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Original poster

Why does he keep deleting me and re-adding me?

51 replies

Westmidsmum1 · 28/12/2021 02:05

Will try and cut a long story short. I split with my sons dad last year and started seeing someone else, we got on well and i did actually start to fall for him, it came to an end when I found out he was chatting to many other women and I actually had a phone call from one of them. Not long after I then got back with my sons dad. Every few months since then he will randomly add me back on social media, now this is odd but he will add me on Facebook and then after a day or even less he will remove me again. He also does exactly the same on Snapchat. I know I shouldn't talk to him but I think there are still some feelings there so I always end up replying. We will talk as normal but then he will suddenly change, start ignoring me and then delete me again, until a few weeks or months later when he re adds me. We spoke all of Christmas night and I really enjoyed it, I know its wrong but I do still miss him. But he hasn't spoken to me since, ignoring my messages and has deleted me from Facebook again. I mean this guy is majorly messing with my head, part of me thinks he does like me and that's why he keeps pushing me away, but then if he did then why does he keep coming and going in my life and blowing hot and cold. I want to get him out of my head and stop giving into him when he messages me but it seems like I just can't, I dont even know why I'm posting this I guess I just want to hear others opinions..ty x

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 28/12/2021 08:23

So your son's dad is off out enjoying himself and leaving you lonely and the ex is messing with your head.
Time to ditch both of these wasters and focus on yourself a bit more.

layladomino · 28/12/2021 08:34

art of me thinks he does like me and that's why he keeps pushing me away

This isn't it. People who like you show you they like you by wanting to be with you (alone) and treating you with respect.

TinyLittlePandaSneeze · 28/12/2021 08:43

@layladomino

art of me thinks he does like me and that's why he keeps pushing me away

This isn't it. People who like you show you they like you by wanting to be with you (alone) and treating you with respect.

Agree. He's just bored and playing with you. But then you're bored and enjoying it so..
GreySweater · 28/12/2021 09:15

It sounds to me like he is simply keeping his options open. Unfortunately he is probably doing the same thing with other people too. Avoid. Don't waste another moment thinking of him.

spotcheck · 28/12/2021 09:27

Jesus

Block the guy who couldn't be faithful.
Stop messing around your current partner.
Your 'ex' needs multiple women to prop his ego.
You need multiple men to prop yours.
Growing up swiftly required for the bunch of you.
Poor child

SmartCar · 28/12/2021 10:23

Could also be the fact you don't seem as keen as you was before so he blocks you cause he's not getting what he wants

UserBot99 · 28/12/2021 10:25

is he unblocking you in the belief that if you've messaged him, he will see the messages if he unblocks you??? I used to think that. But it doesn't work like that.

I unblocked my father after a year and nothing..................................... doubt he's noticed.

Jenhen89 · 28/12/2021 10:29

You broke up before because he was talking to “many other women”, which he will still be doing. Hence why he chats to you, gets bored, deletes you, comes back etc. I’m surprised he has the time with all these women he’s speaking to. How can that be considered attractive? Yuck. That would be a dealbreaker for me, no matter how lonely I was.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 28/12/2021 11:01

@NoEffingWay

You have to stop allowing him to add you on facebook-it's clear to me he's just checking what you are up to and then buggering off.

You have some responsibility here for what is happening

How can someone add and un-add another person on Facebook? I thought you had to accept someone's friend requests?
Fieldofflowers1 · 29/12/2021 00:26

To get a reaction.

NoEffingWay · 29/12/2021 06:46

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron to clarify, by 'allowing'- I meant to 'accept the facebook friend request'

turnaroundtime · 29/12/2021 14:07

Ah yes the whole part of me thinks he does like me and that's why he keeps pushing me away...he likes me so much he is shutting me out diatribe. OP, if a man really liked you, he would not behave like a knob to you. This is as good as it gets with him. Block and move on. He's a twat. You fell for an image you created of the man. The real man is an idiot.

NowEvenBetter · 29/12/2021 17:45

You keep accepting his friend requests? That would come across as desperate, which is embarrassing for you. What’s appealing about a thicko cheater? Would you not rather do a course at college or take up a hobby instead of this immature game playing?

