Dating Thread 221 - will this thread see us through 'till Christmas?

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@thegreenestbear thank you. ❤️ yes, I do remember saying something like that a while ago! 😘

Hello Everyone. Can I join the thread? I'm a guy but have found the conversations on here really helpful since I started OLD a few months ago.

Was in a relationship for nearly 30 years until we split earlier this year so OLD is all very new to me.....it's a steep learning curve!

Had a couple of dates with someone and messaging was good, until an ex bf got in touch with her last week and they have decided to try again, so that was the end of that. We'd been in daily contact on WhatsApp and it's the lack of conversation that I'm struggling with most. I know it was only a few weeks but still stings.

Been chatting with another iron, Ms Cycling, who on paper matches a lot of the things I am looking for. The messaging is a lot slower, but maybe that's a good thing and stops be getting way too over invested at the start? We are going to try for date zero after Christmas is over.

@thegreenestbear

My friend put in specific parameters and up he popped.

I think you paraphrased a few threads ago you didn't want to be a member of any club that would have you, in a dating sense? I feel exactly that way!

I think it’s quite easy to find people if you do that. Well done - I know it’s painful now but imagine how much worse it could have been if you'd not seen the Tinder notification pop up - over time his lack of commitment would have manifested in a likely much worse way.

@thegreenestbear

My friend put in specific parameters and up he popped.

I think you paraphrased a few threads ago you didn't want to be a member of any club that would have you, in a dating sense? I feel exactly that way!

Attributed to Groucho Marx

@teesguy

Hello Everyone. Can I join the thread? I'm a guy but have found the conversations on here really helpful since I started OLD a few months ago.

Was in a relationship for nearly 30 years until we split earlier this year so OLD is all very new to me.....it's a steep learning curve!

Had a couple of dates with someone and messaging was good, until an ex bf got in touch with her last week and they have decided to try again, so that was the end of that. We'd been in daily contact on WhatsApp and it's the lack of conversation that I'm struggling with most. I know it was only a few weeks but still stings.

Been chatting with another iron, Ms Cycling, who on paper matches a lot of the things I am looking for. The messaging is a lot slower, but maybe that's a good thing and stops be getting way too over invested at the start? We are going to try for date zero after Christmas is over.

Hi 👋🏻 and welcome

Am in the middle of cooking so will let others respond, but sounds sensible so far!

Good luck 🍀 with it all

@teesguy
Hello mate, splitting after 30 years sounds tough, you must be around my age (50 ish )

Good luck with Ms cycling ( l love a bike), just go slow and have a good time 🍻

Thank you - such a good phrase!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs thank you. Everything reminds me of him, and us

He won't be feeling the same way though.

@FabulousMrFifty @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards yup this is Groucho Marx 😁

[quote thegreenestbear]**@ibelieveinmirrorballs thank you. Everything reminds me of him, and us

He won't be feeling the same way though.[/quote]
Try not to beat yourself up about it.

This is nothing to do with you - you've been behaving like the girlfriend and you expected the same back.

He's just being lazy and I bet he feels guilty as hell. He just won't admit to it

[quote BelladiMamma]**@FabulousMrFifty* @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* yup this is Groucho Marx 😁[/quote]
@BelladiMamma 😁❤️

I'm just going to wallow on here tonight, trying to stop myself texting him.

I'll try to contribute to others tomorrow; sorry for being all me me me.

Also sorry for TMI, but Saturday night sex was bloody amazing for both of us. And yesterday morning I gave the best BJ, I know I did. And they're usually pretty damn good anyway.

Do you think he does feel guilty? I really hope so. I just can't believe we can go from everything to nothing so quickly.

How can he treat me this way?

Hi @teesguy and welcome 😊

Had first session with new therapist today and she got really stuck in… was good if a bit discombobulating. She thinks I might have some sort of PTSD from my marriage/divorce and that this early stage relationship experience is setting off panic episodes. It certainly feels physiological once it starts. After Mr Mixtape’s call yesterday - which was nothing but upbeat - by this afternoon I was once again ruminating over why I’m getting fewer texts, why why why why why. It’s so boring to be consumed with these thoughts!

@thegreenestbear

I'm just going to wallow on here tonight, trying to stop myself texting him.

I'll try to contribute to others tomorrow; sorry for being all me me me.

Also sorry for TMI, but Saturday night sex was bloody amazing for both of us. And yesterday morning I gave the best BJ, I know I did. And they're usually pretty damn good anyway.

Because he wanted that AND to be able to do what he liked without you daring to object.

You could not have carried on dating him and how dare he take the “high ground” by ending things saying it’s because of your inability to trust him? NO. I wouldn’t be able to resist telling him to go fuck himself because you have zero interest in dating someone who thinks it’s okay to be active on Tinder and brazenly lie about it to a girlfriend of a year’s standing.

