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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Why does he keep deleting me and re-adding me?

51 replies

Westmidsmum1 · 28/12/2021 02:05

Will try and cut a long story short. I split with my sons dad last year and started seeing someone else, we got on well and i did actually start to fall for him, it came to an end when I found out he was chatting to many other women and I actually had a phone call from one of them. Not long after I then got back with my sons dad. Every few months since then he will randomly add me back on social media, now this is odd but he will add me on Facebook and then after a day or even less he will remove me again. He also does exactly the same on Snapchat. I know I shouldn't talk to him but I think there are still some feelings there so I always end up replying. We will talk as normal but then he will suddenly change, start ignoring me and then delete me again, until a few weeks or months later when he re adds me. We spoke all of Christmas night and I really enjoyed it, I know its wrong but I do still miss him. But he hasn't spoken to me since, ignoring my messages and has deleted me from Facebook again. I mean this guy is majorly messing with my head, part of me thinks he does like me and that's why he keeps pushing me away, but then if he did then why does he keep coming and going in my life and blowing hot and cold. I want to get him out of my head and stop giving into him when he messages me but it seems like I just can't, I dont even know why I'm posting this I guess I just want to hear others opinions..ty x

OP posts:

PaniniHead · 28/12/2021 02:08

Why aren’t you blocking him on everything? He can’t mess with your head as easily then as you’ve taken control

Ostryga · 28/12/2021 02:09

He’s controlling you. He loves being able to pick you up and throw you back whenever he wants and he feel powerful.

There are no feelings there. He’s not still in love with you.

You need to really boost up your self esteem because you deserve so much more than the rank crumbs this man deigns to give you and you eat them right up! Time for your New Years resolution to be getting lots of self respect.

Block him everywhere. Do not engage in conversation unless it is about your son. In a month you’ll look back and will wonder what the hell you were thinking, trust me!

user1481840227 · 28/12/2021 02:15

part of me thinks he does like me and that's why he keeps pushing me away
No. He just likes the attention and ego boost.

Are you still with your sons dad? You are playing with fire. I would consider what you are doing to be cheating.

DropYourSword · 28/12/2021 02:16

He’s playing games. And it’s working.

Original poster

Westmidsmum1 · 28/12/2021 02:28

Just to add, yes I am with my sons dad so obviously I feel guilty enough as it is. Maybe it's the attention I like (when I get it) as my partner is hardly home and I'm left looking after our son most of the time while he's out enjoying himself. I'm really lonely and don't have any friends to talk to either

OP posts:

snowdropsandcrocuses · 28/12/2021 02:49

@Westmidsmum1

It sounds like you're treating your partner the same way your ex is treating you. There are no good excuses to be carrying on with someone behind your partner's back. End it now with DC's dad and block the arsehole ex

Gingerkittykat · 28/12/2021 03:23

It sounds like your ex is possibly using you as a back up. If he has nobody else he thinks he can fall back on you.

Why are you even talking to your ex all of Christmas night if you have a new partner?

You need to fill your loneliness some way which doesn't involve your ex.

SarahBellam · 28/12/2021 04:23

Just block him and stop giving him headspace. If he liked you he’d ask you out. He’s just looking for attention when he’s bored/after an argument with his girlfriend/when he’s drunk.

NoEffingWay · 28/12/2021 04:25

You have to stop allowing him to add you on facebook-it's clear to me he's just checking what you are up to and then buggering off.

You have some responsibility here for what is happening

Nosnowthisyear · 28/12/2021 04:25

You will feel much better when you block this bloke and cut him out of your life. I don’t get why you spoke to him all Christmas night and then it turns out you have a partner.

LopsidedWombat · 28/12/2021 04:54

Sounds like he's bored and in need of his ego being stroked and knows he can reliably get that from you. This would also make sense in what you found out about him chatting to lots of other women as well he's probably doing exactly the same to them.

The fact that you're going along with it makes me think you need to leave them both and be on your own for a while so you can figure out what it is you really want. You're obviously not happy with your sons dad or you'd have blocked this other guy without much thought.

