DH posting pics of our family on FB and hiding them from us

[WhitePolarBear]

I am quite a private person and rarely post pics of myself online. I'm a bit overweight and rarely like pictures that are taken of me.
We have two young adult DCs (18 & 21) who also HATE having pictures of them posted anywhere.
DH knows this. It has been discussed before.
Because of previous experiences it is hard to get the DCs to agree to any family photos ever.
On Christmas Day insisted on taking a photo of us in front of the tree. One DC specifically said "you're not going to post this anywhere are you?" and DH said not and 'it was just a record for the family'.
I didn't see it afterwards, but was busy cooking and probably was red-faced and shiny etc in the photo.

Today I got a message from a friend (also friends with DH on FB) saying 'nice photo of you all on DH's page - haven't the DCs grown' etc.

When I asked him about it, DH:

• denied posting a pic
• then said it was just one
• denied ever saying he wasn't going to post any of the pics he took
• said the reason I hadn't seen it was because of 'the FB algorithms'
• eventually showed me that he'd posted two photos
• admitted that he'd changed the privacy settings so that the DCs and I wouldn't see them (I,e, All friends EXCEPT me & DCs)
• Told me it was his 'right' to post pictures of 'his' family
• Refused to accept that there was anything wrong with what he'd done
• Claimed it was my fault for being so controlling
• Claimed he HAD to do it this way because he knew 'we'd make a fuss'

He kept trying to argue it was my fault until I calmly told the DCs and asked their opinion and they were both angry with him too.

I am really upset. Probably less about the picture than I am about the lying and deception. He has done things like this before and we have had arguments about 'white lies' and me feeling I can't trust him.

[billy1966]

He sounds like such a dishonest, dishonourable person.

OP, I can absolutely imagine this changing how you might feel about someone.

Lots of people don't want a social media presence.

I have FB and Instagram as do my children but we don't post anything at all.

My children are very disinterested in posting pictures of themselves and I certainly have never posted any images of them.

This is not unusual.

[Aderyn21]

Gilda he didn't have to lie, he chose to. Things to feel proud of are good relationships with his wife and children, not the likes he gets on fb. He's got his priorities all arse about face

[smellooo]

I also think that your lack of confidence has clearly been passed on to your children. You can deny it all you like, but I guarantee that your behaviour (unintentionally of course) will have made them how they are.

I say that as someone who picked up unhealthy behaviours about image from my own mum, I am very careful not to pass that onto my own daughters.

[Pantsomime]

It doesn’t matter why you don’t want them posting, the fact is you asked not to have them posted. He thinks looking like a wonderful family to the outside world is better than the reality of the 3 subjects in the photo being furious- he’s a fool and a twat and you deserve better. You are all right to be incandescent- the damage is done but the 3 of you demand he take both images down and do not rest until he has

[Aderyn21]

Maybe the kids would have more self confidence if their dad didn't trample all over them?

[LiveintheNow]

Narcissist's Prayer

That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.

From the OP

When I asked him about it, DH:

• denied posting a pic
• then said it was just one
• denied ever saying he wasn't going to post any of the pics he took
• said the reason I hadn't seen it was because of 'the FB algorithms'
• eventually showed me that he'd posted two photos
• admitted that he'd changed the privacy settings so that the DCs and I wouldn't see them (I,e, All friends EXCEPT me & DCs)
• Told me it was his 'right' to post pictures of 'his' family
• Refused to accept that there was anything wrong with what he'd done
• Claimed it was my fault for being so controlling
• Claimed he HAD to do it this way because he knew 'we'd make a fuss'

[Aderyn21]

Excellent post Live

[AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken]

Perfect @LiveintheNow

[EmmasMum12]

I've said this before on MN.... why do people express such surprise that person A has done something which person A has done before?

Your DH has form for being deceitful and sneaky, for lying and being disrespectful

And yet you're surprised that he's done it again

Heads up - he'll do it again at some point in the future

What can you do about it? Not much, I'd suggest. If he's so determined to disrespect your wishes that he uses zoom camera lenses, how can you stop him ?

For me, this continued utter lack of care and love would be the end for me. I would end the marriage

I feel so sorry for your children. DH doesn't always have to be your husband but he'll always be their father 😔

[DuvetHugger]

I think you're being petty. Its a photo