Why do men always suggest going for walks as a first date?

[Marble2021]

This has happened to me a lot. Guys always want to go for a walk as the first date. I completely understand this during lockdown when nowhere is open, but even when we weren't in lockdown and all bars and restaurants were open, they still wanted to go on a walk as a first date. When I suggest meeting at a bar instead, they don't seem to want to. By the way, they are definitely suggesting a date, not just a friendly meet up. Anyone got any ideas as to why they always suggest going to a walk around the streets as a first date?

And no nothing like mars venus . I could t stand that . More about female empowerment and making staff decisions around men , after all as a woman , chances are you’ll have a lot more to lose than they will if things go shit

Worked for us- now my hubby

I will check it out, out of interest.

Seems v strange concept to me, interested.

Smart dating? I mean obv not getting with arsehole or weirdo etc good.

But... Women expected to look great? Weren't they always if in certain circles/ groups.
What does look great even mean?
Why apparently vital rather than fancying, enjoying company?
And the fact that blokes (in real life) tend to make a serious effort how look for dates?
I mean woman has to make effort to 'look great' man irrelevant? Not true.

And what is looking great anyway for a woman?

Looking comfy relaxed and confident?

Looking like what she is, a woman who isn't interested in getting done up, because of lifestyle interests.. that man shares?

Looking great in own style.. not mainstream?

Looking like woman who did minimum tidy up after digging allotment, looking at sheep feet probs vet came? Stomping for miles with dogs, zooming on motorbike ride out, last call out as police officer got involved so quick change out?

What is 'looking great' for women, on a date? What does that actually mean?

Yes yes to so many useless men.

Women getting strategy stuff about weeding out the wankers.

Again, it's all in us.

There's nothing empowering about reading this that about money looks smart think read act .. for women.

Again we're groping around individually to try not to get fucked over by someone else.

I know these things are useful for plenty women who have been fucked over and don't want to make same mistake.

But in the end. It's all on us AGAIN. To avoid, keep ourselves safe, from men who are horrible.

While blokes don't change and social norms pressure doesn't change and we still are the ones who do pregnancy birth etc which is when loads of men start being bastards... Because... Way harder for woman to say fuck off.

@CheeseMmmm

I will check it out, out of interest.

Seems v strange concept to me, interested.

Smart dating? I mean obv not getting with arsehole or weirdo etc good.

But... Women expected to look great? Weren't they always if in certain circles/ groups.
What does look great even mean?
Why apparently vital rather than fancying, enjoying company?
And the fact that blokes (in real life) tend to make a serious effort how look for dates?
I mean woman has to make effort to 'look great' man irrelevant? Not true.

And what is looking great anyway for a woman?

Looking comfy relaxed and confident?

Looking like what she is, a woman who isn't interested in getting done up, because of lifestyle interests.. that man shares?

Looking great in own style.. not mainstream?

Looking like woman who did minimum tidy up after digging allotment, looking at sheep feet probs vet came? Stomping for miles with dogs, zooming on motorbike ride out, last call out as police officer got involved so quick change out?

What is 'looking great' for women, on a date? What does that actually mean?

My point about ‘looking great ‘ is about the types of things women are typically expected to do for dates . It’s not unreasonable to think most men would be far more interested in women who have hair and makeup ( even if it looks like no makeup ) nice clothing , shaved body , nails etc All of this costs a lot more and takes a lot more effort than having a shave and a ironed shift and pants that many men do You can say it’s not different for men and women and on rare occasions there may be men who put in ad much effort as women but it will lost Lilley be the expception to the rule and cheaper for them too Things like women clothing , hairdressing etc are more expensive for women , Sure women can go against the grain and do nothing but when I say expectation she will be competitive in the dating field against women who are doing those things abd believe it or not many men expect a woman who’s hair doesn’t have roots growing out and not cut for ages and zero makeup or skincare - all costs money all takes time ! And he wants to save by going on a walk lol

@CheeseMmmm

Yes yes to so many useless men.

Women getting strategy stuff about weeding out the wankers.

Again, it's all in us.

There's nothing empowering about reading this that about money looks smart think read act .. for women.

Again we're groping around individually to try not to get fucked over by someone else.

I know these things are useful for plenty women who have been fucked over and don't want to make same mistake.

But in the end. It's all on us AGAIN. To avoid, keep ourselves safe, from men who are horrible.

While blokes don't change and social norms pressure doesn't change and we still are the ones who do pregnancy birth etc which is when loads of men start being bastards... Because... Way harder for woman to say fuck off.

