How did you know your marriage was over... Describe in three words...

[LondonGrimmer]

Or maybe a short sentence. I have massive doubts. Just wondering how others knew...

@endofbluenight

When I realised that if the police knocked on my door to tell me he had died I would not be able to hide my relief.

Driving along the A40 from Oxford after a horrible day out. The music from Inspector Morse was on a cassette tape. Spent the journey home imagining the police turning up to tell me he was dead and what a relief it would be. Imagined what I would wear to the funeral. Glamorous but attractively grief striken. Every time that theme tune comes on classic fm I go back to that journey.It was 27 years ago.

To add to my previous post. The absolute turning point was when i woke up naked in bed with clear signs that he had had sex with me. I remember going to bed fully clothed, but blacked out drunk after a rare night out when i questioned my consent he said i was gagging for it. My stomach churned. He had encouraged me to drink all night. Prior to this he would constantly sulk, give me the silent treatment for not wanting sex i had four very young children.
He would stay out drinking every night after work and often urinate in random place on clean laundry etc. Gave up work and refused to sign on for dole and told me it was his turn to sit on his arse like i had for the past 10 years. That is just the tip of the iceberg. Just sharing because all those years i stayed he made me feel like I wasn't putting the effort and if anyone else is going through similar please get out.

Not wanting to get out of the car on the
Drive if he was home.

Sighing when i heard his key in the lock.

Being relieved when he went out.

@Alcemeg don't you do that when kids come along anyway though?

See, I feel relieved when he goes out, but I'm not sure if that's just because after lockdowns and wfh and home schooling and all that nightmare stuff I just massively crave an empty house for a few hours.

He was an alcoholic but in denial. It affected his ability to climax. It would take so long and I was not aroused so it would make me bleed. I timed it once by staring at the bedside clock and trying to disappear inside my head. He banged away for 45 minutes. I was just a person to wank into. I have never said that to anyone.

Nothing. to. say.

@AngelinaFibres

He was an alcoholic but in denial. It affected his ability to climax. It would take so long and I was not aroused so it would make me bleed. I timed it once by staring at the bedside clock and trying to disappear inside my head. He banged away for 45 minutes. I was just a person to wank into. I have never said that to anyone.

I was the same but the cause was antidepressants. Banging away for nothing. No wonder I went off sex.

@onedayiwillflyaway1

To add to my previous post. The absolute turning point was when i woke up naked in bed with clear signs that he had had sex with me. I remember going to bed fully clothed, but blacked out drunk after a rare night out when i questioned my consent he said i was gagging for it. My stomach churned. He had encouraged me to drink all night. Prior to this he would constantly sulk, give me the silent treatment for not wanting sex i had four very young children. He would stay out drinking every night after work and often urinate in random place on clean laundry etc. Gave up work and refused to sign on for dole and told me it was his turn to sit on his arse like i had for the past 10 years. That is just the tip of the iceberg. Just sharing because all those years i stayed he made me feel like I wasn't putting the effort and if anyone else is going through similar please get out.

Oh god the urinating. I had forgotten this . My exhusband would get so drunk he would pass out when he got home . I woke up one night because I heard water running. He was weeing on the pile of clothes he had abandoned on the bedroom floor. When I asked what he was doing he said "I'm having a piss you silly bitch".

She fucked him

Reading these posts is heartbreaking. I am glad you all left. I hope you're happier now and know your self worth ❤ May 2022 be good to you all 💛

@jackiebenimble

Not wanting to get out of the car on the Drive if he was home.

Sighing when i heard his key in the lock.

Being relieved when he went out.

So true. Also

Being Retired Together

He bit me.

Amongst a lot of other stuff. 12 years of hell. Countless beatings, 2 children behind my back, lost my family, my friends…honestly the stories would shock anybody. I used to sit and imagine stabbing him just to rid myself of him. I tried for years to leave but it was easier to and safer to stay. BUT I’m now married and happy ❤️

@Od130990

In an abusive relationship for 18 years only had the courage to go when staying got as scary as leaving. Mightn't make sense to most.

I get this completely. The day I wrote letters to my children and mother and hid them in my desk at work, because I didn't know if the next time he attacked me I would survive, was the day I mentally checked out.

@endofbluenight

When I realised that if the police knocked on my door to tell me he had died I would not be able to hide my relief.

This thread has shown it's not such an unusual fantasy (I've had it too).

Iron. Birthday present.

I used to lie in bed all stiff and tense waiting until he had got up and gone to work in the office/shed before I even thought about getting up. I couldn’t bare to see him or be around him anymore as he was so abusive, mostly emotionally while I was grieving for my dad and eventually physically as well.

Similar to another poster, he eventually went to walk out on me and the kids, I grabbed his arm in panic and he turned and punched me in the stomach and threw me across the room into the sofa.

I should have got out years ago. He literally made me mentally ill. I never was that ill and no longer am.

@Feeasco

Reading these posts is heartbreaking. I am glad you all left. I hope you're happier now and know your self worth ❤ May 2022 be good to you all 💛

I am so much happier, but to this day I have never told anyone except my one best friend and a therapist, why I left (and now mumsnet) . I kept a very good front, I didn't want everyone to know, especially our children, family and friends. They all still think it was me and he is the one hard done by.

Cheated on me.
Abused me and scared the kids all the time.
Gaslighted me constantly.
Took the children and hid them for 2 months.
Made false reports against me.
Told everyone I was lazy (I worked nights and had two children under 2 the rest of the time).
Never helped with the kids unless his family were present.
Threw glass frames, smashed the front door in, threw a knife box over our babies (he was a chef), punched walls, threw food at me.
I am now happily engaged to a wonderful man.

He kept drinking.

He hit my eldest son

He had always been abusive to me. When he turned on my eldest son who was 15. That was it. Enough.

I took the 4 youngsters I had by him including my eldest son and went

I say my cos the ex is nothing to do with them. My boys are NC by their choice.

Dad to them is my 2nd husband

A fat lip

I've mentioned On here before that I was ready to split but needed to bide my time a little longer .

Yesterday morning he gave me a fat lip for taking his bank card to go to the shop , as I have done a million times over the years , still not sure why this time I deserved a swollen lip for my efforts by hey , now I know I'm leaving and much sooner than I thought

When l got sick of going round in circles, lost trust and could no longer be bothered to communicate my unhappiness

He bought a portable t v to watch footy in bed

Reading with intrigue