Original poster
Westmidsmum1 · 29/12/2021 18:15

Clearly I still have feelings for this guy, although for the life of me I can't think why because he is really nothing special and I deserve so much more than the mind games he keeps playing. Truth is I'm just lonely af, I literally have no one, my relationship with my partner is going downhill, I have no friends and severe anxiety I can't even leave the house, and both my parents recently passed away within only a few months of each other, I feel so alone and when he pays me attention I like it, he makes me feel good about myself again, then when he drops me I feel 10x worse. I think I'm getting to the point now where enough is enough and I can't be doing it anymore its not fair on anyone. I only posted here to get it off my chest as I have no one to talk to but some of the comments have just made me feel even worse, I genuinely hate myself enough rn😥

OP posts:
me4real · 29/12/2021 19:19

He can't add you on most things (at least FB) unless you approve him, so you are doing that.

Don't let this bloke do this to you- how degrading, treating you like scum.

Just block him.

So sorry for your losses @Westmidsmum1 . Get help from your GP/consultant for your mental health- go back if you've been before.

when he drops me I feel 10x worse.

He is making your mental health worse. Care for and protect your wellbeing and block him. You'll feel better for it, I promise you. It asserts to yourself that you deserve to be treated well, and that someone treating you like shit is not ok.

Wolfiefan · 29/12/2021 19:22

Sounds like you aren’t in an emotional and mental state to have a relationship at all.

TabithaTittlemouse · 29/12/2021 19:28

Do you want to be in a relationship with your sons dad?
Why did you go back to him?

By having contact with your ex you are as bad as he was when he was in contact with other women while with you. Think of how much that hurt you.

It sounds like you may be better off getting rid of both of them and working on yourself.

todaysdilemma · 29/12/2021 20:23

Rather than hating yourself, you can see it as an opportunity to take control of your life and do something constructive with it. You have options and opportunities - self pity won't help you make friends or make a life you can be proud of. I would leave both your son's dad and this other loser - and focus on giving yourself attention. Hobbies, progressing in your career, doing some courses and self improvement - things that will benefit you. If you live a life where you are so dependent on men, they will never respect you. So dump these losers, and be kind to yourself as you figure out how to be the best version of you, that you can.

Beamur · 29/12/2021 20:27

Don't blame yourself. He's not a nice person and is exploiting your vulnerability.
Block him, you have enough going on already without these mind games.
Look after yourself.

gamerchick · 29/12/2021 20:30

Block him, it's 1+1.

The issues with your bloke are seperate. Concentrate on that rather than look for a distraction.

Toasterandjam · 29/12/2021 20:34

He's making you feel special when he's probably doing the same to other women from what you said. I can understand why you've been messaging him back but if it feels worse when he drops you again then I'd prob block him on everything. Can you not tell your sons dad how lonely you're feeling? Is it worth maybe seeing your gp about your anxiety?

Original poster
Westmidsmum1 · 29/12/2021 21:06

I've been under the GP/counsellors for many years with my mental health problems. I have BPD and with that comes attachment issues which is probably playing a part. I'm not going into another year feeling like crap because of this idiot. Thank you for all your advice he is blocked and that's where he shall stay 🙂

OP posts:
turnaroundtime · 29/12/2021 21:22

When you have BPD your perception and decision making can be a little irrational. It is good that you are getting straightforward advice here. Please do listen and accept that your feelings are not always going to lead you to make the best choices. Please have strength and belief that you are worthy and do not accept shorty behaviour

me4real · 29/12/2021 21:48

I had EMDR for possible BPD traits/low emotional resilience and I think it helped (BPD is usually due to trauma after all, even though I'd mainly only had things like bullying, rejection etc.)

There are also quite a few different things they can try with meds- while it isn't a 'cure' it can make things manageable.

attachment issues which is probably playing a part.

All the more reason to bin anyone who fucks with your head by their behaviour.

MissMaple82 · 29/12/2021 22:15

Block him. End of mind fuck. Simple. He's a player.

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