the night as well - this came with the menopause and often involves being hot even though my bedroom is glacial. So that probably makes it even more important to get to sleep earlier.

I think there's a large element of "I've finally got the sofa and remote control"-itis when the DC go to bed around 9/9.30 and I then want to chill out and watch something. I should probably leave the phone downstairs and read when I do go to bed. And stop watching crap TV - although I did enjoy revisiting Seinfeld's Soup Nazi episode tonight.

Right, I'm going to put my phone down and read my book. Every night in January. Night all of you - smitten benchers, overthinkers, boundary setters... 😴

Joining you. I'm the same! Time to stop scrolling.

Goodnight all 🥰

@WeWantTheFinestWines

I'm very similar to you regarding sleep patterns, 5 to 6 hours a night, I do like a warm bedroom but obviously haven't had to go through the menopause

@VanGoghsDog good boundary setting. Also, the guy couldn’t spell a simple word like ‘heels’ right - instant turn off for me!

@VanGoghsDog Good on you shutting that conversation down, and the 'Good girl' to top it off 🤢

@WeWantTheFinestWines I'll join you on trying to improve sleep for January! I could really do with it.

[quote Startingover37]@VanGoghsDog Good on you shutting that conversation down, and the 'Good girl' to top it off 🤢

@WeWantTheFinestWines I'll join you on trying to improve sleep for January! I could really do with it.[/quote]
Let's do it! I went to sleep earlier than usual but then woke at 5 so not sure I'm winning at all. Let's keep going though!

Just catching up on the thread. Interesting to read the posts about over thinking / re-analysing. This has dominated my life and has resulted in some pretty grim periods. I find it gets worse as my "head sponge" gets full and cannot absorb any more. It's like when I don't have the headspace to rationally order my thoughts my brain spots the opportunity and goes in to over drive!!

Does anyone journal to help them with this? I've tried it in the past but never been able to do.it consistently.

Lovely to read everyone's updates from the weekend. 😊

Rubbish sleeper here too. I just can't stay asleep and wake up multiple times a night.

Tees I’m keeping a journal
For both triggers and issues with my sons and , my re-foray into online dating

I also keep notes on phone 📱

I’m looking more for FWB than marriage so managing sexual boundaries is even harder!!!

So glad the strong dry January vibes are washing over and helping others! The best benefits I feel from it so far are more energy, more focus, more money in my pocket, less bloating, but the best one is knowing I’m not poisoning myself on a daily basis because I’ve not been happy enough in myself in a loonnnngg time. Been brain washing myself with MP all week and just been feeling so good since I turned my corner. If anyone feels a bit down on themselves at any point I highly recommend it. Also feels GREAT getting back to workouts after a week sick.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs sea swim just sounds like the best thing ever. If I ever move closer to the beach I am 100% going to do this! Was reading something on reddit last night about these Navy guys who occasionally jump in the sea for a swim and the water is BLACK it’s so very deep 😱 kind of gave me the fear seeing it!

@VanGoghsDog sounds nice you have a new interest in the walking group! I’ve signed up to a walk next weekend which should be interesting there’s dozens of people going, should be fun I hope the weather stays decent.

This was the Navy sea swimming pic 🙂 I have nightmares about deep water like this!

I journal @teesguy. It 100% helps! Especially interesting reading back on things!

@teesguy

Just catching up on the thread. Interesting to read the posts about over thinking / re-analysing. This has dominated my life and has resulted in some pretty grim periods. I find it gets worse as my "head sponge" gets full and cannot absorb any more. It's like when I don't have the headspace to rationally order my thoughts my brain spots the opportunity and goes in to over drive!!

Does anyone journal to help them with this? I've tried it in the past but never been able to do.it consistently.

Lovely to read everyone's updates from the weekend. 😊

Rubbish sleeper here too. I just can't stay asleep and wake up multiple times a night.

That’s interesting - I think my brain might operate similarly… when I’m stressed in general I definitely find it harder to deal with emotionally confusing situations.

I can never be consistent in writing things out although like @Thisisworsethananticpated I sometimes get everything flown in an email and send it to myself, or write notes on my phone. It’s interesting (and sometimes embarrassing ) to read back over these…

@ButterflyOfShay

This was the Navy sea swimming pic 🙂 I have nightmares about deep water like this!

Oh god... me too!! WHAT COULD BE DOWN THERE! . I would really struggle to do that.

This however is a bunch of (mostly) women of various ages and sizes but almost all wearing bobble hats shuffling giggling down to the water.

It's great fun and more about the cold water exposure for me than anything else, you come out feeling completely alive. I started doing it during lockdown and would often go with a friend to a quiet bay before work, where it would be just us and the occasional seal bobbing his head up and down nearby. After a dawn swim we'd then sit and drink tea from our flasks and chat for a bit before starting work. It's really a brilliant thing to do and I don't do it often enough.

I realised this weekend that the half marathon that I very foolishly signed up for in a moment of madness, having never really run more than about 6k before, is in exactly 12 weeks. I've done zero training for it and haven't even run 5k for a few months. ARgghhh. Now sitting here in my running gear and aiming to go out at some point during the day!

Just had to laugh
One guy on hinge suggested in his profile he’d rather ‘walk by the canal’ than text non stop

It’s like MATE - canal
Walk by canal ?
I’m
Sure he’s not a murderer but that’s going to scare women off 💀

@ibelieveinmirrorballs it just sounds like a wonderful way to directly plug into nature at the srart if your day. Especially if there are seals about 😍
I don’t know what it is the fear of the deep dark water. I paint and one if my projects recently was exactly that. It was pretty cool going right into those feelings and fears then getting it on the paper.