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/12/2021 04:57

The question is why are you allowing TWO men to treat you badly and then going back for more?

You split with your sons father and then got back with him but he spends most of his time out with his mates (and who knows who else) while you are at home playing nanny and housemaid. Then you have the other guy who is a player and likes having women at his beck and call to pick up and drop as he likes.

I wont tell you what you should do with both of them as I think you know that already. What I will do is suggest that you get some counselling to find out why you are allowing yourself to be treated like this.

I cant help wondering if you have ever experienced unconditional love in your life, such as one might expect from, for example, a parent. Or whether getting the odd crumb thrown your way and being desperately grateful for it is your norm.

PurpleSapphire · 28/12/2021 05:06

You're his back up plan. Every time he falls out with his latest bit and needs attention he adds you again, sobers up, gets back with her and then deletes you. Sorry, he's an arse. Don't kid yourself he's scared of his feelings for you, that's rubbish, he's a user and a player. You deserve much better than that.

vodkaredbullgirl · 28/12/2021 05:27

Just block the bastard.

AgentJohnson · 28/12/2021 05:54

Come on OP, sort your shot out. If you’re unhappy in your current relationship do something about it and stop looking for escapism.

Mermaidwaves · 28/12/2021 05:58

He messages you when he's bored and when he can't be bothered he deletes you as an inconvenience, you don't sound happy with your partner either.

Dump them both and start a life just you and your child, you deserve better than both these mediocre men.

SparkyLauz · 28/12/2021 06:27

Is it possible he is also in another relationship? My friend went through something very similar and it turned out he was blocking her when he was with his other girlfriend so that there were no risks of messages coming through when he was with her, which is why he needs to re-add you every time he wants to talk to you

Majorlady32 · 28/12/2021 06:50

I'm sorry you are going through this. I've been through it..got feelings for an older man and fully expected him to treat me well. He was honestly the most false man when it came to women and social media. He used to use his age to pretend he couldn't block people or add people. Play this confused man who needed help. I remember him asking me to delete his brothers ex from his Facebook for him. I pressed the button on his phone and what the actual ffff was going through my head. He knew exactly how to add, block and delete. Games!!! If we fell out. He'd remove me like a naughty girl within seconds of hanging up the phone. He'd go off for 7 weeks and I'd wake up to a message and a friend request. I was so worn down by him and I was constantly keeping an eye on his friends list. He got into my head all the time. Different stories about different women..deleting people. Telling me women were so inappropriate with him. He had stalkers. He had a friendship with an ex which was also unfinished drama. They were together 8 years and social media drama was a big killer in their relationship.

One thing I noticed was he was always spying and checking up on me. Even when he blocked me he would unblock me pretty fast. He was watching my social media. He didn't want anyone else to have me.

You need to be very careful not to get drawn into it as you will feel like you are being pulled and pushed permantly. It's the worst feeling in the world and one I never thought I'd get sucked into.

Joystir59 · 28/12/2021 06:54

He doesn't see you as a person, just a source of entertainment when he is bored. Block him and move on.

Lanique · 28/12/2021 06:57

Is he 17?

MackenCheese · 28/12/2021 07:14

Grow a spine and block him. You really don't need him.

emailaddressplease · 28/12/2021 07:16

He's playing games. To put it bluntly he probably doesn't like you and it's an attention thing.

The way you felt when you realised he was messaging other woman is exactly how your partner will feel now.

Block him and move on. He's nothing but a player.

Calamitydrayne · 28/12/2021 08:15

@Westmidsmum1

Then I'm afraid it's not him who is the problem here. It's you. Stop having an emotional affair and make your mind up. Either block him and have a bit of respect for your partner or keep deluding yourself.

TinyLittlePandaSneeze · 28/12/2021 08:17

@Westmidsmum1

Take a good hard look at yourself. Is this the sort of behaviour you would want your son to think is OK?

Either block his dad or stop chatting to him or leave your partner.

TinyLittlePandaSneeze · 28/12/2021 08:19

This other guy even not your sons dad

Stop cheating

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