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DH posting pics of our family on FB and hiding them from us
110

WhitePolarBear · 26/12/2021 20:59

I am quite a private person and rarely post pics of myself online. I'm a bit overweight and rarely like pictures that are taken of me.
We have two young adult DCs (18 & 21) who also HATE having pictures of them posted anywhere.
DH knows this. It has been discussed before.
Because of previous experiences it is hard to get the DCs to agree to any family photos ever.
On Christmas Day insisted on taking a photo of us in front of the tree. One DC specifically said "you're not going to post this anywhere are you?" and DH said not and 'it was just a record for the family'.
I didn't see it afterwards, but was busy cooking and probably was red-faced and shiny etc in the photo.

Today I got a message from a friend (also friends with DH on FB) saying 'nice photo of you all on DH's page - haven't the DCs grown' etc.

When I asked him about it, DH:

  • denied posting a pic
  • then said it was just one
  • denied ever saying he wasn't going to post any of the pics he took
  • said the reason I hadn't seen it was because of 'the FB algorithms' Hmm
  • eventually showed me that he'd posted two photos
  • admitted that he'd changed the privacy settings so that the DCs and I wouldn't see them (I,e, All friends EXCEPT me & DCs)
  • Told me it was his 'right' to post pictures of 'his' family
  • Refused to accept that there was anything wrong with what he'd done
  • Claimed it was my fault for being so controlling
  • Claimed he HAD to do it this way because he knew 'we'd make a fuss'

    He kept trying to argue it was my fault until I calmly told the DCs and asked their opinion and they were both angry with him too.

    I am really upset. Probably less about the picture than I am about the lying and deception. He has done things like this before and we have had arguments about 'white lies' and me feeling I can't trust him.
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ThoseFestiveLights · 26/12/2021 21:03

I feel sorry for your DH. He’s obviously proud of you all and you won’t let him show the world his lovely family!

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FindingMeno · 26/12/2021 21:05

Whoa!
He has completely disrespected everyone's wishes.
That is not OK.

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FireandBrimstone · 26/12/2021 21:05

This would upset me too, especially the fact that your DD expressly said she didn't consent to it being posted, and he went ahead and did it anyway. And then the sneaky covering up. Definitely not OK in my book either, OP.

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R0tational · 26/12/2021 21:06

He should respect your opinion. Blocking you is weird.

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WhitePolarBear · 26/12/2021 21:08

@ThoseFestiveLights

I feel sorry for your DH. He’s obviously proud of you all and you won’t let him show the world his lovely family!

But we're PEOPLE with feelings - not puppies to be shown off at some kind of show!
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WhitePolarBear · 26/12/2021 21:09

And the comment about it being 'his' right to post pictures of 'his' family gave me the creeps really - as if he somehow owned us and our preferences counted for nothing?

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Nanny0gg · 26/12/2021 21:11

@ThoseFestiveLights

I feel sorry for your DH. He’s obviously proud of you all and you won’t let him show the world his lovely family!

OFGS!
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stressedy · 26/12/2021 21:12

my kids wont let me post them i want it to look back on memories when you loose some one in life you realise how important photos and memories are !

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sassbott · 26/12/2021 21:16

I hate SM with a passion. And you have every right (as do your adult children) to say you don’t want photos of you on FB or Insta etc. It’s not remotely controlling, it’s called privacy and you have every right to it. As do your adult children.

The person who is controlling here is your DH. Who thinks his wants supercede those of three other adults who have specifically said, please don’t do this.

I have taken silly photos of my DC and I over Christmas. They let me. Why? I never share them anywhere, they’re simply for us and our memories. I wouldn’t break their trust for bloody SM.

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Sunbird24 · 26/12/2021 21:18

It’s perfectly possible to keep photos without posting them on social media!
If you’ve all said you don’t want your pics shared then he doesn’t have the ‘right’ to do it against your will, and to go to the lengths he has to do it behind your back must be quite upsetting for you.

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rrhuth · 26/12/2021 21:20

YANBU at all, he is completely disrespectful to do this without your consent. What an absolute twat to do that.

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pinkyredrose · 26/12/2021 21:20

He’s obviously proud of you all and you won’t let him show the world his lovely family!

Give over!

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Fadingout · 26/12/2021 21:21

I’d be really pissed on too. I don’t post pictures of my kids on SM as two of the kids ask me not to and that’s fine. They see all those who are important to us in person and the world doesn’t need to see them if the kids and me choose not to. I’d be really cross he’s deliberately disobeyed your wishes and hidden it deliberately.

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Redcrayons · 26/12/2021 21:23

@ThoseFestiveLights

I feel sorry for your DH. He’s obviously proud of you all and you won’t let him show the world his lovely family!

They don’t want their photos posted. He knows it and ignores them. It’s disrespectful.
Why can’t he be proud without involving Facebook?
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maddiemookins16mum · 26/12/2021 21:24

I just find it odd a friend would message about it too. But, yanbu.

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Aspiringmatriarch · 26/12/2021 21:26

I would be absolutely furious about this. I'm also a very private person and if someone knew my feelings and went to all that trouble to hide what they were doing I would hit the roof and not come down for quite some time. The deception is so unpleasant, the deliberate disregarding of your feelings and your daughters'. I hope you can make him understand how unfair this is. It's not about the photo, it's about respect and trust.

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WhitePolarBear · 26/12/2021 21:27

@maddiemookins16mum

I just find it odd a friend would message about it too. But, yanbu.

It was a passing comment in a much longer Christmas catch up message - friend lives other side of the country and we haven't seen each other for years, but tend to catch up on messenger at Christmas.
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Hydrate · 26/12/2021 21:29

He is completely wrong to post pics of anybody against their wishes. He is dishonest and disrespectful.

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CouldThisReallyBe · 26/12/2021 21:32

This. is. not. on.

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Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 26/12/2021 21:35

Tbh my relationship with one of my dc has never recovered started off by him refusing to remove a pic of me on his sm...
Imo your dh's pics of you belong to you not him.
Sorry he is being a twat op.

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PicaK · 26/12/2021 21:39

I love fb. I love sharing my world.
But I would always respect other people's wishes. He's riding rough shod over your feelings like you don't matter.

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SundayTeatime · 26/12/2021 21:43

His behaviour is awful. He is dishonest and disrespectful to all of you. I would find it hard to forgive.

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RoseRedRoseBlue · 26/12/2021 21:45

@ThoseFestiveLights

I feel sorry for your DH. He’s obviously proud of you all and you won’t let him show the world his lovely family!

Yes, this mans wishes obviously trump everyone else’s don’t they 😐
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SomethingAboutNothing · 26/12/2021 21:56

My 9yo went through a phase of not wanting his picture posting on social media, so I stopped posting them unless he explicitly agreed to. Your DH is completely out of order, I would be having a serious conversation with him about trust, with a firm explanation of the consequences.

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Nanny0gg · 26/12/2021 21:58

@stressedy

my kids wont let me post them i want it to look back on memories when you loose some one in life you realise how important photos and memories are !

So put the photos in an album, not online!
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