How did you know your marriage was over... Describe in three words...

[LondonGrimmer]

Or maybe a short sentence. I have massive doubts. Just wondering how others knew...

Abusive, narcissistic psychosociopath

@Nocutenamesleft Yes, thank you, I am. This was a while ago now. I do find it very hard to trust men though. I suppose it is natural - life is safer when most of them are at arm's length.

He raped me

It had got to the stage I couldn't bear to be in the same room as him & the Friday before I left him he walked in the bedroom, grabbed me by the throat, ripped off my pjs & raped me. I was in shock for almost a week before coming to my senses & left him.

@Isabel2021

When l got sick of going round in circles, lost trust and could no longer be bothered to communicate my unhappiness

This is why we are divorcing in the new year. His lack of action at our situation meant I just dropped out, and yet I feel bad !

@Sirecho

Abusive, narcissistic psychosociopath

They are my 3 words too.

So many reasons...for 22 years.

But I put up with it all because I was terrified how the kids would cope, especially as one has aspergers.

The divorce dragged on for nearly 2 years due to covid, him not cooperating etc. ( in Ireland)

Finally happened in November. The Kids are fine so far!! I m literally skipping around, such a huge burden has been lifted!! I m 51, scared I 'll never meet anyone else, left with a big legal bill, but so happy I got out. At least I 've a chance of happiness now, there was zero chance if I stayed.

Don't stay if you 're miserable. I dragged him to 3 different counsellors, same pattern, he d come for a few sessions , then wouldn't, I d go alone. It does help to know that you 've tried everything though.

Made each other sad
Couldn’t get past his affair
Couldn’t be ourselves
Friends not lovers

To go back to the original question of three words -
Alcohol
Money
Work

@EveningOverRooftops sorry what is pegging?

Wow…... to all who took the courage to walk away, well done, be proud and live freely with joy.

@Mol70 wow, 22 years. I'm sorry you were miserable for so long, and so happy for you you're out now (I have Irish relatives and know how hard it is to get divorced).

I'm not miserable or deeply unhappy btw. Just unsettled and wondering if this is it. I think Covid has a lot to answer for, and grief. We are very different people and this seems to be getting more pronounced in my mind. Not sure about his. Between the kids and work and illnesses etc we seldom talk about serious stuff. I think he thinks everything is fine, like a lot of men do.

Ok for those asking about pegging and not wanting to Google... I recently watched The Bold Type on Netflix and there's a bit about this... It's where a women wears a strap on dildo to have anal sex with a man. Hope that helps!

@GoodnightGrandma those three things will be featuring heavily in our counselling sessions I'm sure (if I can find a local counsellor who is doing face to face appointments that is...).

(Can’t be 3 words)

Cup of tea made , sat beside me on sofa (never did that) - “I need to tell you something…. I’ve been seeing someone else!”
That was it - reality dawned- it was over! After 3 children and 31 years ( 27 married) together.

As with a few others I've read, it's just so much better when he's not here. I stay at work longer than I need to just to avoid coming home. I hate the sound of him coming up the stairs to bed knowing that's the end of my sleep or even a comfortable place to lie down for the night. I hope that he has plans to go out and I never ask or wonder where he's going, as long as he's not here.

Alcoholic
Contemptuous towards me
Totally detached from me

@Notaordinarygirl

What is pegging? Not game enough to look it up on google

getting a woman to fuck you up the arse with a strap on.

Each to their own and I know some people are really into this.

Not me. A fantasy, a fetish like that can overtake a relationship and I wasn’t prepared to let my desires become second place to his specific one. He already had toys and what not he decided to show me. He was… heavily invested in that becoming a regular part of our sex life. Thank god we didn’t live together.

Lying, zero emotional intelligence, controlling

These are just horrific.

I mistakenly thought MN was full of people in big houses with their soulmate.

Hated going home

Hated when he came home

The thought of forever turned my stomach.

Wished for a different life.

Was jealous of friends who seemingly were happy.

Now in new relationship. 9 years in...

Love getting home.
Miss him when he is away.
The thought of forever makes me smile, I can't wait for the simple things of going for a walk, just us.

The friends I was jealous of, I am no longer jealous and share in their happiness.

Can't imagine me wondering if I should leave or not....

“It’s what men do”

@TheLasrStraw

These are just horrific.

I mistakenly thought MN was full of people in big houses with their soulmate.

It's awful isn't it. I've just left my abusive H and have no immediate plans to find anyone else but these kind of relationships seems to be so common these days, I think I'm put off for life :-(

I'll confess to having wished my ex was dead, too. It would have saved his next wife a lot of pain.

@kelseypops don't fret! Leaving a lousy relationship is the first step to finding a better life. With DH#2 I'm very happy. Practice makes perfect 😉

@darumafan gosh that made my blood run cold

Abuse, rape, feeling numb

Driving home from work fantasising about driving off the road and dying.

Chopping vegetables in the kitchen fantasising about stabbing him to death.

28 years of marriage.