Not good enough to say it’s all on us Men have to be made responsible for changing and fds is not just about helping women make good choices , I’m not oooimg for anyone I’m partnered but I read it and many do because it keeps wome aware and informed for the types of behaviours that are happening , OFTEN We , many of us have daughters and sons . Everyone plays a part in changing these social issues not just women looking for partners

I do agree that many men feel it’s harder for women to say guck off wince they have kids .
The whole fds is a lot more than just how to choose someone it’s more about awareness around these types of issues and I was probably being too narrow in saying it’s about making good choices when that’s only part of it

Um I wore walking boots and waterproofs, the forecast was a bit dodgy and it was a proper walk.

Teal I think we're coming from the same place. Agree with your posts and yes things to kind of, work to reset the massive impact of female socialisation are needed.

In the end though it's a really difficult change given the depth and ubiquitous nature of the constant, heavily pushed messages to girls women (and men boys) about how it is ..

In general yes great for anything that assists any woman from getting away from it all.

Overall though nothing changes societally.

With so much stuff.
Lots of men doing all sorts of things from minor to fucking awful.
Well that's men for you nothing can be done.
Onus then is on individual girls women to do xyzabc etc. To look after themselves.

Yes individual great.
Man goes and finds woman/ girl more vulnerable.

Nothing changes.

And it's always how can any woman let this happen? Why did she make this mistake? What is she lacking? To get in situation where man could do .. whatever?

On same page for sure.
Different angles, I think both important.

@CheeseMmmm

Teal I think we're coming from the same place. Agree with your posts and yes things to kind of, work to reset the massive impact of female socialisation are needed.

In the end though it's a really difficult change given the depth and ubiquitous nature of the constant, heavily pushed messages to girls women (and men boys) about how it is ..

In general yes great for anything that assists any woman from getting away from it all.

Overall though nothing changes societally.

With so much stuff.
Lots of men doing all sorts of things from minor to fucking awful.
Well that's men for you nothing can be done.
Onus then is on individual girls women to do xyzabc etc. To look after themselves.

Yes individual great.
Man goes and finds woman/ girl more vulnerable.

Nothing changes.

And it's always how can any woman let this happen? Why did she make this mistake? What is she lacking? To get in situation where man could do .. whatever?

On same page for sure.
Different angles, I think both important.

Yes I agree cheesemmmm and now I must go get a snack , hour fantastic name has triggered a hankering for some cheese

@CheeseMmmm female dating strategy is about putting yourself first, focusing on safety in dating and finding what you want in a partner and working out how to weed out the guys who expect you to pay 50-50 but provide all the emotional labour plus the majority of the housework and child care.

So it’s very women centred, supportive and promotes financial independence, healthy relationships and a preference for being single rather than settling. Definitely worth checking out

@gelatodipistacchio

I also listen to FDS and I've come around to the view that men should see you as valuable and make an effort - which would mean walk dates are a no. It really is low effort.

I agree with comment about effort but not “valuable”, sounds like someone is being really mercenary, “it will cost you £100 to take me on a first date”, that’s awful, if what FDS means, I gladly avoid anyone like that, leave those women to the suckers with more money then common sense

how to weed out the guys who expect you to pay 50-50

If this was just a1st date, anyone who wouldn’t go 50:50 can be chucked back in the sea with all the other freeloaders

They don’t? I’ve recently started dating, have been on three first dates, all in nice pubs/coffee shops. Most recent one turned from coffee into lunch into six hours later it’s getting dark!

Venturing back on this thread. It’s nice to see that there have been a few posts confirming what a walk date actually is: shit.

Men date differently to women. They cast a wide net. Asking a woman for a walk means that he wants to screen you ‘for free’. See you up close, have a bit of a chat- no commitment. Some women with zero standards will actually allow their relationship to become more intimate after getting dragged around the park- and then it will become Netflix and a takeaway at his. And we all know where that leads.

By asking you on a cheap walk date- he is telling you that you are not worth a proper date. Nothing in your profile is grabbing him, he’s not dazzling attracted to you, he just wants to screen you- and see. And to assess how chill and ‘low effort’ you are themselves. They don’t think ‘wow what a down to earth gal meeting me for a walk and not demanding a fAnCY dInNeR’ - they think ‘oh, she’s keen to meet me’.

The women whose profile grabs them- who they start day dreaming about, will get a proper date. It might be her profession, her chat, her looks- he won’t want to screen her and keep her as fallback girl. He will want to impress her.