I definitely feel less bloated after nine full days dry, I wasn’t expecting that. I’m sleeping better too. Sex drive is even higher than usual! And no acid reflux. I should have done this years ago!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs where I work it's referred to as your sponge. You can absorb so much, but there is a point where you have no more capacity and the water starts to pour out. I now understand this is why it is often the small things that tip me over the edge. It's not the thing itself.....my sponge is just full.

Good luck with your running. 12 weeks is enough time to train for a half.

[quote BelladiMamma]**@curmudgeonly007* @FabulousMrFifty* I'm genuinely a bit confused by your posts. Do you think I've singled you out or been offensive? That absolutely wasn't the intention. Also, with the relationship concerns, sometimes it helps to share a specific incident as it's hard to see in from the outside if there's been something happen which you've alluded to but haven't given the full story on. Otherwise it's hard to help or offer any advice.

Anyway I wish you well and hopefully we can all carry on sharing in our various ways! [/quote]
No, not in the slightest, maybe I’m just not a clear communicator.

But I have got an email from Ms W overnight, so need to read that in a bit

@teesguy

Just catching up on the thread. Interesting to read the posts about over thinking / re-analysing. This has dominated my life and has resulted in some pretty grim periods. I find it gets worse as my "head sponge" gets full and cannot absorb any more. It's like when I don't have the headspace to rationally order my thoughts my brain spots the opportunity and goes in to over drive!!

Does anyone journal to help them with this? I've tried it in the past but never been able to do.it consistently.

Lovely to read everyone's updates from the weekend. 😊

Rubbish sleeper here too. I just can't stay asleep and wake up multiple times a night.

I must be the polar opposite, maybe I don’t think about things enough? I tend to be a “snap” decision maker, and don’t really think about the consequences too much, but saying that I have got into the habit (at work) of drafting longer / difficult email responses and leaving them for a bit them reviewing after an hour or so, just to make sure I’m happy with the content

Generally a Good sleeper though

@teesguy I think the sponge analogy is a great one. Things can get too much and then there's no way of preventing some fallout in whatever form that takes.

I admit I had a bit of a cry on the way to work today which is very unlike me. Maybe January blues, maybe other things. Dating in general has left me feeling a bit fragile I think. Was chatting to MrTattoo last night and he was trying to be a good friend by telling me off, I admitted that I'd spent the night with MrTeacher (I know.) He was basically saying stop tolerating disrespect or making decisions based on loneliness. I think that hit a nerve. We're all supposed to have such full lives that loneliness isn't a factor and I really do have a lovely bunch of people who love me. I know how fortunate I am. So to hear that I come across to a pretty good friend as lonely made me feel like I'm desperate or something. Not great. I think dating was meant to be a fun distraction but has ended up being quite toxic.

@MizK

That's thought-provoking - I personally know I've probably done quite a few things I wouldn't do again based on "coming from loneliness or fear", I'm sure we all have?

Yes, we've all slightly compromised boundaries or "thrown ourselves a bit too hard at someone" or "sent that one message that got ignored" from time to time. So I wouldn't be too hard on yourself, you're just a normal human being on a journey?

I'm the "perfect cool confident independent single woman" externally and logically I should be "counting my blessings"

but of course internally I've had a good cry or felt unloved or like I'm doing everything wrong from time to time - wasn't it Plato who said something about none of us being independent Gods, wanting affection is part of being human?

I recall the situation with MrTeacher was Ok for a while, but maybe it's coming to a natural end now and you're feeling that.

You spent the night with someone you weren't 100% into, it doesn't make you "desperate" . Maybe you want to move on socially for the spring, that doesn't mean you need to regret the past.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs

Jealous of the half! (and slightly motivated, I've just signed up for a 5k this month but might extend now).

I think (from my experience a long time ago) it is a push to get there

but if you're not too fussed about time just make a timetable so you build up the time/distance even if you're "plodding" until you can do 2-3 hours easy, then you'll be fine on the day if you don't "run too fast at the start".

Nice to see a few other runners on here.

I've entered the ballot for The Great North Run today. Hopefully will get a place this year 🤞. My goal this year is to get under 50 mins for 10k before I turn 50 at the end ofthe year. Need to find about 3 mins from somewhere.

An article in the Guardian on ‘romance scams’ and the signs to watch out for: www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/jan/10/it-felt-like-losing-a-husband-the-fraudsters-breaking-hearts-and-emptying-bank-accounts

I didn’t know tech can be used in video calls to superimpose a photo and make it into a moving seemingly real face! And in one of the cases the woman had actually met the man several times in real life when he scammed her. Stay alert folks.

@MizK that’s a great post by @ReturnOfTheBunk. Go easy on yourself x

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Just had to laugh One guy on hinge suggested in his profile he’d rather ‘walk by the canal’ than text non stop

It’s like MATE - canal
Walk by canal ?
I’m
Sure he’s not a murderer but that’s going to scare women off 💀

Oh god 🤦🏻‍♀️ yeah just a quick push and you'd be history, a nice bit of hypothermia after your sexual assault?!

Guys do not realise. I'm kinda bored explaining my boundaries these days. You either get it, or you don't.