How did you know your marriage was over... Describe in three words...

[LondonGrimmer]

Or maybe a short sentence. I have massive doubts. Just wondering how others knew...

@cantseeforlooking oh my goodness I'm so sorry he did that to you yesterday! I hope you're getting real life support and get out very quickly and safely.

Grew outta love

Mountain [of] hidden debt

@RedBonnet

Realised I preferred it when he wasn't there

Tell me about it, mine would go off for months abroad and the house would just be wonderful. No walking on eggshells, stressing about his selfish behaviour. Made me actually laugh when he said he didn't feel we should separate because he's happy! Yeah we know sir, your the only one that is.

The wishing they were dead thing.

I had a situation where my very abusive ex came home very drunk and decided to have a bath.

I was upstairs in the bedroom and he'd been making noise etc whilst in there.

Then I realised it had gone quiet. I walked in there and he'd either passed out or fallen asleep and he was under the water.

For a split second I considered just walking back to the bedroom. But I didn't. I pulled the plug and lifted him up.

[quote Merryweather80]@Americano75 no I haven’t had help emotionally. Only two people close to me know about the second. I’m fine though, honestly. They are all I need and want. I just wish I could do more physical things with them, I’m now I’m a wheelchair- because of the first, I just wish I could run in the park or play football with them. They don’t care though-about me not being physically as able as most. They both said they are happy and have had a wonderful childhood and that I’m the best mum ever, I can’t ask for more than that and I’m so happy that somehow I’ve managed to make them happy and let them know how much I love them. They are everything to me.
Thank you though.[/quote]
You are an amazing woman. You've come through hell, and I want you to at least think about speaking to your GP about talking to someone who can help you process everything you've been through. You deserve that.

Ate my takeaway

Excessive drinking
Womaniser
Coercive controlling

Final straw was
Touching my daughter

Contempt, affair, loathing

@Chesneyhawkes1

The wishing they were dead thing.

I had a situation where my very abusive ex came home very drunk and decided to have a bath.

I was upstairs in the bedroom and he'd been making noise etc whilst in there.

Then I realised it had gone quiet. I walked in there and he'd either passed out or fallen asleep and he was under the water.

For a split second I considered just walking back to the bedroom. But I didn't. I pulled the plug and lifted him up.

I would have shut the door and gone to get some milk I had suddenly realised I needed.....from the furthest shop I could think of

He told me about his affair on my 40th birthday.

But I should have ended it sooner, he'd checked out years before and I couldn't think of him without sadness and resentment.

He tried to choke my son, and I hit him in the head with a cast iron skillet.

@LondonGrimmer
I am fine , plenty of real life support , good friends who have known the drill for a while and who are my biggest cheer leaders , also surprisingly my EXdh and his wife who have sorted a little house for me and the DC's without judgement . DC's are having an extended stay at their house to give me time to get myself together .
I will be ok .. eventually!

@keffie12

He hit my eldest son

He had always been abusive to me. When he turned on my eldest son who was 15. That was it. Enough.

I took the 4 youngsters I had by him including my eldest son and went

I say my cos the ex is nothing to do with them. My boys are NC by their choice.

Dad to them is my 2nd husband

Wish I had a mum like you. My mum watched me get hit, relieved it was no longer her and stayed with him.

You already know it's done, this thread is just looking for affirmation. You know your relationship and it's dynamics, leave/put him out/tell him it's over. Xx

@cantseeforlooking wishing you all the strength you need. Hope you have some support. X

@AngelinaFibres

He was an alcoholic but in denial. It affected his ability to climax. It would take so long and I was not aroused so it would make me bleed. I timed it once by staring at the bedside clock and trying to disappear inside my head. He banged away for 45 minutes. I was just a person to wank into. I have never said that to anyone.

Same It's soul destroying isn't it? He has been gone nearly a year now...6 months of therapy & i'm feeling like me again... Hope you are doing well too!

My idea, but massive mistake.

My mum was diagnosed with secondary cancer. I knew she was going to die. He told me that I was so negative. Id worked for the hospice for 8 years. He never supported me.

[quote LondonGrimmer]@Alcemeg don't you do that when kids come along anyway though?[/quote]
Errrrmmmm so he forced me into an abortion "when kids came along" after 13 years of devoted marriage.

So I could point a self-righteous finger of blame at him and walk away hating the bastard, who was also cruel in many other ways.

I didn't, though. I understood him as a complex soul shaped by his environment as much as I'd been... And I left.

It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I've never regretted it.

@LondonGrimmer

Some of these are striking a chord with me:

Happier on own
Easier on own
Don't miss him (not that he goes out often but when he does, even for a few hours, I feel like I can breathe again and have more energy)
No empathy (from him)
Don't fancy him

Not sure if it's enough to end the marriage though. Think Covid, lockdowns, two kids etc has added to the feelings. Hoping counselling will help us repair, for the kids' sakes really.

Yes, that's enough to end the marriage. You should look forward to spending time with him, and enjoy his company. Anything else is bullshit. Don't waste your time. X

No desire to be in same room house or space with him. Didnt care where he was or when he was returning. Felt nothing for him

I stopped caring.