Thanks for the welcome

@FabulousMrFifty yep similar age to you....I'm just one away from being fifty!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I feel your ruminating pain. I'm trying to see the sense that I only had two dates but my mind is in overdrive...I wish it had a switch to turn it off!!

@teesguy

Hello Everyone. Can I join the thread? I'm a guy but have found the conversations on here really helpful since I started OLD a few months ago.

Was in a relationship for nearly 30 years until we split earlier this year so OLD is all very new to me.....it's a steep learning curve!

Had a couple of dates with someone and messaging was good, until an ex bf got in touch with her last week and they have decided to try again, so that was the end of that. We'd been in daily contact on WhatsApp and it's the lack of conversation that I'm struggling with most. I know it was only a few weeks but still stings.

Been chatting with another iron, Ms Cycling, who on paper matches a lot of the things I am looking for. The messaging is a lot slower, but maybe that's a good thing and stops be getting way too over invested at the start? We are going to try for date zero after Christmas is over.

Hi Teesguy and welcome! I'm like you - I enjoy messaging (I'm someone who communicates quite well/naturally in writing) - and when a relationship/"thing" ends that's something I really miss. Everyone's different - some people don't like lots of messaging (and before the first date I'd agree that it's best not to invest too much in the messaging, as you may not click in-person) - but once you've established the in-person connection I reckon the daily chit-chat and connection that messaging between-dates can bring is lovely (especially if like me you can't get out on dates as often as you like). There's no "right amount" rule - it's just about what feels right for you.

Good luck with your date zero! I guess maybe see how things go there - and then see if the pace of messaging is right for you after that?

@thegreenestbear

I'm just going to wallow on here tonight, trying to stop myself texting him.

I'll try to contribute to others tomorrow; sorry for being all me me me.

Also sorry for TMI, but Saturday night sex was bloody amazing for both of us. And yesterday morning I gave the best BJ, I know I did. And they're usually pretty damn good anyway.

I have nothing new to add that the others haven't already said. But I'll say it again all the same. What an absolute twat-face he is. And HOW VERY DARE HE imply that it's your fault for being untrusting. Absolutely appalling behaviour on his part. Feel free to wallow here if it helps.

@thegreenestbear

My friend put in specific parameters and up he popped.

I think you paraphrased a few threads ago you didn't want to be a member of any club that would have you, in a dating sense? I feel exactly that way!

Yes, it was me who said that. It's more about my inability to like anyone who likes me.

I'm staying away from dating apps til new year. I've got two chats on Feeld. One I've met and don't fancy, one I like the look of and have not met but he's ten years younger than me.

And MrStone practically begging to spend time with me.

People I have told about MrWG (he doesn't deserve my discretion now) are appalled at how he has behaved. One said "I can't believe he was stupid enough to let you go".

Tomorrow is the end of my first week of mourning, I've set myself a two week mourning period.

Lft all negative despite my weekend of partying. I'm on my own now until 28th, so noone is at risk, and if I do have to isolate it's no big deal other than having to get the farm shop to put my order outside and pay them by phone.

@Isitreallyme177 hope you're doing ok and not feeling too bruised. Some tough but honest truths here. I hope we'll see you back here soon, when you've dusted yourself off. Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and hoping you're ok 🤗

Hello Newbies 👋

@thegreenestbear I could be totally way off the mark but after reading your posts I wouldn't be surprised if he had a partner. You've dodged a massive bullet, you will be fine and you will come through this, don't beat yourself up about the sex, you've done nothing wrong 💐

@VanGoghsDog, I take it MrWG hasn’t been in contact? I know you have blocked his number (?) but presumably he has other ways to reach you if he chose to?

@MizK @Eesha @Naimee87 @BelladiMamma
Thanks for your posts, I saw Ms YM1 last night and we had a takeaway together.

I really want to say more but I'm concerned about saying too much in a public forum, I know that sounds mad but I'm quite a private person

So I've decided to bump along as we have been, especially as we seem to be heading into another difficult few weeks, but I will be asking for advice when we meet in February

Hope everyone's present wrapping is on schedule!

@Isitreallyme177

Have a great Christmas break and some 'me' time and please come back to join us in 2022 💐

[quote Onesmallstep67]@VanGoghsDog, I take it MrWG hasn’t been in contact? I know you have blocked his number (?) but presumably he has other ways to reach you if he chose to?[/quote]
He has not, and yes he does.

There is Facebook (we're not connected but you can still message and we have loads of mutual friends and are in two FB groups together so he could easily find me, I've not blocked him there), email (he has two email addresses for me), post/send flowers/turn up, LinkedIn messaging (again not connected but I'm not hard to find, he knows where I work), message section of the walking group meet up page. Not to mention he looks after a phone for a client so could call or text from another number. Plus numerous mutual friends.

I know it would be hard for him, he probably hasn't even realised I've blocked him (if he even sent any reply), but regardless an apology for hurting my feelings would be considerate.

If he was considerate we wouldn't be here, right?