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Original poster

DH posting pics of our family on FB and hiding them from us

110 replies

WhitePolarBear · 26/12/2021 20:59

I am quite a private person and rarely post pics of myself online. I'm a bit overweight and rarely like pictures that are taken of me.
We have two young adult DCs (18 & 21) who also HATE having pictures of them posted anywhere.
DH knows this. It has been discussed before.
Because of previous experiences it is hard to get the DCs to agree to any family photos ever.
On Christmas Day insisted on taking a photo of us in front of the tree. One DC specifically said "you're not going to post this anywhere are you?" and DH said not and 'it was just a record for the family'.
I didn't see it afterwards, but was busy cooking and probably was red-faced and shiny etc in the photo.

Today I got a message from a friend (also friends with DH on FB) saying 'nice photo of you all on DH's page - haven't the DCs grown' etc.

When I asked him about it, DH:

  • denied posting a pic
  • then said it was just one
  • denied ever saying he wasn't going to post any of the pics he took
  • said the reason I hadn't seen it was because of 'the FB algorithms' Hmm
  • eventually showed me that he'd posted two photos
  • admitted that he'd changed the privacy settings so that the DCs and I wouldn't see them (I,e, All friends EXCEPT me & DCs)
  • Told me it was his 'right' to post pictures of 'his' family
  • Refused to accept that there was anything wrong with what he'd done
  • Claimed it was my fault for being so controlling
  • Claimed he HAD to do it this way because he knew 'we'd make a fuss'

He kept trying to argue it was my fault until I calmly told the DCs and asked their opinion and they were both angry with him too.

I am really upset. Probably less about the picture than I am about the lying and deception. He has done things like this before and we have had arguments about 'white lies' and me feeling I can't trust him.

OP posts:
houseonthehill · 28/12/2021 09:17

I think this is a bit of a 'meh' issue, really. No malicious intent on his part - more like the opposite- and no actual harm done. Just A Bit Annoying.

Aderyn21 · 28/12/2021 09:22

You think actively deceiving your family and disrespecting their wishes is 'meh'? I'd hate to see what constitutes bad in your house!

houseonthehill · 28/12/2021 11:50

I think more serious versions of that would be seen as Bad. In the end, he put up a family Christmas photo on SM. It's a gentle fault. No reason to be fummin etc

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 28/12/2021 11:54

@houseonthehill

I think more serious versions of that would be seen as Bad. In the end, he put up a family Christmas photo on SM. It's a gentle fault. No reason to be fummin etc
But it shows what is important to him. Projecting a false narrative to people for likes is more important than his wife’s and children’s wishes of privacy.
girlmom21 · 28/12/2021 12:16

@Snowsaurus

If nothing else. has he not heard of gdpr? It’s your choice what you want to put out there.
Fucking GDPR ffs 😂😂😂😂😂😂
invisiblereally · 28/12/2021 12:21

Your DH is an idiot to violate your and DCs trust and to reheated my lie about it. He was deceptive to change Fb settings to post photos if you despite promising he wouldn't

The natural consequence will be that is the last photo your adult DC and you will let him take. As you can't trust him. So now he gets no more photos nor is sent photos of you. That's why he's an idiot.

invisiblereally · 28/12/2021 12:21

*to repeatedly lie about it
(Not "reheated my lie"!!)

Gildedbrooks · 28/12/2021 12:49

@houseonthehill I'm with you. This is a vanity issue plain and simple and if it's all OP has to worry about then things aren't too bad at all. Don't get me wrong I've put weight on too and HATE with a passion photos being shared of me by my daughter on SM but she loves me and I love her and if she wants to show her mum off and sees something worth showing off in me...that matters more than my vanity.

UserBot99 · 28/12/2021 12:52

he shouldn't have posted it given your wishes, but i feel sorry for him. his wish to share the picture just gets trumped. I wonder why you think a picture of a family around a tree is so embarrassing. It is the opposite of embarrassing to him.