Walk dates turn into relationships- sure. But it’s just going to be downhill from there. If you don’t set the tone for romance, then you are going to be another upset MN on Christmas Day bemoaning that you wrapped everyone’s presents and sorted out the whole family and you got a body scrub bought the night before.

A proper date does not need to be a fancy dinner bought by him. Hell, you can go 50/50 if you feel THAT uncomfortable someone treating you to something nice because they fancy you. It might be drinks in a bookings-only cocktail bar. It might be a cute tea shop with nice cakes. It might be a walk (!) but in a botanical garden where he arranges the tickets.

Dating is about men demonstrating thought and value in your life. If you tolerate low effort, wide-net bullshit and drop your knickers over this fuckery- you might get a boyfriend out of it….but you’ll also be in a relationship where you are mummy and the organiser of everything.

A man who doesn’t want to impress you at first meeting ain’t going to be impressing you in 2 years.

I’ve always suggested a walk as a first date, not because I want to save money but because I love walking and find it less intense to talk than being face to face immediately. We stop at a cafe and sit also.

@suprima you have said that men date differently from women, but the way you've described for men is the way that I date. I cast a wide net. I screen men on a 'date zero' cheap or free date before I decide to go out for dinner or evening with them.

I am an active participant in my own dating life.

Like a pp said, I'm not an ornament waiting to be taken off a shelf. Neither is sex with me a prize that needs to be won by the highest bidder with champagne and a "bookings only cocktail bar" (lol).

@Pinkbonbon

I don't think men realise how much money women can spend dating.

I mean I'm not a hair and nails and makeup kinda girl but I've defo spent 100 quid on a date outfit in the past. Not for every date of course but maybe for particular ppl I feel really excited about. It's silly of course but just an example that women can spend more than the date cost before the date even happens. Not to mention the effort put in to look our best.

Not to say he couldn't have invested in a back sack and crack too of course. But I disagree with anyone that says dating is always more costly for men. Even the ones who put their hand in their pockets.

Yes, but if the date doesn't work out, you still have a nice outfit to wear out again on other occasions/outings/dates.

It's costly for both men and women, especially if it's taking some time to find someone compatible.

[quote Jennifer2r]@suprima you have said that men date differently from women, but the way you've described for men is the way that I date. I cast a wide net. I screen men on a 'date zero' cheap or free date before I decide to go out for dinner or evening with them.

I am an active participant in my own dating life.

Like a pp said, I'm not an ornament waiting to be taken off a shelf. Neither is sex with me a prize that needs to be won by the highest bidder with champagne and a "bookings only cocktail bar" (lol).[/quote]
I didn’t have time to do this (nor would I want to) Going out with a slew of internet randoms for coffee and walks in the park would have directed time from my studies, hobbies and my own social life. I have no interest in meeting ‘potentials’ for a screen date when my time is so precious. I only saw serious prospects.

If a man asked me out (I don’t chase men), I would internet stalk, allow for a bit of texting if a date had been firmly set, checked LinkedIn to make sure they were who they said there were and then a video chat to check for any chemistry. Then I would choose to attend the date.

Nothing ornamental here- and it worked very well and quickly for me. Beautiful home with a very romantic man, who I am still very much an equal partner with despite wanting to date properly

You can sneer at dating this way- but when you are picky and hold yourself in high regard, you don’t end up shuffling around in the cold on time consuming date zeros with lacklustre men.

Suprima
Venturing back on this thread. It’s nice to see that there have been a few posts confirming what a walk date actually is: shit.

For some people its shit, others would quite like it, going on a date isn't compulsory.

Men date differently to women. They cast a wide net.

This really is rubbish. I know plenty of women that are out on dates every night (yes this may be a few years old but it still happened)

Asking a woman for a walk means that he wants to screen you ‘for free’.

And we are back to money. A man spending money on dates doesn't mean that he is going to be a good person, but then you at least get a free meal out of it.

Maybe it's a certain type of bloke you happen to end up dating. I've only ever had a first date in a pub/restaurant.

Asking a woman for a walk means that he wants to screen you ‘for free’

I've heard that a video call can be good for this, as you can know from that whether you find the person, or potentially find the person, attractive enough for it to be worth going on a date with them.

@suprima that's good for you, but not how others choose to date. I think it's you that's being sneery.

I quite like the walk first date and will suggest it - easy to arrange, quick and easy to get a feel for the person. Very efficient.

All this blather and rules about what men must do seems counterproductive to me.

And one of the most cringe phrases used here is “remember, you are the prize”. What a way to go into a relationship.