LaBellina · 28/12/2021 12:53

He disrespects your wishes and entitlement to privacy and then lies about it as well.
He’s a dick & Yanbu

Aderyn21 · 28/12/2021 12:53

His 'likes' on social media more than his family's discomfort.
It not the sharing which is the problem - it's the 'fuck you, I'll do as I please and hide it from you', which is the issue.
Complete lack of respect

SportsMother · 28/12/2021 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IncompleteSenten · 28/12/2021 13:07

@stressedy

my kids wont let me post them i want it to look back on memories when you loose some one in life you realise how important photos and memories are !
Keep them on your PC, the cloud, print them out

You don't have to show other people's photos on FB for them to exist and you be able to view them.

RedBonnet · 28/12/2021 13:07

Dishonest, disrespectful, doing what he wants regardless of the wishes and feelings of those he 'loves'. I would be long gone.

Gildedbrooks · 28/12/2021 14:31

@redbonnet you'd be long gone over a photo ??? 😂 Fuck me.

RedBonnet · 28/12/2021 15:47

[quote Gildedbrooks]@redbonnet you'd be long gone over a photo ??? 😂 Fuck me.[/quote]
It's not over a photo ffs it could be over anything that conveys such disrespectful, lying, sneaky, dishonest behaviour towards those he's supposed to love. So excuse me for having boundaries 🙄

FictionalCharacter · 28/12/2021 15:52

He did exactly what you asked him not to, and lied repeatedly? He’s completely untrustworthy.

@stressedy That’s irrelevant. You can keep photos without publishing them on Facebook.

WhatTheFuckingFuck123 · 28/12/2021 15:55

Fucking Facebook. Hate it, causes absolutely nothing but drama.

RantyAunty · 28/12/2021 16:09

I don't think it's wrong for him to want to post a couple pics of family on his sm.

Your aversion to photos and your poor self-image is your issue. I hope you didnt push those same views onto your DC while growing up.

Maybe you should get counselling to work on your poor self-image instead of berating your DH for wanting to do something normal.
I completely understand why he hid it from you.

FictionalCharacter · 28/12/2021 16:10

@RantyAunty

I don't think it's wrong for him to want to post a couple pics of family on his sm.

Your aversion to photos and your poor self-image is your issue. I hope you didnt push those same views onto your DC while growing up.

Maybe you should get counselling to work on your poor self-image instead of berating your DH for wanting to do something normal.
I completely understand why he hid it from you.

No, her poor self image isn’t the issue. His repeated lying and disrespecting her wishes are the issue,
Bitofachinwag · 28/12/2021 16:12

@UserBot99

he shouldn't have posted it given your wishes, but i feel sorry for him. his wish to share the picture just gets trumped. I wonder why you think a picture of a family around a tree is so embarrassing. It is the opposite of embarrassing to him.
The reason doesn't matter. The OP and her children said no. That's all that matters.
Fl0w3ry · 28/12/2021 16:12

I would be angry too.
People seem to generally have the opinion that if a photo of something doesnt appear on SM then it isn’t happening. Some people have this desperate need to prove every aspect of their life exists with a photo on SM.
Also, the fact people these days think they won’t be able to look back on memories if it’s not on SM is ridiculous - they can be stored on the cloud, printed, stored on discs.
The reality is most people post photos on social media for comments, likes, attention and to show off.
I hate fb and instagram with a passion so I’m probably very biased in my opinion! Grin but I agree with you, he was bang out of order.

Bitofachinwag · 28/12/2021 16:13

@RantyAunty

I don't think it's wrong for him to want to post a couple pics of family on his sm.

Your aversion to photos and your poor self-image is your issue. I hope you didnt push those same views onto your DC while growing up.

Maybe you should get counselling to work on your poor self-image instead of berating your DH for wanting to do something normal.
I completely understand why he hid it from you.

You might think it's "normal" to post photos of other people online. I don't.
Aderyn21 · 28/12/2021 16:27

Her self image is her business - it's not for her husband to totally disregard how she feels and do whatever the fuck he wants, regardless! It's a family photo - if 3 out of 4 members of the family don't want it posted, why does the remaining one person get to overrule them? And then lie

Gildedbrooks · 28/12/2021 16:40

@RedBonnet you're making a Christmas photo of a family about boundaries. I'll excuse you for having boundaries of course, but the ludicrous sanctimonious nature of your tone? Less defensible. But we can agree to disagree , that's the beauty of this 😊

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